Should You Live Together Before Marriage?

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  Posted by KIDD Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:49pm PDT

  i would say def live together before marrage

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  Posted by another hockey fan Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:53pm PDT

  Live together because it's the only way you can truly know your spouse and/or S/O 100 percent especially if you are young and just starting out on your own. For me it made the transition into married life much smoother.

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  Posted by TasselLady Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:57pm PDT

  Been there, done that. I wouldn't do it again. I remember the old saying, "why buy the cow when the milk's free"??? I decided I'm not giving up anymore free milk. If I'm not good enough for the guy to marry after a time, then I'm out of here. But then, I was living with a jerk at the time. Still, I'm opting for marrying first, but to each his own!!

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  Posted by Mysterious Gryphon Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:43pm PDT

  Living together out of wedlock places an unfair burden on the woman, who still earns 75 cents for every dollar a man does. If she doesn't have a legally binding agreement that he will take care of her, it really puts her in a bad financial place if he decides to punk out in any way.

  Plus you have a significantly higher rate of divorce. This is due to the casual nature of living together; basically, you are saying that if it doesn't work out you can always move out, and that attitude remains even after the wedding - if you ever get that far.

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  Posted by opiniononly Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:03pm PDT

  And then there are those of us in long-term, deeply committed live in relationships who are not the least bit interested in changing the status quo by getting married because not being married works for us. My beloved SO and I have been together (unmarried) longer than a number of our friends who got married and then divorced -regardless of whether they lived together or not first - and in some instances, remarried and re-divorced.

  Love is not formulamatic. Outcomes vary by couple and sweeping generalizations about the casualness of commitment plus stating that 'a legally binding agreement for the man to take care of the woman' ignores the reality that two people who love each other commit to taking care of each other - not that a man will take care of a woman.

  And, btw, my ex (who I lived with for 4 years and married for 17) was able to convince the courts that HE deserved alimony for a period of time, so don't try to tell me that the man is legally bound to care for a woman. It cuts both ways when circumstances are interpreted by the courts...he got a chuck of my money and I got what I wanted...his signature on the papers; it was worth every penny I paid!

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  Posted by omerlm Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:27pm PDT

  thank you, opiniononly. it is NOT our moral obligation to society to wed and be legal, and make babies, and whatever else that society (mostly the conservative side...) feels that people need to do.

  you don't need a piece of paper to tell you that your SO will take care of you... if you do, you need to rethink that relationship. i was married once as well, and who knows if i ever will again? i'm not going to worry about it!

  do what makes you happy! and if that means living with your partner, then so be it. if it means marrying first, then do that. WHATEVER. life's too short to worry about s--- so much, just do what's best for you and your boo!

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  Posted by Jasmine Tue Aug 18, 2009 7:27pm PDT

  I lived with my boyfriend for 2 years, not married or even engaged. We both were going to schools close to each other, and it just made more sense for us. We're still together, but still working on our careers. So now I live in an apartment in a city over 200 miles away from him. I'm going to graduate school, and he's working. I'm glad we had that time together to learn about each other. If we can handle a long distance relationship for three years when I finish school, I know we'll be ready to be together for the long haul. Each person has to recognize his or her own wants and needs, and he/she may need to sacrifice for the other if they want to be together. I think every one of us has our own story and paths to take, and there is not a set path every couple should take.

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  Posted by Opal Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:15pm PDT

  Yo folks, I've been living with a guy for over 2 years (dating 6) - BIG MISTAKE. He's now so comfortable with the situation that he doesn't see a reason to get married. But for me it's important. And now I'm in a tough position because moving sucks, not just the physical aspect, but also the emotional aspect, spending the time to look for a place, driving around town to see the place, knowing I'll find one decent place for every several that I check out. Guys and girls - DON'T cohabitate til your love makes that commitment to marriage, unless neither of you want marriage in the first place. Your independence and space aren't worth giving up so easily.

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  Posted by Jiks2009 Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:57pm PDT

  You really don't know someone until u are living with them. I think its a good idea to live with someone first. I also think u should have some type of WRITTEN AGREEMENT so if things don't work out u r not stuck with alot of debt. Regaurdless if it's meant to be it will be. If not it won' be.

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  Posted by Cranberry Lips Tue Aug 18, 2009 9:38pm PDT

  I went to a very conservative Christian college and most of my classmates were married to other classmates by the time we graduated. A couple actually quit school after 3 years in order to get married and have a baby. Most were conservative Christians who wouldn't dream of "living in sin" before getting married, so they hurriedly tied the knot.

  In my eyes, that is wrong. It's also wrong to live with someone who you know you will never marry. Girls, you know it's true. You know when you're not happy in your heart and no matter how much you lie to yourselves, it will never work.

  I am getting married in a few weeks. I've been dating my fiance for three years and we've lived together for two. It took a while for us to get used to each other sleep schedules, food likes and dislikes, etc., but we made it work because we truly love each other and we were willing to talk and compromise. He is the only one I've ever lived with and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him even before we started living together.

  "Cohabitation" is no problem. It's better for a relationship in the long run, however living together when both partners know they don't want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, isn't a good thing and will only create more problems in the future.

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