So I just went on a second date yesterday with a
shy guy. I've never dated one before, but after being set up I
thought I'd give the guy a chance. The whole mysterious and
quiet nature might be refreshing, and just what I'd been
looking for. Boy was I wrong...
First of all, his quiet reserved demeanor made him impossible to
read on our first date. I found myself doing all the talking to
fill up those awkward first date silences. I thought, ok, well
maybe he just takes a little time to warm up. I tried my best to
keep him laughing and keep the conversation going. He opened doors,
seemed very polite, but... I found myself not sure what to think. I
got a text the next morning as I headed out of town, and thought
maybe he did like me but was too shy to show it. Then... nada.... I
didn't hear from the guy again.
I tried to put on a brave face and think about that "he's
just not that into you" line. It doesn't work that easily,
how can it not hurt your feelings that he's just not that into
you? I gave up on him in my mind, licked my wounds by getting a
little angry, and thought to myself that he was the one who missed
out. Guys don't really talk about their feelings so I found the
best way to gauge a guy's interest was by how often he called
or wanted to see me. He didn't call, and *hmff*... neither did
I.
A week and a half later (yes, a week and a half!), I get a text
from him. I'm not a fan of texting, especially when dating ( I
think it's a cop-out), but I humored him and texted back and
forth. This guy is shy, maybe he feels safer being able to think
about what he wants to say and text it instead. Hmmm... maybe he
did like me after all. Ok, now I'm confused. Was he hoping I
would call? After a few texts over a couple of days I texted back
and told him to call me later at night so we could meet again.
Crickets.... I found myself waiting by the phone annoyed. I'm
not that girl that waits by the phone waiting for it to ring. What
is he turning me in to?!?! I gave him the big green light! How
could he possibly question my interest when I ask him to call me? I
did what every girl in her mid-twenties does when she doesn't
know what else to do. I went crying to my mommy hoping maybe she
could have some insight on this mysterious creature, better known
as the "shy guy". She could tell I was getting annoyed
and had no idea what to think with this type of guy. She mentioned
all of his great attributes (great job, good family, etc..) and
said I shouldn't throw him under the bus just yet. I gave in a
bit and decided not to call him out on his flakey behavior and give
this guy just...one...more...chance. So when I had a male co-worker
giving me a hard time at work I texted him ( I know, what a cop-out
lol) to pout a bit and give him a chance to be manly and protective
over me. Seemed to work. He genuinely seemed concerned and tried to
make me feel better. He asked about us going out again this weekend
and I agreed. It was early in the week so we'd decide by the
weekend where we wanted to go or do. Success!
Yep, not so fast. Weekend came, and again, no phone ringing. Oh my
gosh, this guy is going to drive me to drink! I was invited to a
family BBQ and went dressed nicely incase he called and came though
like we had planned. At 6pm I got a text. "We still on for
today?' Well... I guess. I was dressed already and looking
cute. My mom urged me to go. So I went. We decided on a movie, but
when we got there he had not looked into the movies or times, and
it was clear to me this guy had done NO planning at all. I
didn't get a single "You look nice" or anything of
the sort. The movies all started about an hour later so we decided
on a cup of coffee instead. I decided to pay attention to his body
language on the date to see if I could get a better insight into
this most confusing of guys. *sigh* Nothing there. No hand on small
of back as we passed by other guys (one who happened to be checking
me out). No attempt to hold my hand, touch my arm, no nothing. And
to top it off, as I went to hug him goodnight he did the booty
scoot (pushed his butt out as we hugged). That's it, no more!
This guy officially placed himself into the "Friend Zone"
and he's lucky to even have that.
I need to feel wanted, I want to be the one pursued, and not
expected to do all the initiating. I don't mind doing some
initiating, but all of it, no way! I remembered my exes who hung on
my every word, couldn't wait to see or talk to me, found ways
to inadvertently put an arm around me or touch my hair, and most
importantly they leaned in during hugs to hold me tight. They made
me feel beautiful, special, and like there was no other place
they'd rather be than with me. If a girl has had that, how can
you ever go back? Now I know all shy guys may not be as completely
clueless as this guy was, but there is something to be said for a
shy guy's tendency not to take risks when it comes to love.
Well, you come off as spineless and/or wimpy. Yes, fear of
rejection is brutal, but isn't never experiencing the highs and
lows of dating worse?
So here's to the NOT-SHY GUYS who take that risk and go for the girl. Thank you for coming up to me when I smile at you across the room. Thank you for calling, planning our date, and putting your heart on the line. What you do takes cojones, and that's part of what makes you so appealing. It's much appreciated.
