The Children of Affairs

In light of the scandal involving Senator John Edwards, and the possibility of him now having a new "baby mama", I am interested in knowing how women feel about the issue of children born from affairs.

Many years ago, when I was dealing with the discovery of infidelity within my own marriage, I came across a greeting card from the other woman where she joked about being pregnant.  I recall vividly how my stomach dropped and I began sweating and panting uncontrollably.  I knew that if she was indeed pregnant, my marriage was over, done, finished.  There would be no working it out, and I knew that regardless of how innocent the child was in the situation, I could not bear to have it in my life as a constant reminder of my husbands dishonesty and betrayal. You see, for ME, that was a deal breaker.

I currently have two close friends and one associate who are dealing with children born of their husbands affair...all three are still married.  One of them has embraced the child, who is now a teenager, as her own.  They travel together, hang out regularly, and she even introduces the child as her daughter.  My second friend has accepted the child into her home, and although she is sometimes haunted by resentment, she genuinely loves and cares for the child during his weekend visits with his father, has a decent relationship with his mother (the former other woman, mind you), and has been amazingly successful in recognizing that the child is an innocent bystander and not a party to her husband's foolishness.  The third friend, however, refuses to acknowledge, accept or deal with the child at all.  She will not let her own children have any dealings with the child and figures that they can all meet up someday when they are adults.  She does not inhibit her husbands ability to spend time with the child, but feels that the sanctity of her home should not be compromised by his past transgressions.    

So now, this brings me to my question.  I am interested in knowing how people would deal, or have dealt, with the issue of a child born from an affair. Would/did the marriage survive, and if so, is it something you believe you can or would get past? One side note, neither of my friends who've accepted the other child into their lives has children of their own.  Do you think that makes a difference?

I'm interested in your opinions or experience in dealing with this. 

Thanks,
Danine Manette
Author of: Ultimate Betrayal