On the radio this morning, a topic came up on whether a man who
cheats on his wife really love them? Both sides had valid
points. Guys were saying sex outside the marriage is simply a
physical thing, a release so to speak, nothing intimate about it,
no emotional connection involved, as long as you hide it well, you
should be okay.
Women were saying that if he truly loved his wife it just
wouldn't happen period no matter the lust he felt, or the
temptation thrown his way, for him to cheat on her meant he really
didn't care.
My personal opinion is yes, a man can love his wife yet get pleased
sexually elsewhere besides home. Love isn't the problem
here, respect is. I feel that once you decide to propose and
get married, you should understand the responsibilities that come
along with that, especially fighting temptation. You CHOSE to
take your relationship to the next level, she said yes with full
faith and trust in you, most women do take those vows
seriously. Though to guys sex with someone else may not mean
anything, they love their spouse to death and the last thing they
want is to lose their family, to the woman thats a pain thats very
hard to take. You didn't respect her enough to avoid the
one thing that is a sure relationship ender. Mind you, in
most cases the women find out either by the mans actions, or
someone else, the last thing you'd want is her finding out by
someone else telling her or bringing it to her attention, now not
only is she being cheated on but also humiliated because others
around her know but she doesn't. It's even worse when
you have children because it shows lack of respect for your
family life as a whole. It's like your saying you were willing
to risk all of that just for a simple relief that you could have
gotten at home. Or even worse such as in the
McNair case, the wife finding out AFTER he dies!!! How do you
get through something like that?! You can't ask why, your hurt,
angry, disappointed, here it is he's dead but your left with
the questions not just from yourself but the kids and everyone
else! How do you get through those emotions, anger, hate, love,
hurt you name it! Wow I couldn't imagine.
I always tell people simply because you love someone is
not enough of a reason to get married and start a family, both
people have to be mentally and physically prepared for such an
undertaking, it takes a great deal of maturity, compromise and
sacrifice. No relationship is easy but with the right amount
of understanding and communication it can be made less hard.
Understand that issues that you had before marriage will not go
away simply because your married, if your future husband is a
partyer flirt, etc, that will NOT go away with marriage. If
your future wife is insecure, jealous etc...that will not go away
with marriage. If two people are serious about making that
step then certain things will start to wain before hand so that
they can go into the relationship with a clear mind and work on it
together. Unfortunately that rarely happens. I
can't tell you how many weddings I've been too for friends,
families and co workers where I'm saying to myself
'goodness these people should not be getting married!' But
to each it's own, where the delusion that once you get married
all problems stop come from is beyond me lol.
So ladies I want to hear your take on this?
Guys I want to really hear your opinions as well. In fact I want to
hear how it would be taken if the shoe was on the other foot, what
would you do if you found out your wife whom never gave you an
inkling of a clue as to her 'dipping' out on you, was
cheating on you? Would you accept the it didn't mean anything
reasoning? How would you take it if it came from your friends or
peers? Would you leave or would you stay? If you stayed, how would
it affect your trust and relationship as a whole, could you still
look at her the same?
User post: Does a man who cheats on his wife really love her?
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From the Community…
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:53am PDT
Report Abusenope, cause if he loved me as much as he says he does then he wouldnt go behind my back like that. so if a guy cheats on me and tells me he "loves me" then i will say i know you do, but just not enough to not cheat on me.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:05am PDT
Report AbusePorn is a multi billion dollor industy for a reason. Simply put, for most guys love and sex are unrelated, mostly physical. For women it's totally opposite. Trust me.. They're not laying in bed talking about their future together. It's more like "Hurry up and finish cause i got to get home or my wife's gonna be pissed".. Can a guy "make love", yes its possible. Can a women just have sex, yes it's possible, but overall the problem lies in the differances.. Cheating is wrong either way you look at it, but cheataing for guys usually has nothing to do with love..
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:12am PDT
Report AbuseThe only way I see it being okay is if the couple agree, in advance, that they will have other sexual partners. Cheating is deceitful and is not love or respect. (and before anyone gets into bashing me...I don't personally support folks having multiple partners, but if it's agreed upon, then it really is just their business and none of mine.)
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:19am PDT
Report AbuseA man makes up incredible stories just to get that girl even if it means denying they have a wife and 2 kids....in the middle of the relationship, they will admit...because they know that the girl is hooked.
They always blame the girl, says nasty things about their wives but how can you really know? I think these are confused guys, truly unsatisfied and ego tripping. They wanna know if they can still pull it.
Or maybe they are just really sick in the head. In the end, they will never marry the other woman...it was just for the comfort, relaxation and youthful feeling. perhaps an escape from their boring married life.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:25am PDT
Report AbuseI think you hit the nail on the head Diva!! Marriage is not just about love, its more about respect! Love can be a very unstable emotion and it isnt strong enough to build an entire lifetime just counting on love. However, my personal thoughts on love is that
Respect+Devotion+Trust=Love. By cheating, you are breaking all of those factors, so to me, cheating= the end of our love.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:39am PDT
Report AbuseI think a better word would be RESPECT. But to answer the question, NO, he doesn't love her or respect her.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:09pm PDT
Report AbuseIf a man or women wants to be a cheater than do not get married. If you wanna cheat when your married then tell your wife or husband you want a divorce first and find some place to live. My way or the highway!
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:17pm PDT
Report AbuseTo me it's all about RESPECT. I'm going to be short and sweet about this, they made a (what is supposed to be a) lifelong commitment to each other. Crossing boundaries and hiding it shows lack of respect and consideration and quite frankly not giving a d-amn. These type of people drive me insane.
If either partner is not ok with the other having outside sexual partners, then they should respect their wishes. It's not all ME, ME, ME anymore and if they can't get it through their thick skulls then marriage is most likely not for them. If you can't handle the heat, stay outta the kitchen!!!!
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:59pm PDT
Report AbuseIf I found that my wife was stepping out on me it would be a total shock. Yes, it would cause immense damage to our marriage because of loss of trust. Would I stay? I really don’t know what I would do because I have zero personal experience or observed close family experience with infidelity or divorce.
In part however, the problem is already in place when the wrong kind of guy is selected as a mate. At the extremes, some guys are hardwired to cheat, some guys are hardwired in their DNA not to cheat and there is a whole continuum in between. I could write a thesis on this, but this isn’t the proper forum.
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Posted by Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:08pm PDT
Report AbuseI am not surprised that this question is up here. This is crazy. Anybody who is willng to sleep with and be intimate with someone else is simply not in love and does not LOVE the person they are in a relationship with. Love is about sacrifice and devotion. GROW UP!
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