The Dud You Pass Over Might Be The Stud You're Looking For

I sometimes get confused by the complexity of male/female differences. Certainly not the anatomical differences, I’ve worked my way around a woman or two. And I also think I’ve got a fairly good understanding of the emotional stuff. I’ve come to believe that emotions really don’t differ much between men and women. It’s more about how one has been conditioned to handle them through past experiences.

What throws me for a loop is the whole dating/mating phenomenon. And it isn’t just in the human species. Recently, I was watching a program about the mating habits and rituals of the hippopotamus on “Animal Planet”. Now every hippo looks about the same to me. So, I was surprised to find that female hippos can actually have preferences on which male hippo she gives it up to based on appearance, bravado, courting, and even whether or not he turns her on. Guy hippos also fight for the girl. And just as in the world of homo-sapiens, it’s usually the bad boy who ends up with the girl.

So I’m befuddled. What so wrong with a guy who spends his time reading, writing, quoting poetry, and enjoys the art of romance? What’s wrong with a guy who actually believes that a woman should be put on a pedestal and treated with respect? And is it such a bad thing for a man to be honest and committed to his relationship? You never know… That very guy that you pass over because of his lack of arrogance, could be the very one capable of fulfilling every aspect of your physical, emotional, and relationship needs.

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Comments 1-8 of 8

Posted by Knows Better Now Thu Aug 7, 2008 9:22pm PDT

How many times have we heard about the smart, quiet, sensitive guy that is overlooked? How many books, movies and plays are written about this subject? Honestly, I think this author's just standing in line, and will be appreciated, but in the meantime, is turning off prospective dates with the 'eau de disdain'? If he's truly a guy that 'enjoys the art of romance' wouldn't he be taken? Sorry, but it smells like 'Chip on the Shoulder' to me. Give us women credit! We recognize...don't worry!

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Posted by thedefiant1 Thu Aug 7, 2008 9:42pm PDT

preach on brother!!!!!!!!!! preach on!!!!!!!that is why jerks get the girl and end up played in the process and then wanna holler "there are'nt any good men anymore!!!! when in truth is they dont want them. (maybe when they get like in their forty's and are being tired of being ran through and over they finally take the good guy) do they recognize?! hmmmmmmmm?

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Posted by kdcheer79 Thu Aug 7, 2008 10:18pm PDT

ouch both of those comments are a little extreme 4 me, but they're good for a chuckle. i dont know what to tell except i wish u the best of luck in finding sum1 who'll appreciate what you have 2 offer. now if only i could take my own advise. i'm trying to find a guy who is honest, adverse to cheating, can handle his own business, and a million other little things. romance is up there in the form of, making sure he shared time handling the kids, maybe i dont have to pump gas EVER lol, maybe he wont cook but maybe he'll figure out once a week to get dinner for everyone because my job thats just as demanding as his has me wiped... so it'll happen and yeah there are women who'd rather be ran thru and will pass the quiet guy- because he's so cute and quiet. and there are woman checkin out the quiet ones because maybe, just maybe hes the good guy of the bunch. but being skeptical sometimes the quiet ones are the ones you gotta worry about. ;o) good luck.

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Posted by Luvleigh~ Fri Aug 8, 2008 6:15am PDT

kdcheer, couldn't of said it any better.........

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Posted by MochaMama42 Fri Aug 8, 2008 6:47am PDT

Every so-called "quiet-guy", every guy who professed he was sensitive, a nice guy, etc, was usually a bigger jerk than the guys who were just straight up, no fuss and didn't have to advertise or convince someone they were worth the time to invest in them.
How about any man, be he a jock, an intellectual, a tech-guy, a doctor,an executive, the UPS guy, just be for real?
If you date lots of people at the same time - - say so, and that you aren't looking for a relationship.
If you are intersted in developing a relationship, say so, and act accordingly.
That way, you are never considered a "DUD".

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Posted by J617angel Sun Aug 10, 2008 11:24pm PDT

I dated the sensitive..nice guy! looked how that ended up. He wasn't so nice after all and had a very bad temper! I used to get mad because he would treat complete strangers better than he treated me. His tone of voice would change and everything. He never cheated on me. When it mattered he never lied to me. But he wasn't all that nice to me either. there were times when he wanted something from me, but for the most part he saved that persona for fist impressions. He was the friend you called in the middle of the night to come pull you out of the ditch or who would give you the shirt of his back, but if you were his girlfriend forget about any special treatment! There was no pedastal! Oh unless I was pregnant! LOL
There were many people who would tell me that he was not my "equal" I thought he was "great" (You know Blind eyes and all!)
I am not entirely sure what my point is, maybe its that not all nice guys are as they seem or claim to be! Or maybe its that there are nice guys out there that just aren't always your true match. whatever the point I do want a nice guy. A nicer guy than the one I had though please!! LOL I had passed some up many years ago. It was more that I just wasn't at all attracted to them, that is huge for me. I don't like to lead people on I am very straight forward with my intentions, and if I am not feeling anything why waste anyones time. (His or Mine!)

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Posted by Terry Marsh Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:28am PDT

Unfortunately, personality typing is only an indication of whether someone might be outgoing or reserved, talkative or quiet, or an introvert or extrovert. But, personality typing can't determine what else might be going on inside of that person. One person who is loud and talkative might share the same symptoms of depression or agression as someone who is quiet and self absorbed. Mental health professionals are better at uncovering mental dysfunction.
For all practical purposes, I'd like to assume that the outgoing and introverted personality types that women meet and eventually enter into relationships with are mentally and emotionally "healthy". Of course, we all know that may not always be the case.

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Posted by superlativity Mon Aug 25, 2008 1:58pm PDT

My response to this is always the same: what kind of girls are you looking to attract? I always hear how "nice guys finish last", but in high school those "nice guys" were always more interested in the girls with the shortest skirts and loosest morals, not the quiet, intellectual girls like myself. I married a wonderful guy who is not a thug, but very intellectual and sensitive, while still being "a man's man". I love that he's macho, but is still able to put me on a pedestal, and he's an absolutely phenomenal father as well. So remember, it works both ways, don't keep overlooking that nice girl then saying that you all are finishing last ;)

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Comments 1-8 of 8

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