Whether you’re postmenopausal, in the thick of it or just curious about what changes may be in store for you down the road, chances are you’ve wondered what “the change” may mean for your sex life. You’ve heard the rumors, but here’s the truth.
Truth #1: Your Vagina Is Not Going to Shrivel Up Like a Prune
The Truth about Sex after Menopause
While the vagina does go through some changes during menopause due to loss of estrogen, much of the changes that happen are undetectable to the eye. In other words, there’s no such thing as “shriveling,” and you most certainly won’t look like a prune. “Many women don’t notice the changes at all,” says Hope Ricciotti, MD, a gynecologist who teaches at Harvard Medical School and is a health expert at BeWell.com.
Even better news: Since blood flow to the vagina lessens after menopause, consider having sex to keep it at its best. “The vagina is a ‘use it or lose it’ place,” explains Dr. Ricciotti. “The act of having intercourse stimulates blood flow to the vagina and keeps it healthy”
Truth #2: Invest in a Good Lubricant
One of the realities of sex after menopause is vaginal dryness. It
happens to almost every woman, says Sari Locker, a sex expert and
author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex.
“For a healthy,
comfortable sex life after menopause, lubrication is key.”
If you’ve never had to use lubricant before, don’t be shy about starting! “Too many women are intimidated about using lubricant, because they think that they will have to use a sticky tube of old-fashioned, medical-style lubricant,” she says. “In fact, today’s modern, sensual, water-based lubricants can actually enhance sex in addition to making it more comfortable. For example, Play More Lubricant provides women with a smooth, slick feeling that is not sticky and feels natural.”
Truth #3: Your Body Image May Decline.
“A lot of the changes that happen during menopause aren't just
physical, they're mental as well,” says Elizabeth Boskey, PhD,
MPH, CHES, a sexual health expert for About.com. “Menopause can
change the way that women think about their bodies and their
sexuality, and it can also affect their self-esteem. What can you
do about it? Try little things, such as playing sexy music, to
boost your sexual self-confidence. Here are 10 simple tips to get you started.
Truth #4: You Are Still at Risk for Sexually Transmitted
Diseases
“Many postmenopausal women don't realize that they are still at
risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases, and therefore
don't concern themselves about using condoms because they are
no longer worried about
pregnancy,” says Dr. Boskey. “This may contribute to the rising
incidence of HIV in the over-50 age group.”
Truth #5: You May Have to Work a Little Harder for an
Orgasm
“You may be used to 30 orgasms a night, but the reality is that
during and after menopause, you may have to work a little
harder to have one or two,” says Dorree Lynn, PhD, a
psychologist and sex educator who works with the AARP in
Washington, DC, and the author of the forthcoming book Sex for
Grownups: Dr. Dorree Reveals the Truths, Lies and Must Tries for
Great Sex After 50.
Don’t let that get you down, she says. “Just remember, you can't compete with the memory of your younger self,” she adds. “Fifty isn't the new 20, its being 50 and loving every aspect of who you are and your breadth of experience.”
Truth #6: Your Sex Drive Might Go Down…or
Up
Menopause can mean different things for different people, adds Dr.
Lynn. And while some may experience a decrease in sex drive, other
women find that with the right mindset, their sex drive may
actually increase. “For some women, there is a burst of
adrenaline that can
encourage you to try new things, change your mindset and live
through your 50s, 60s and beyond with vigor and an adventurous
mindset.
Truth #7: Your Need for Intimacy May
Increase
“After menopause, women still want intercourse, but it becomes more
intimate,” explains Dr. Lynn. Here’s her prescription:
“Foreplay should start in the morning with wakeup kisses, gentle
pats on the butt, hand holding and whispering sweet nothings during
the day,” she says. “It's all part of heightening the desire,
pushing the sex drive, both partners taking more time and care to
enjoy their sexual experience to the fullest.”
Truth #8: Your Vaginal Walls May Thin a Bit
“One of the biggest issues with sex after menopause is that
declining estrogen levels can lead to thinning of the vaginal
walls,” says Dr. Boskey. This, in combination with dryness, “can
contribute to making sex more
painful.” She suggests talking to your doctor about estrogen
creams and therapies. “Estrogen therapies, including topical
creams, have been shown to have a positive effect. Although,
because of the potential for other health problems, any use of
estrogens, including plant-based soy estrogens, should be discussed
in detail with your doctor.”
Truth #9: Exercise May Help Rev Up Your Sex
Drive
Dr. Ricciotti reminds her patients that one of the best ways to amp
up your libido is to work on your health first, which means
increasing how much exercise you’re getting. “I think of sex drive
and function as part of holistic health,” she says. “If you are
unhealthy physically or emotionally, sex drive will certainly
suffer. Having energy from a healthy diet and regular exercise,
along with good sleep and
mental health, are key ingredients in a healthy sex drive.”
Truth #10: Your Sex Life Probably Won’t Change
Dramatically
Here’s some comforting news: “The best predictor of having a good
sex life after menopause is having a good sex life before
menopause,” says Dr. Boskey. “Women who are
happy with their premenopausal sex life are a lot more likely
to be able to maintain that satisfaction post menopause.”
Sarah Jio is the health and fitness blogger for Glamour.com. Visit her blog, Vitamin G.
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