I'm married, but one man tempts me so much. Can't stop thinking about him. For two years now since his girlfriend past away he's been coming around and asking me to come to his house, have sex with him and then after sex he wants me gone.
He likes to talk dirty -- something I really don't know how to do. I have sex with him and then he doesn't call or come by to see me for weeks (sometimes months) and then he's back. He says during sex that he wants me to be "his." On the phone he says he would KILL FOR ME!
He calls my phone when he knows my husband is home and I ask why he does that and he says because I know your with him. Sometimes he says hurtful things but he still comes around. And then he'll be gone again only to be back again. What is the game here? Does this guy like me? Sometimes I feel he hates me. What should I think of all this?
Even through all the things he may say and do I am so attracted to him. Does this man have a problem with me? Oh and while he was kissing me he tried to take my wedding ring off. Why?
I'm crazy right but it's exciting. I'm not looking for a relationship -- just a little fun. Sounds bad but true. I'm not leaving my husband. So please tell me what's up with this guy and what I should do. Please I'm so confused.
Thanks,
Gina
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Dear Gina,
Are you Italian? Reading this, I can't help but imagine this sordid tale taking place in the back alleys of Roma or Firenze, where mistresses (and misters) seem as popular as Prada, and "having fun" behind your husband's back is a custom as common as espresso shots at noon.
Since you ask what's up with this guy? I'll tell you.... One thing. Over and over.
I guess if you were Italian you would figure out that this guy is playing you like a Bocelli record and wouldn't care. But you do care, which is where this story begins to get sad, and real quick.
Here's the facts as I see them.
First of all, your husband knows something is up. How can he not with your "fling" flung right in his face. So, unless you end this affair, your husband will end the marriage, leaving you single and alone. "Wait," you say, "I'll have my guy on the side to take care of me." I'm laughing out loud now, and so is your mystery man. Once you're available, this guy will toss your number faster than pizza dough at Peppe's Pizzaria.
This story has a happy ending. Actually, many happy endings, but none of them will leave you satisfied.
Find out why you are attracted to a man that is blowing smoke so far up your butt your brain is clouded and confused. You say he says "hurtful things but he still comes around." Why do you let him "come around" after hurting you? Did someone you loved say hurtful things to you or your mother? Also, ask yourself why you want to hurt your husband. I would begin by looking at the men in your life. Did your Dad leave your family? Was he in an out of your life? A good therapist will be able to help you process your behavior so that you are headed in the right direction for you and your husband.
---- All the best, George Sachs Psy.D.
P.S. To ask Dr. George a question, email me at relationshiprx@Ymail.com
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