I love to write, but blogging hasn't been something I've
tried. So, why not. My life has been changing drastically these
last few months, and will only continue to change by the end of the
year.
The main reason I am on here is an attempt to move on. My first
real serious boyfriend of 1 and 1/2 years and I broke up about 2
months ago. Within the first month of our break up, he was with
someone new. There are days I feel so strong and so glad to be
moving on. But then there are days, like day, where the pain I felt
two months ago comes storming back. My ex and I were good friends
before we started going out. Even post break up, I had no problem
talking to him. With all the changes happening in my life, he knew
them better then anyone else, because he saw everything first hand.
Now that he is seeing someone new, the friendship has truly
changed. I knew that would happen, but I never thought it would be
so hard for me. I don't know why I'm having such a hard
time. The way he ended things was not the greatest and deep down I
know that I don't deserve the way I was treated in the end.
But seeing him with that other girl kills me. He calls me
when they are having problems (which seem to be often). He calls me
when he is upset about something that happens between them, even at
2 in the morning. He has even called me and told me that he does
break down still when he thinks about me, talks about me, or hears
a song that reminds him of us. He also has admitted to me that he
is realizing, through his new/much older girlfriend, how good he
had it when we were together; how easy it was for us being
together. But then I go on Facebook and he's posted on her
wall, "I love you and you make me so happy".
When I talk about him to friends, its easy for me to push that
image that I'm fine and doing ok. I'm not fine or
doing ok when I randomly break down. There are nights I still cry
myself to sleep. There are days when I will be doing fine and then
something cuts me down to my knees.
I've come on here to seek the advice from women who understand
what I am going through. And I think overall I need the medium to
get my thoughts out there. I know that every day I do a little
better then the day before, but its not easy. I know there are
plenty of people who know what I am going through and if you have
anything thoughts or suggestions, I would love to hear them.
Thanks for listening.
Trying to Move on, so Trying Something New
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From the Community…
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 9:41am PST
Report AbuseRelationships are hard when one is still in it in the mind, that makes it hard to move on, they say time hills all. I know how you fill after 22 years with one person then they cheated!
You will find your way, and i am after two year much better and looking forward to new things in life and know you will too.
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 9:58am PST
Report Abusebest thing to do when he calls you with his 'girl' issues, is to cut him off. its not your problem at all and all he is doing for you is making it harder to get over the situation. do yourself a favor and take a break from him, tell him you do not want to hear it, and that it'd be better if he didn't contact you for a while.
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 10:01am PST
Report AbuseI am there with you...I am going through the same exact thing. The hardest part, is how could they find somone else in such a short timeframe? It makes one feel that it was someone they had on the hook for a while. It is hard to understand and will drive you crazy, so don't try. The pain will ebb and flow like ocean waves - some days you will feel strong, and the next, thoughts of how happy you were together come back, filling you with hurt. Why can't he just see how he contributed to the failure of the relatiohship. You can't fix him - he must fix himeself if and when he is ready. Unfortunately, it is sometimes true that people don't see what they had until it is gone. Let yourself heal, and with your distance, let him grow and learn from what he did.
What I bring myself back to is my value. You are valuable. When he calls you, this is not allowing the wound to heal. My advice to you, as hard as it may sound, is to lovingly cut the connection. I don't believe the man truly understands the depth of your hurt, and by your speaking to him, he feels he is being kind, and that what he did 'wasn't so bad' because you are still friends. What you are going through is torture. Let your body relax by relaxing your mind with comforting, good thoughts about yourself. Do good things with family, friends, and yes be alone. When you can be alone and content, you will truly be ready for someone new.
I recommend a book to you (simple read) called "The Princess who believed in fairy tales". I think you will appreciate it's message.
In my case, he totally left me like I was dust - no calls, no checking in and no friendship, but this has been good because I can heal and not hear about the women he is seeing (he always had female 'friends' for benefits and other things he could turn to). Separate yourself from what is painful, and surround yourself with what you deserve. You are valuable, so protect yourself.
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 11:18am PST
Report AbuseIs a case of man that when things go well they get affraid that won't be able to experience what else is outthere. So they give up the best they had for anything just another thing as long as is not the same.
He also knows you well. You seem to be a strong, positive but unbalanced GIVER.Very caring.You put first other's before yourself cause you think 'I can fix my problems myself but they/he/she need me now'. Who doesn't want to have around a good listener? Well sweet giver they drain you.
He's clever he keeps you around so when he quenches hes thirst for crap can come to the quality life again. He is a immature man who doesn't appreciate the good woman. Are you going to stay around for him to mature? Are you going to teach him appreciation?
You already are those things why not balance your life with someone that deserves you.
Change your phone # if you're not strong enough to tell him 'you missed the chance my friend'. Something drastic needs to be done. Life is beautifull when you keep away from immature,ungreatful people.
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 3:18pm PST
Report Abuseyou have to stay away from him, and make your self happy its the best thing you must do to move on,i've been their in that situition, be friend with others and do things you usually do, make your self buzy. if he calls you don't show that you still care of him.. im with you
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 8:41pm PST
Report AbuseHi Amanda,
I am in a similar situation. Except I don't speak to my ex...It's hard, but i think this is the best way to get over this situatuion. I still have my days, but I am getting over this. This kid treated me like a dog before it finally ended it pisses me off when I think about it. As much as i still care for him it's time that I start caring for myself more. You should do the same. Change your number.
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Posted by Sun Nov 8, 2009 5:59pm PST
Report AbuseFirst of all Amamnda you need to think about you and what you have been thru with him there to see it all. You managed and made it through but he left you to be with someone else, and he is having problems with this women and calling you at 2 am talking about another women, WHY are you torchering yourself with HIs mess, and he brokeup with you. Sweet heart move on, find something knew, My great grandmother told me sweetheart the way you get over one man is to get up under another and you will forget about him, like he did you.. Makes sense awww!
love yah!
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Posted by Mon Nov 9, 2009 11:13am PST
Report AbuseAmanda - just ended my relationship a week ago and I understand how hard it is. Can't stop caring about someone. But best thing to do is to take a break. I delete numbers right away, remove people from social sites, etc. We need time to heal and put things in perspective. Don't get me wrong - it's hard - the loneliness and pain just hits sometimes out of nowhere. But this guy is NOT letting you heal - and there is a reason he is doing that - and it doesn't sound like a good reason. Heal, take care or yourself and take the TIME you need to move on on your timetable - not his! Good luck!
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Posted by Mon Nov 9, 2009 4:28pm PST
Report AbuseI most definitely need to find and try something new......
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