As the average age of brides and grooms increases, more and more people have a sticky etiquette question, “What to do about the exes?” At OneWed, we have lots of different types of brides and grooms, so we know there’s no one answer.
Instead, I developed some questions for you to ask yourself to get the answer.
1. Is he an ex, a friend you used to date, or a friend you once had a hook-up with?
Think about it for a minute, how do you talk about this person? Is it as a good friend, or as an ex? Do most of your other friends even know that the two of you once dated? If you primarily think of the person as an ex, you may want to leave him out of the wedding.
2. What are your motivations?
Why do you want this person at your wedding? If there’s any part of you that’s thinking either “That’ll show him,” or “I’d love to see him in a tux one last time.” Then you may not be completely over the relationship. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t ready to marry someone else, but it definitely means the ex shouldn’t be on the guest list.
3. Is he a sloppy drunk?
If there’s any chance that he will make an anatomically specific embarrassing toast or declaration at the wedding, keep him off the guest list.
4. What does your fiancé say?
No matter what the answers to the above questions, the final call is your fiancé’s. If he is uncomfortable having the ex at the wedding, the answer is no.
One more note, you and your fiancé aren’t the only ones with complicated feelings here. The ex might be a little conflicted as well. Even if you aren’t generally inviting single people to bring a guest to the wedding, you should probably bend the rule for him. It’ll make him more comfortable. Don’t be surprised if your ex turns down the invitation. NEVER try to talk an ex out of this decision (see question number 3).
What do you think? Would you invite an ex to your wedding?
