Dr. Bella DePaulo
I chuckled when I read DePaulo's commentary on an episode of Private Practice: two doctors lament the fate of a man dying from pancreatic cancer. Both single men, DePaulo says they decide that the man is "dying alone". One even climbs into the bed with the man to hold him as he dies.
Actually, I have a female friend who has said to me: "no one wants to die alone", in reference to a lasting relationship or marriage. I also find this post quite interesting after working in an obituary department at a newspaper, which led to an obsession with death itself.
So being single and dead is right up my alley.
DePaulo says this:
This is Private Practice's definition of "dying alone." It is many other people's as well. The usual perversion of the "alone" word is in play: If you have two old friends with you, one actually in bed with you and holding you in his arms, you have died alone. By this taken-for-granted definition, friends are not people. Unless there is a spouse present, you have died alone. There is something stunningly clueless about the belief that if you marry, you will not die alone. First, a point that should be obvious: Unless both partners die simultaneously, someone is left "alone" (according to the dopey definition of "alone").She reveals her dad, a husband of 42 years, literally did die alone, in the hospital bathroom, after his wife had gone home for the day. She challenges us next:
Suppose, though, that you are not one of those people. Suppose you really do want people around you when you die. I'll even up the ante: Suppose you want a spouse there with you when you die. Still, I have to wonder: Should you let that wish for your final hours determine the fate of the rest of your life? Should you find someone to marry, even if you are not sure you really want to marry? Even if you do want to marry but have never found a person you truly want to spend your life with, should you marry someone who is a "good enough" partner just to have a spouse there with you at the end?Read Dr, DePaulo's post here. Bella DePaulo, is the author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, and a Visiting Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara.
