I ask this because lately it seems like I am a magnet for single dads. It's happening more and more but I realize a big part of that is because sadly people have kids young and it doesn't always work out with their partner, hence you end up with so many single parents struggling to have their family and have a life of their own at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I think all of these people, mothers and fathers, are brave and remarkable and deserve happy healthy relationships. I'm just not so sure that I am the best people to be a part of that.
I just can't figure out why anyone in their right mind would want me in their life if they already have a child. I am a self proclaimed princess. And some would say a bit of a party girl. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a criminal, I'm alright with kids but I end up feeling more like a playmate then someone you would ever want to leave your child with long term, I'm usually plotting with them to steal cookies before dinner rather than telling them to sit up straight and not watch too many cartoons. I have nieces and nephews, they have done a nice job of filling the baby need in me. I can go visit and play and do all that fun stuff and split before bedtime cranky-ness sets in. I've been a fan of this routine, it's worked for me. But I do, someday, want my own kids. However.....
Because I have often openly said that I am still a baby myself I have always held firm to the rule that single dad's just weren't for me. I like my schedule revolving soully around me. Self? Yes. Honest? Completely. Responsible? I'd like to think so. I've not been willing to give up my own life yet. I've been responsible for my own health and taken steps to prevent unplanned pregnancies--meaning used condoms and birth control. Like I said, I do want children, but I want them when I feel more like an adult and less like a child myself. I work my job, I go out with my friends and this is my life right now.
But now there's a single dad that has come along and I'm considering bending my own rule and giving it a chance. Let's just say I think I'm right to proceed with caution.
Potential draw backs -- as selfish as it may sound, I'm just being honest here
- Baby Momma Drama - if there is any bad blood between him and the mother of his child she's probably going to hate you by extention. Maybe under different circumstances you two could have shared a laugh over coffee with girlfriends but trust me, if she has ill feelings towards the father of her child, she's going to think of you as the enemy. Especially if there is the possibility she's holding out hope of getting back together, which could be the case no matter how long they've been apart.
- Falling for the Baby - if things don't work out with him but you've developed the relationship enough that you've become a part of his childs life breaking up will be even harder to do. This is actually probably my biggest reason for being reluctant. I think about the double heart break and that already makes me want to cry.
- Scheduling - again it may sound selfish but I've never had to share my potential love interest with anyone and understandably baby takes priority. Whether full time custody or shared, it's going to mean that going out on a Friday night isn't always going to be an option.
Still, I can't help but think it's not all bad. I mean clearly if he's a good father to his child now, he'll likely be a good father if you settled down and decide to have kids of your own.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping the gun thinking this latest guy is Mr. Right, I'm just weighing options. Frankly a full fledged relationship may not even be what he's looking for. All of these details need to be figured out if the time comes. What I really want to figure out right now is, is this something I even really want to consider. Until recently a baby would have been a deal breaker.
If we hit it off, I know I'd be taking a major chance with my heart. But more and more lately I've been thinking the idea of settling down isn't so terrifying. If he just wants some low key fun that might be ok too as long as it can be kept separate from any drama he have in his life.
