Right now I am in the process of a very emotional and
painful break-up from the father of my (unborn) baby. We were
together for five and a half years; high school sweethearts (Most
Like to Get Married and everything.)
We started having problems a year ago. His family was causing some
issues in our relationship, and we were off-and-on last summer. We
split up at the beginning of January, and shortly thereafter is
when I found out my birth control stopped working apparently and I
was pregnant. At the time, we figured that the pregnancy
shouldn't dictate whether or not we got back together, but it
became very clear that we both wanted to try again in June. From
June until mid-August things were great, except I would get into
little hormonal moods and go off (not my intention, but it
regretfully happened.) Three weeks ago, we got into a pretty
big fight and he distanced himself a lot. This weekend he told
me that for now he is taking a step back because he is tired
of feeling like "nothing is good enough" for me.
I'm trying not to hold out hope of us
getting back together, because I feel the problem is deeper than he
is saying it is. He will not talk to me about it. I don't know
what to do. I love him so much; he is truly the love of my life,
but I don't want to hold out hope that we will ever be together
again (not saying that to be negative). I don't even want to
think about ever being with someone else, I just want to focus on
our daughter. I don't feel like I know how to go on. I'm
absolutely crushed by this even though I feel this is my
fault.
I guess I'm just looking for hope that everything will be okay.
I feel like everything is a huge disaster and being pregnant
isn't helping. I feel like I can't go through this alone.
Does anyone who has gone through this have any advice or tips to
help me get through this? Does anything make it easier? I feel like
I will never find someone to love me or my baby the way Aaron used
to love me, even though I know that is probably not the case and
I'm not even thinking of moving on yet. Ugh, I just feel like a
mess.... Anything encouraging?
** I guess since it seems to be a question/concern, I'm 22
years old.
I'm a smart woman, I've gone to college and I work at a
bank as a customer service representative/teller. I may seem young
or very frantic and emotional, but that's because this is a BIG
thing for me. I have only been in one relationship; I met Aaron
when we were both Freshmen in high school. I know it sounds
silly or unreasonable to say I feel like I'll never find
someone who will love me as much as Aaron, but that's how I
feel right now. I feel alone, I am scared but I'm focusing on
our daughter as much as I can right now.
Also, he has been lashing out a lot lately which is why I worry so
much about him. He has very volatile mood swings and is very
distant. This truly isn't the person I know or fell in love
with.
User post: Advice from Single Parents Needed
user
- Let’s talk: Comment (24) | Blog
- Email to a Friend
- Print this Page
Syndication:
From the Community…
-
Posted by Tue Sep 8, 2009 12:59pm PDT
Report AbuseAww, my heart goes out to You. First you have to think about your lil girl still growing inside. Right now she can tell somthings wrong with her mama, which is not good for her nor you. I've been divorce for 5 months now, 3 kids married for 7 years. To top it off all my familiy is on the east coast. You have to take it one day at a time. Yes your going to have good days an bad.. But your lil one needs you to be strong an thats what you need to think about an your self. Not being with some other guy.. Only time will tell whats going to happen with you an her father, or any one elsa.. Yes that will make You happy but think about other things that will an focus on them.. An I bet one thing is ur child..
-
Posted by Tue Sep 8, 2009 1:15pm PDT
Report AbuseThere are times when I tell myself that all I'll need is my daughter to get me through this and I know she will be the light of my life and my everything. She already is actually. I just really love her daddy and my heart is so broken by everything that's happened. All I want is him and our daughter. It's all just soo hard.
-
Posted by Tue Sep 8, 2009 2:23pm PDT
Report AbuseSweetie - you sound very young. And probably very scared. Take a deep breath, and know that regardless of whether things work out with you and this boy, YOU are going to be the best mother you can to that sweet baby. Your life is no longer about you, honey. So now is when you have to get strong and do whatever is necessary to stay healthy for your child.
And you will find that whether or not you and your guy work out - there will be many people in your life who will help you and love you and your baby. (Parents, Grandparents, true blue friends etc)It really does take a village, and amazingly enough, the village usually shows up - sometimes when you least expect it. It definitely will show you just who truly has your back in life.
I'd guess that your boyfriend is probably freaking out and just as scared as you are. I highly doubt he's going to be freaked out forever.
Handle YOUR stuff sweetie, let him handle his. When he's ready to talk, he'll talk. Men really can't be pushed that way - it just makes them angry and clam up. And I'll bet my next paycheck that as soon as he holds his daughter in his arms he'll be smitten. There's something special about fathers and daughters.
Thoughts and prayers to you honey and your baby too!
Peace,
Gypsy
-
Posted by Wed Sep 9, 2009 7:55am PDT
Report AbuseGyspy!!!!! You are always soooo nice and positive. Thank god for people like you. I really hope you are ok, Meg, and your baby experience is wonderful. Gypsy is wise, so listen to her advice. I am not a single mom, but I am a part of my friends and siblings childrens lives, whether they have both parents at home or not, it really does take a village. Good luck Meg, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders!
-
Posted by Wed Sep 9, 2009 8:26am PDT
Report AbuseHave you and your guy tried couples counseling? If he's willing, it may be a safe place for the two of you to work out some of your issues. If not, Gypsy's absolutely right. Right now, you need to take care of YOU, because that's the best way to take care of your baby. If you haven't already, connect to the other people in your life who can help support you (parents, siblings, friends). Even if things don't work out with your guy, you don't have to be alone in this.
-
Posted by Wed Sep 9, 2009 8:27am PDT
Report AbuseI bet you can also find a ton of online support groups for single Moms, which could be a great way for you to make new friends who know exactly what you are going through.
-
Posted by Wed Sep 9, 2009 9:19am PDT
Report AbuseMeg, my heart goes out to you. I was married for 2o years and then came the divorce. My kids were almost grown and were very supportive. You need to worry about taking care of YOU! That is the best thing you can do for your baby. Find a single mom friend to talk to, check out local churches or even your obstreticiens office for friends. Aaron is trying to sort himself out, give him that space. I know it hurts. My best feel good about myself thing during the sad times was a pedicure...I got one each week. If you have a local wellness center or hospital that offers new mom parenting classes, that is a good place to meet friends!
-
-
Posted by Wed Sep 9, 2009 10:54am PDT
Report AbuseI know exactly how you feel girl. I was friends with a guy for 4 years and we got together in october of last year. He just recently left me and said it was bc we fought too much. Well..about 2 or so months ago I found out I was pregnant. He left me and 3 days later got back with his ex who he had his first kid to. I was so depressed. We still talk and everything but he claims he loves her and it hurts. All I can do is worry about me and the baby. If he comes back then he comes back. If not..that's his problem. He made a mistake. Your guy will realize he made a mistake..and if he doesnt you were better off without him anyway. Just worry about you and that baby. I was even going to give up my baby for adoption so I didnt have anymore connections with the father. But I realized its not the babys fault he was stupid. Good thing is, he still wants to be a part of his babys life and he still wants to help me out with money and stuff. So my advice to you is..dont lose contact with him, focus on what really matters..the baby. Do stuff for YOU not for him. Things will get better..they have for me. Even though I cant find a boyfriend right now..and I feel like no one wants me either..I know that isnt true. We both just have to wait and see what happens in life. Until then, have fun and dont worry about him.
-
Posted by Wed Sep 9, 2009 10:57am PDT
Report AbuseDear Meg, I certainly feel where you're coming from. I am a mother, and I did go through a situation just like this. At first, it was very hard for me to accept the fact that I was going to be a single mother. Then I realized that, my child deserved to be brought into a peaceful environment, and that a shifty relationship would be the worst place to start. Focus on your little girl. That's what got me through. You are gonna be the role model, show her how to be strong.
leave your comment
You must sign in to post a comment