Love + Sex

Thursday, December 10, 2009

That chastity is so hot right now


According to the web site, True Love Revolution, alas, "there is no condom for the heart." Ah, so true. Additionally, did you know that, "premarital sexual behavior has the potential to negatively affect your emotional and mental health. Early sexual activity and having multiple sexual partners is strongly associated with increased depression, greater likelihood of maternal poverty, and higher rates of marital infidelity and divorce in future marriages." That explains so much.

New York Times reporter Randall Patterson went straight to the source to speak with some of the horn-free Harvard students that keep their pants on at all times (maybe even in the shower, nevernude much?). There's Janie Fredell, abstinence crusader that finds virginity "extremely alluring," and Kevin Joyce, the former president of the Ivy League abstinence encouraging Princeton Club, who likes to take an "intellectual approach" when it comes to not having pre-marital sex, among other not so hot blooded youths.

So what is it that's causing this return to arguably Victorian ideals in our nation's youth? Bush (the man, not the body part) may have a little something to do with it. With the war to distract us, it might have been easy to miss the millions and millions of dollars the Bush administration has funneled into abstinence only programs in public middle and high schools across the United States, but apparently, some kids may have been paying attention after all. (Although, as referenced in the article, a 2004 report found that 11 of 13 abstinence programs examined "were rife with scientific errors and false and misleading information about the risks of sexual activity. Many states are now rejecting federal financing for such classes, on evidence that they fail to limit sexual behavior or reduce teen pregnancy.") In fact, statistics say teen pregnancy rose sharply during the last decade.

Still, there's no denying that a new generation of abstinence activists have emerged. Personally, I think the spunky kiddos over at the Midwest Teen Sex Show have the right idea--focus on education--as opposed to the more restrictive ideals expressed on the True Love Revolution website. But that's just my little old opinion, and I think any embrace of sexuality (or the absence of it) is healthy and courageous, especially when it goes against the grain. I also agree with Martha Kempner, spokeswoman for the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, who thinks that while it's great that abstinent students have more clubhouses to meet in, she is concerned that some of these groups may be "using inaccurate information and distorted data to sell that message.” Quite a pickle indeed.

We're all for sexual or even non-sexual expression, but is the celebration of celibacy repression or a belief to be admired? You tell us.
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From the Community…

Comments 11-20 of 34
  • Nina Atwood's Avatar
    Posted by Nina Atwood Tue Apr 1, 2008 11:36am PDT

    Erin stirs up a hornet's nest in her discussion of abstinence. To answer her question at the end, "is the celebration of celibacy repression or a belief to be admired?" my comment is this: celibacy is a behavioral choice. Hopefully, like all behavioral choices, it will be made within the context of each person's values, beliefs, goals, and self-knowledge. Repression usually results from societies or groups imposing beliefs on other individuals while eschewing the right to choose.

    As a therapist and advocate for women's personal growth and self-actualization, I encourage women to consider their sexual behavior in the entire context of their lives, not merely in the context of a moment of passion. Because sexuality is connected to emotional and psychological well-being, as well as to physical health, it just make sense to be more thoughtful about it than perhaps we have been for the past thirty years or so. I grew up during the so-called "sexual revolution," and while certain freedoms were obtained and I'm all for them, I think we may have thrown the baby out with the bath water somewhere along the way. The celibacy movement, if it is that, may be an attempt to move things back toward center - perhaps holding sexuality as something more special and precious to be reserved for committed relationships and marriage.

    Bottom line: if you're single, consider putting off sex for a considerable period of time in a relationship while you make sure that you are in a healthy situation. Abstinence until marriage may be right for you. Look for my other blog on this subject: Temptation: Getting Sexual Too Soon.

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  • Annie's Avatar
    Posted by Annie Tue Apr 1, 2008 1:12pm PDT

    Your article was ok. But I don't like how prudes are always portrayed as nothing more than naive and stupid. I for one am a prude and so is my boyfriend of 5 years. We are happily engaged and looking forward to our future together. And yes I know alot about sex and what my partner and I would want to try. But I do agree with what Lady M said even though I myself am 25. Also don't be so quick to post something up with out researching or interviewing some people. I do think that "free love" or "free lust" can ruin a person emotionaly. I had a roomate the same age and in a matter of 4 years went through six boyfriends. I at the time was still with mine and our relationship has grown stronger and stronger. She even commented on it and on occasion was jealous that I still had the same guy. Just take a look around. Women our age or younger go through " boyfriends" more than they change their wardrobe. Maybe that is why there are more and more youngsters turning to abstinance because they do not want to deal with all the drinking and dating anonymous people every six months or whatever. It all seems to degrading and depressing if I may say so. But again that is why I and my boyfriend are holding out until marriage. So to each his own.

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  • Erin Flaherty, Shine staff's Avatar
    Posted by Erin Flaherty, Shine staff Tue Apr 1, 2008 1:25pm PDT

    Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment. I totally agree. Like I said in the post, embracing your sexuality (and that entails the choice to abstain), is a healthy thing. It's all about respecting your own personal decision and what works best for you.

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  • Erin Flaherty, Shine staff's Avatar
    Posted by Erin Flaherty, Shine staff Tue Apr 1, 2008 1:46pm PDT

    Hi Annie, thanks for posting! Wanted to respond regarding your comment: "Also don't be so quick to post something up with out researching or interviewing some people."

    Just to clarify the difference between this post being an article and a blog, this is most certainly a blog. The basic definition of a typical blog is that it serves to provide a recap or commentary on a particular subject, like here, abstinence and the rising prevalence of Ivy League chastity clubs. As a journalist, I've written many articles, which usually requires considerable in-depth research and interviewing subjects. However, this is a blog. (That's not to say I won't ever post blogs that don't contain research or interviews with other people!) But there is a marked difference between a news article and a blog.

    Please keep the feedback coming, and thanks for checking out Shine.

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  • marissa's Avatar
    Posted by marissa Tue Apr 1, 2008 2:05pm PDT

    In my opinion,it will ultimately hurt only you,if you are not chaste.You open yourself to such an intimate act,and then when you "give it up",to him,whether it is once ,or a year from now,he will hurt you.Not to mention,God wants you to practice chastity.You will benefit,if you do.I know this.

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  • MissEntropy's Avatar
    Posted by MissEntropy Tue Apr 1, 2008 2:31pm PDT

    Oh puhlez! Will you people give it a break? To have sex or not to have sex is an individual choice. Having sex before marriage, given that today fewer people actually marry, is no more damaging to people in general than dyeing your hair. If you aren't careful, yes, you could get your heart smashed or you could end up with a nasty std. But sex is a natural function of the body, not a sin. Yes, abstinence should be encouraged based on the rate of sexually transmitted diseases that are out there but not because "it will ultimately hurt only you,if you are not chaste". Education should cover all of the possibilities not just the currently accepted ones. Free sex isn't free. Sex outside of marriage doesn't cause pain and destruction anymore than abstinence before marriage prevents divorce. Reality check! Nina Atwood has it right. Erin keep up the good work!

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  • Benjamin Grabowski's Avatar
    Posted by Benjamin Grabowski Tue Apr 1, 2008 2:33pm PDT

    How is it that those who do engage in sexual activity before marriage is damaging to your mental health? I can see it is just sexual encounters without loving the person, but when you're in a serious relationship and you're having sex you're having sex because you love eachother and you want to express it through intimacy. I've noticed alot of the articles here on Yahoo are really useless I guess they find their writers right out of middle school or something. sad.

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  • Benjamin Grabowski's Avatar
    Posted by Benjamin Grabowski Tue Apr 1, 2008 2:34pm PDT

    How is it that those who do engage in sexual activity before marriage is damaging to your mental health? I can see it is just sexual encounters without loving the person, but when you're in a serious relationship and you're having sex you're having sex because you love eachother and you want to express it through intimacy. I've noticed alot of the articles here on Yahoo are really useless I guess they find their writers right out of middle school or something. sad.

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  • Erin Flaherty, Shine staff's Avatar
    Posted by Erin Flaherty, Shine staff Tue Apr 1, 2008 2:46pm PDT

    How did you know I just graduated from middle school!?!?! It's true, I'm like the Doogie Howser of Love & Sex.

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  • Jenna's Avatar
    Posted by Jenna Tue Apr 1, 2008 3:57pm PDT

    This is not the first time I have encountered that information. Last year I took a college course called Human Sexuality:Cross Cultural in which we had to write a paper on a book this book written by Anonymous M.D called Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student. In the book she talks about all this research that has been done that shows that kids who engage in premarital sex have higher rates of depression.

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