My boyfriend and I have been debating the use of the word
'stupid' for nearly our entire relationship. I
personally find the word offensive, but he thinks that you can
use it in a joking manner and not be offended by it. For
me if you are going to be joking around, I would prefer he use the
word 'dumb' but he just thinks I should get over it and not
find the word 'stupid' as offensive for when he's using
it to describe me. He also doesn't like the idea of my
trying to 'limit' his usage of the word. I don't
care if he uses it for whatever else he wants to talk about, but I
find it upsetting and slightly shocking that he would use it to
describe me even if he is only just joking around.
So what do you think? Should I be upset that he's not
respecting my wishes to stop using the word when describing me, or
should I just 'get over it' and not be so sensitive to the
word?
p.s. Just so no one thinks he's a bad guy or anything, he
really is a big jokester and doesn't actually think I'm
stupid....however my belief is that all jokes must come from
somewhere, so that's what I call him out on.
'Stupid': offensive or not?
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Comments 1-8 of 8
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Posted by Tue Mar 24, 2009 1:34pm PDT
Report AbuseStart calling HIM stupid. Every day. As a 'joke'. See how long he can take it. And if he gets upset, then you can tell him to get a sense of humour.
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Posted by Tue Mar 24, 2009 3:36pm PDT
Report Abuseit depends on how you use it. i ssy it sometimes but not in a bad way. my boyfriend alredy know i mean it in a nice way. like he says some thing funny and i say "ur stupid babe" (laughing) but its like me saying "your funny babe". i dont know it depends how u use it i think..
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Posted by Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:55pm PDT
Report AbuseIs this a serious relationship, if so then comprimize on a new word that works for both of you.(comprimize)it's very important.
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Posted by Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:45am PDT
Report AbuseThanks for all the feedback!
gossip girl: yes this is a serious relationship (1 1/2 years in!) but because my boyfriend's last girlfriend was sooooo incredibly demanding (she wouldn't let him hang out with his friends ever), he seems to have a struggle going on with compromise - he doesn't want to give up anything now for his current relationship for fear of what happened to him last time. oy. i'm sure we'll work thru this though - he's capable of recognizing his mistakes....even if it takes a little while.
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Posted by Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:23am PDT
Report Abusewell i have a boyfriend for 11 months and if he start using a word like that every time. i would call him back the same word and see if he like it.
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Posted by Thu Mar 26, 2009 1:15pm PDT
Report AbuseI agree with Maritza, if its obvious that it is a joke, then yes you need to lighten up but if you make a suggestion and he's like "don't be stupid" then that's a gray area. He sees it as a joke and you just don't know, b/c your suggestion was serious (just an example) just be sure that when you talk to him about it that you don't you "you" statement such as "You say Stupid to much, and it hurts my feelings", you should talk to him with "I feel" statements such as "I feel like you don't take me seriously when you say that my suggestions are stupid." This helps him see better where you're coming from and doesn't feel like an attack.
My boyfriend and I, when one of us does something dumb as the other "Blonde moment, babe?" We have both agreed that we are entitled to our moments.
But jokes are only funny if both ppl are laughing. I hope this helps.
Comments 1-8 of 8
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