I’m in love, and the reality of it hit me swiftly and certainly, like a newborn’s first gasp of air. I wasn’t expecting love. It blind-sided me. It slipped up from behind, hit me over the head, and took control of my heart. And I never saw it coming.
Initially, I didn’t notice the effect it was having on me, others did. It rejuvenated my spirit, made me lighter on my feet, and changed the way I talk. Now, instead of “I” and “me”, it’s “us” and “we”. Instead of “yours” and “mine”, it’s flowers and wine. I look forward to every moment with her. And I am so much the better because of it.
Coming to terms with the reality of being in love was a slower process for me. I questioned myself, even doubted myself. And I’m generally not the kind of person who doubts himself. I wondered if I’d waited long enough, if we’d dated long enough, or even if I’d been infatuated long enough. But everything seemed to lead back to the very same conclusion. I’m in love.
Love has always been a strange concept to me. You can’t touch it, hold it, shape it or mold it. No one has ever seen love, but everyone has seen the effects of it. You can’t buy love, but you can make love, and you can’t hide love, but you can find it. Wars have been started because of love, but the symbol for it is the same as the symbol for life… the heart.
I knew I was in love before I could say it, and saying it for the first time was an experience in itself. Never, in my entire life, have I ever been the first to utter those words. And I wasn’t sure that I wanted to start now. But I knew the signs; the rapid heartbeat, the shortness of breath, and the sweaty hands when anticipating hearing her voice. I was either in love or coming down with the flu. But I wasn’t sniffling or sneezing. Besides, it only happened while in her presence, or while thinking of her.
I wasn’t entirely sure that she felt the same way. Then, one day, out of the blue, she said something to me in Russian. Why Russian, I’ll never know. She’s creative like that. I don’t speak a lick of Russian, and I always thought of it as a less romantic language than say, French or Latin. But for some reason, coming from her, it was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever heard. And immediately, I knew exactly what she was saying. At that point, there was absolutely no doubt at all. I not only wanted her to know, but I wanted the world to know, that I’m in love. And now I have, and I’m so much better because of it.
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