I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. I'm in
my early mid twenties and he is in his late twenties. He
brought up marriage and rings last year and we have gone to look at
rings. We've been talking about getting married for a good
while but he hasn't proposed yet and it's driving me
nuts. He once told me that if he proposes it means he has to give
up that control. Right now the ball is in his court--it's
his choice when we get married because unless he proposes there
will be no wedding. I personally do not think that is right. Why
does the man always get to be in control of things like this. What
about what the woman wants? Secondly, he is the Marines and he will
be stationed in Japan come November. Which means, I can't
go because it's another country. Therefore, I am stuck in the
east coast with a lovely 12-hour time difference. We have never had
a normal relationship. We met just as he was joining the Marines,
so therefore the whole time we've been together, we've
really been apart. It's been nothing but long distance.
Here's the thing though. Because we have been doing a long
distance relationship, we have gotten the chance to get to
know one another really well. Because all we can do is talk
via email, phone or webcam. When he was only 4 hours away, we saw
each other every week or every 2 weeks, so it wasn't that
bad. I want to go with him to Japan, even though that is not
my ideal place to live. Wherever he is, that's where I want to
be. But time keeps ticking away and still no proposal, so all I can
hope for is one before he leaves for Japan and hopefully a wedding
early next year. I don't have a problem with doing this long
distance thing a little bit longer, I just don't want
to live in the U.S. when he's in Japan for 2-3 years.
That's just insane. I have expressed my feelings and
concerns to him and that's all I can do. In one breath he acts
like we will be together sooner than I think, and then in another
breath he acts like I'll be staying in the US for the
whole 2 years he is stationed there.
Are you dating a man in the military and faced with a similar
situation? Are you married but living apart most of the time? How
do you deal with be in a relationship or marriage with someone who
is never physically there?
User post: Dating a Man in the Military
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From the Community…
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:58pm PDT
Report AbuseHow can you know you want to be married if you have never spent more than 4 days together? Do you even know each other? It sounds like you need to prepare for being apart alot with this lifestyle and job. Good luck to you, but dont rush into a marriage just cause he isnt there physically, that only puts a ring on your finger, doesnt get you anymore time with the man of your dreams.
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:08pm PDT
Report AbuseWell i dont know if i can give you any grand advise, but i will try. I was up untill about 3 weeks ago engaged to a man in the Army. We were together for 5 years, he joined when we were in our 3rd year together. He proposed to me when he finished Basic Training and AIT. We were to get married on our 5 year ann. Everything was set and in place and then he recived his orders to leave for Iraq. We were to be married on 10/2009. So we decided that we were going to wait untill he came home. He left for Iraq this month, and as i said before he just informed me about 3 weeks ago that he dosnt think it will work.
From my experence and what your telling me is that Military men have a fear of commitment. So many girls are not faithful to their men durring their deployments and that causes a stigma between them. I would explain how you feel and tell him that you are pre-paired to take on the life he has chosen with him. If he still dosent want to get married before he leaves, ask him is it because maybe he is fearfull of that next step. I still love my "Boyfriend" or whatever it is that we are now. And i personally am taking this time to show him that i really do love him and he has no reason to worry. Honestly at the end of the day if you love him and he loves you then it will work out, besides the marrage cert is only a peice of paper. Use this time to find out if this is what you want for the rest of your life. When you marry a man/woman in the military your not only comitting your self to them your commiting yourself to the military as well.
Good Luck with this and I hope that in some small way that maybe this helped. Bless you for you commitment to him and bless him for his commitment to our country.
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:10pm PDT
Report AbuseTrueBlue I meant we never have spent more than maybe 4 days straight together at ONE TIME! We would spend every weekend together or every other when he was just 4 hrs away. We;ve spent a lot of time together over the past year just not as much as we would probably if he would just be living closer. Believe me we know each other realllllly well!!!
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:12pm PDT
Report AbuseI just deal with it! My situation is a little bit different than your, hubby and I met in the military. We serve together in the Navy for ten years. When we got out, he stayed in the resevre. I have dealt with him being active duty in the middle east and now he is on the west coast. While I am on the east coast. Communication is key, both of you must be aware of how hard a long distant relationship is, and be willing to do the work. It will be 21 years that we have been married soon. Somedays I can cry the whole day, but those days are few and far between. It helps to have good friends and family to support you. This has made a world of difference to me, some of the folks here on shine have kept me going.
Follow your heart, talk to your man and both of you decide is this something that you both really want. I hope everything works out for you.
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:51pm PDT
Report AbuseMilitary relationships are challenging and if you two are on the same page then the ball will get rolling, however, if he is "holding out" on a proposal with an upcoming move then now is the time to sit down and talk to him. Tell him your not trying to be in control but if you two are planning a future together then he needs to get out of that mindset that he as control when your in a relationship its suppose to be equal. Re-evaluate your situation..think of the big picture! Is he someone you really wanna risk time and energy on? Is it worth the possible 2-3 year wait if he hasn't decided what he really wants to do. He's at that age where he should have his priorities in line...good luck
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:54pm PDT
Report Abuse"mr. fine"
This remind me about a day when I was stacked at the gym (good old days...). The exercise was without protection (of course, like many exercises after all). With the heavy weight lifting stacked on my chest I answered to a helper person instead: "I'm fine, I'm just fine" (witch I was not lol) And after this, I was subject of jokes several months on the gym without knowing why.
Anyway, you must admit that is something terrible wrong with the persons who are obviously stacked, requesting help without needed it or even refusing it, not before but in the mid while and even after received it, against the evidence (witch was not my case but hypothetically speaking lol).
P.S.
A word from my country says: "the army make made a person much smart or more stupid".
Hurry up and go to Japan until is not tooo late for both of you. Anyway just go to Japan... lol Next year it may be tooo late for both of you. Do you really want him to be brain washed? :-)
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:16pm PDT
Report AbusePersonally I broke everything off before I got deployed. Not because I didn’t love her, but because it was way too soon to get married. That was last thing I wanted her to do to her was to wait on me. Its not fair to her or me... Hell I didn’t know if I would come back maimed or my noodle fried or if I would even come back at all... I’m glad I did that.. she would have waited; just so she could see me get deployed time and time again. I love what I do, it’s not a job, its my life... One day I will settle down some place quite and raise a family... But as of right now that is so far off on the horizon...
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:29pm PDT
Report AbuseMy fiance and I have been together for 4 years, we were both in the Navy for 5 years and stationed other places. Why can't you go to Japan? Personally, I'd wait a little while longer before marrying him. Especially if you stay here and he goes to Japan while you're married.
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:29pm PDT
Report AbuseMy fiance and I have been together for 4 years, we were both in the Navy for 5 years and stationed other places. Why can't you go to Japan? Personally, I'd wait a little while longer before marrying him. Especially if you stay here and he goes to Japan while you're married.
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Posted by Wed Aug 12, 2009 3:10pm PDT
Report AbuseHELLO I AM MIMI I AM A ARMY WIFE. AND ME AND MY HUSBAND GOT MARRIED IN DEC AND HE LEFT IN MAY. IT WAS HARD FOR ME HE WENT TO AFGHANISTAN. I WAS HURT AND SAD. BUT IF HE LOVE U AND U LOVE HIM BEING APART WILL WORK. I AM A STRONG FEMALE. IT WILL B A YEAR IN DEC 2009. I MISS HIM SO MUCH. MY FRIST LOVE. I HOPE YOUR MAN ASK U TO MARRID HIM.
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