Into every marriage a little lying must fall. While some small fibs can be a sweet way to boost your man’s ego, others may ultimately be harmful to your relationship. Here are eight common marriage lies and the verdict on the benefits or damage that bending the truth will cause.
Lie 1: You look great!
Verdict: Benign
If he’s asked you how he looks in the suit he hasn’t worn in a
year, and you’re already en route to a family
wedding, telling him he looks fantastic (even if you wish he’d
picked the tie without the dancing penguins) can’t hurt, and may
make the whole affair more fun for both of you. But if he can
change, then go for honesty—with a smile, says Laurie Puhn,
relationship expert and author of Instant Persuasion: How to
Change Your Words to Change Your Life. Try, “You look so
handsome in that suit, but I think the darker shirt would look even
better.”
Lie 2: Sex with you is the best I’ve ever
had.
Verdict: Mostly benign
“I try never to lie about sex,” says Alisa Bowman, who blogs about
marriage at ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com.
“It’s difficult enough to remain attracted to someone after years
of marriage—being dishonest makes it harder.” That said, some men
simply don’t want the truth that deep in your past you had
earth-shaking
sex with someone else. In that case, no harm done by keeping up
the fantasy that you’ve never been satisfied by anyone but him.
More important, it’s a truth that doesn’t matter anymore. After
all, you’re with him—not Mr. Great Sex from 20 years ago,
right?
Lie 3: Your family is wonderful!
Verdict: Mostly Benign
“This can be a good lie because you want it to be true,”
says Puhn. Though it’s easy to disparage the in-laws, for the
health of your marriage, try to focus on what is wonderful
about his family: They adore and babysit your
kids, for example. But if there’s a situation that’s truly
bothering you, “be honest with your husband so he can intervene if
necessary,” says Bowman.
Lie 4: You’re the best-looking guy here.
Verdict: Benign
“Add these two words—to me—and it becomes true no matter
what,” says Puhn. White lie or plain and
honest truth, saying these words, or something like them, is an
opportunity to give your marriage a shot in the arm. Plus, “a great
thing happens when you compliment the person you love,” says Puhn.
“He becomes more of what you say he is.”
Lie 5: I did have an orgasm last night.
Verdict: Bad
Lying about your satisfaction with your sex life hurts
you. Woman up and tell him—preferably while you’re in
bed—what makes you feel good. You may think the lie is OK because
you don’t want to ding his
ego, but while it may temporarily make him feel good to hear
that he rocked your world, “your satisfaction is more important
than his ego,” says Bowman.
Lie 6: Great job on cleaning up the
yard/garage/basement.
Verdict: Benign
This is the best kind of white lie, says Puhn, because it “points
out the positive and ignores the negative.” He spent hours in the
yard, mowing, weeding, raking and edging? Fantastic! Your yard
still looks less than lovely? Who cares? Something was
accomplished, and highlighting what wasn’t will only guarantee that
he won’t be out there next
weekend to finish the job.
Lie 7: Saying “I’m fine” when he asks how you are (even
though you’re not).
Verdict: Bad
What you’re doing by staying mum and stewing over an issue (he
forgot your anniversary, or to walk the dog) does harm to you both.
“You’re testing him to see if he can read your mind,” says Puhn.
Guess what? He couldn’t do it last time you tried this, and he
can’t this time, either. Give the guy a chance, adds Bowman. “Most
men say, ‘I’ll do whatever she wants, but I don’t know
what she wants.’ If he’s done something wrong, he needs a map out
of the
doghouse.” Give it to him. Honestly.
Lie 8: That high school boyfriend on Facebook? I have no feelings
for him!
Verdict: Potentially bad
The question is, do you have feelings for the ex you found
on Facebook or the guy in the next cubicle? Lying about them masks
what might be a problem, both personally and for the health of your
marriage, says Bowman. “It’s less a matter of whether or not to
tell your husband, and more about being honest with
yourself. If you’re lying about flirty emails, you could
be in trouble. Emotional affairs can be dangerous.”
Related Articles at WomansDay.com:
7 Ways to Revive Your Marriage
What Kind of Wife Are You?
How to Say "No in a Relationship
