The real deal from the could have been other woman...

From the Community…

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  Posted by Pepper Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:34pm PDT

  LOL sweet cheeks, you totally fell for the game! Wise up boo.

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  Posted by Trish Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:54pm PDT

  See, the thing is, is that it isn't always the man who cheats! The women are out there running around on their men as well, and what about the men that constantly tell their women that she is running around on him when she isn't? Then what? Keep taking the abuse? Or go do what she is accused of?

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  Posted by lilly's momma Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:32pm PDT

  I really agree with most of the comments here...Cheating is a choice and well, I think "love" and marriage can sometimes be an illusion... I mean sometimes I think people are still in that infatuated stage and alot of people are in denial about alot and "love" tends to be a convenient escape. I don't necessarily condone cheating but...When people do rush into relationships, or get married for reasons like preganancy.. it's pretty unrealistic to expect them to stay together. I mean, If people are not happy with what they are doing with their life and who they are with, they should be allowed to change. I know that sounds kind've horrible,I'm just saying people change and therefore their wants, needs, and disires change to. Also, that emotional affair thing that was brought up...oh yeah thats real. I am pregnant right now with my fiance's baby. We have been together for awhile now, We are more like best friends then anything...Well, i have never been pyschical with anyone else since i have been with him. But, my ex has recently started calling me again and,we were there for eachother in some of the hardest times in eachothers lives...i will never stop loving him, our lives just were not going the same way at the time so we split.. well, we have been talking more and more and , he knows my situation and..Talking to him again and thinking about my fiance and getting married and having the baby, I just wonder if i would be doing the right thing if i married him knowing i loved someone else. I dont know which is more fair on my baby, allowing her to have a life with her mother and her father together, or a sincere life without the deceit and fakeness....and when your unhappy, human will and values are only so strong, people aren't perfect

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  Posted by lilly's momma Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:56pm PDT

  by the way..this stuff about "getting" and "keeping" a man... um yeah, maybe i am just thinking about it wrong but, being with a lover or partner should not be turned into some kind of contest where you have to do all kinds of crap to impress them and "get" them, i mean if the whole time you are dating you have to act or dress a certain way and then that changes once you get married, were you really being yourself or were you just tricking them? And that really isn't a good foundation in the first place is it?Also, WHY DOES NO ONE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE MAN HOLDING UP HIS PART? it is not just because a women stops dressing up as much or falls behind on the dishes and is not the perfect stanford wife that a marriage or relationship fails..isnt it supposed to be a team effort? And BTW, this is not the 50's,dishes and housework ARE NOT JUST A WOMENS JOB ANYMORE.And as far as the sex. if the men would keep up their image too..MAYBE their wives would be more inclined... People should just be themselves and not treat love like a contest or trickery and def not put all the blame and weight on women

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  Posted by beautifull0004 Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:00pm PDT

  I have to agree that the other woman defiantly gets it worse than the man (not my man, but most men, lol) and that is not right. However ladies, if you know he is married, starting a relationship whether sexual or emotional is ABSOLUTLY WRONG. If he was really unhappy he should/would get a divorce or break up with her or whatever. Also the whole excuse about kids is bull; like I said if he were really sick of it he would leave. Remember ladies we only know what they tell us and who is the heck knows if it’s true; lets not be so damn naive.

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  Posted by fullofjoy08 Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:14pm PDT

  I agree 100% too. When people cheat there is something lacking at home. You can never just blame the other person because its a choice that your spouse makes. Not saying that it is right but thats just the way it is people have a choice and they decide

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  Posted by Selena Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:23pm PDT

  sooooo

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  Posted by Cursed Romantic Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:27pm PDT

  I agree with CB and GTO. I personally get tired of some of my married female friends say that they cook, clean and take care of the kids and stuff and that is what it means to be a good wife. In all honesty that is great to do that stuff. But really at the end of the day, I think the man or in reverse cases the woman even wants their partner to do more than the bare minimum. And doing the standardized "good wife or hubby" bit is just not cutting it. This is no longer the 1950's, I think anyone that gets married, should always be working at their marriage. Not just get so comfortable that they let their guard down and don't try to spice things up. And I don't mean just in the bedroom either.

  I'm also tired of some women and men complaining that they just NEVER saw any sign of their spouse cheating on them. I mean hello any spouse worth their salt, should know their partner well enough to have a feeling when something isn't right. If they don't have that feeling, I really would wish many would stop and reconsider getting married. Because there is no way on earth, I believe a couple in a 20+ marriage could say they were just so SHOCKED that their partner was having an affair. I don't care what type it is, physical, emotional, pyschological or what have you. I just want to know what happened to the communication and being open with one another in the marriage so that you can work on things or come to your spouse if there is a problem on your mind, not just sweeping it under the rug and hoping it goes away. I mean this is the kind of relationship maintenance I was talking about in a question I had once posted on yahoo answers, about where has the relationship maintenance gone? What happened to decent communication in relationships and what happened to both partners doing stuff to keep the relationship alive and interesting for each other? As the previous poster said, just because the ring is on, does not mean its a vacation.

  And to S, though there is the Golden Rule out there, I still think that the wife and husband need to work at their marriage constantly. I don't think just because they are married they can just kick up their heels like they are in a retirement home and other "bad" men and women that would tempt them would just go on by. I know I have been told I am idealistic, but I think what you are saying takes the cake on idealism. I mean no one, be them the wife or the hubby wants to be taken for granted or not made to feel special from time to time. And honestly I don't think just because there are some women out there that go after married guys, cause all married men to cheat. I really think that man has to be missing something at home for him to go off with that other woman or make advances to other women. So you( meant generally) need to always make sure the home is taken care of. Through new little sex games or changing up dinner menu, or whatever to make sure home is just that awesome if not more awesome than what is going on out in the streets. I know its sounds like a competition even when you are married, but really the game never stops just because that ring is on. It only takes the wife and the hubby out of the game of dating around. But it doesn't lessen the fact that the wife or the hubby is going to be attracted to a neighbor or co-worker. It actually ups those attractions I think. Because when you are tied down(metaphorically speaking, I'm sure the thought of "what am I missing?" comes up from time to time. And for most people they could careless because they are being taken care of at home, so don't even have to worry about it. But for those that are just getting the "good" treatment, are always curious about more. Because there isn't that something extra that makes them want to race home. Cause they already know what is there. The ordinary, the plain, the same tuna casserole, the same bedtime stories being read to the kids. Heck even the same pjs on the wife or hubby. And to be honest, though I'm not even married and I can say that would drive me up the wall. I like routine, as I'm sure others do too. But really I think its only good at work, when you get home you want to relax and then figure out what you getting into next.

  So yea, not to sound like I'm talking down to you S, I just think there is way more going on than just standardized golden rule stuff applying in a marriage.

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  Posted by Cursed Romantic Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:29pm PDT

  I definitely agree with Springtime, alot of what I was saying is based off the very ideas of what she said in her post as well.

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  Posted by TheOne Sat Jul 19, 2008 4:20am PDT

  I agree. This is my situation now, I don't feel like trying to betraying the family, it's not all because of sex, it's physically emotional feeling that very strong and I can't deny that.

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