User post: Boyfriend's Old Porn Collection

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  Posted by Jackie E Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:59am PDT

  That is bull s---. Why does he need that now when he has you. That is so disrespectful to you. You have every right to ask about it, you are living together!!!!

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  Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:16am PDT

  Q: When do I have the right to question his porn collection and not his sexual past?

  A: Never. It's part of who he is. He's telling you something about himself by keeping them, are you LISTENING?

  If it doesn't bother you, then fine. But it sounds like it does. YOU have the right to decide wether he's right or not for you. And this is part of wether he is right or not. You can't change him, nor should you want to.

  Q: He has taken photo's of me, so am I just part of the collection?

  A: He now owns this material. When you gave him permission to take the photos, you gave him ownership, unless the two of you entered into agreement otherwise as to rights and ownership. What did you think he would do with the photos???

  I highly suggest that BEFORE you allow boyfriends to take explicite photos, all these agreements are made before hand. And get it in writing.

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  Posted by Shivers Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:17am PDT

  omg I think you should have questioned about this way earlier!!! it's one thing to have porn mags or whatever of people he doesn't personally know, and they are strictly just fantasies....but it's completely different if he still has and looks at naked pics of exes and one night stands on his comp. Why in the world does he have pics of girls that were only one nighters anyway??? that just screams creepy to me

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  Posted by Abbie Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:22am PDT

  A two year 'part of the collection'? I don't think so... :)

  Let me start off by asking, why you feel the need to question it? Porn, is porn, is porn, is porn. It will never change. All it is is a visual stimuli, and 99.9% of the time, he's not really even thinking about the particular girl in question.

  I know that most women get defensive, and territorial, especially when it comes to being compared to a porn star, or even past girlfriends. I'm guilty of the same thing. And most of it is just in our heads, and we are creating a situation that really is not there.

  But you'll realize that sometimes the guy just needs to mess around with himself, instead of the added pressure of US (women). Haha.

  About it being past relationships, ect... You probably have a note or two, or jewelery ect. from a past boytoy, that you never got rid of. Just because it's sexually related with his, doesn't mean you have the right to step on his toes. However there is a limit. If it's just on his computer, and every once in a while he takes a peek at it, let it be. Now, if he's constantly in front of the computer, and not with you. Or always telling you how ''Jenny used to do such and such" with him or "looked this way", then you've got a problem.

  I'm fairly certain that 2 years is not just a collection status to this guy. If you were, he wouldn't waste his time with you. You obviously are very important to him, so I'd say shrug it off. (Honestly he probably looks at his pictures of YOU more than you might know..)

  So unless it's a huge problem, or an addiction, I would leave it alone. He probably secretly thinks that you are the COOLEST girlfriend EVER if you haven't said anything thus far. By now, most of us would have haha.

  If you have this overwhelming urge to just know for certain, don't attack him. Just casually ask him if the videos are something he needs to keep around. Let him know they make you uncomfortable, and see where it goes from there.

  Best of luck!

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  Posted by CrazyDoug Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:22am PDT

  Porn is one thing, porn is no different than a vibrator; it is simply a tool for masturbation. Homemade pornography is another thing completely, at least the pornography starring people who are not your significant other. It would not be out of order to demand that he erase the videos and pictures of old flames. There are plenty of other ways he can get the visual stimulation he needs for masturbation, no need to pull up exgirlfriends. If he is really a necessary voyeur and if he is really and truly attached to it (you say you've talked to him about it so I assume you know) maybe offer to "re-make" the videos starring the girl in his life that matters to him, but only if he first deletes the ones on his computer. Before you do, though, make sure you understand that if you break up he is most likely taking them with him. Only you can know the real answer to this question, but the only answer that is not acceptable is to ban him from watching any porn. I guarantee that would put a fork in the relationship.

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  Posted by Ahleah G Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:24am PDT

  Normally I am pro-porn, but this seems a bit different. I don't think it's right to force someone to get rid of all old photos of exes. If they are nude photos that's a bit different and would really depend on your level of comfort. But if it's porn that he made with an ex, yes, he should let it go. It's not really right to keep watching it and most likely the ex wouldn't be too happy to find out he still had it. I would just bring it up with him, let him know that you are uncomfortable with him having it and would like him to get rid of it. Explain why it makes you uncomfortable. Heck, even offer to help him build a new collection if you feel so bold. Just don't get into a screaming match about it.

  This does assume you didn't find out about the porn through snooping, but rather that he knows you know. If you found out about it illicitly then you will need to either find a way for him to disclose it or to let him know you know he has it. And lastly if it's porn that he doesn't play a starring role in I think you should let him keep it.

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  Posted by Kelli Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:25am PDT

  I think it is def your right to ask questions. If you love someone and plan to be together all the secrets should go. So should the porn from the past girlfriends. Don't see how you can move forward hanging onto things from the past.

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  Posted by dan Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:57am PDT

  I am just like your boyfriend so i can tell you how this whole thing will go down. You can listen to all the advices and theories you want ...... but at the end of the day, just remember this ...if you decide to question him and ask him to get rid of all this material he has about other people ... you will loose him, slowly but surely, he will start lying to you, he might get rid of that material, but he will get new pictures, and this time it will be from strangers that he talks online, he will get online and have cyber sex with strangers, and eventually he will get so turn on by this chats that he will meet them and that will be the end.

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  Posted by Rebekah Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:05pm PDT

  Whenever I hear about a guy who has a home-made porn collection, I have to wonder who he is sharing it with. It's normal for guys to hold onto their porn, but home-made porn is a bit different. However, if you're having sex with him, then you should be able to talk to him about both his porn and his sexual history. Let him know how you're feeling, and ask him why home-made porn instead of Playboy. It may be something as simple as him finding regular women more attractive than most porn stars.

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  Posted by sara Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:12pm PDT

  guys like porn...it's just a thing we have to accept.. the thing that would bother me is that he KNOWS the people, and had relations with them...I think nothing of my man looking atstrangers but if he had naked pics of old girlfriends I would get upset..i don't know what I would do about it, but i guess i'm just letting you know that i understand and you are justified by being perplexed. Let him know how you feel because it's not healthy to keep it in...good luck!

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