I'm recently single, and a close guy friend of mine is as
well. We've been friends for over 2 years; we were
friends-with-benefits for a couple of months after we first
met until I broke it off because I wanted a commitment and he
didn't want to be in a relationship at the time. I've
always had deep feelings for him and now is the first time in over
a year that we're both single at the same time--the last time,
we hooked up again on two occasions. I'm going back to college
in his native area in a week and he's already told me to let
him know when I'm back so we can hang out, and I plan to.
I really care about him and I want to give being coupled-up a real
shot since I think we would be great together. We differ a bit on
values. He's a pretty devout Christian, music director at his
church, while I'm Agnostic but have always been open to
learning about various religions; and naturally he's more
conservative, while I'm a total social liberal (I am quite
fiscally conservative, though). We both have a lot of common
interests; we wear our hearts on our sleeves. We have so much fun
together; we can easily talk on the phone for an hour or more at a
time and we make each other laugh. I know he still finds me
attractive because I take pride in my appearance, and he always has
a sincere, specific compliment for me whenever he sees me.
Thing is, I feel like I have a decent platform with which to work
already, but I don't know how to work with it or make
it work for me. Anyone have any ideas for me? Can this
transformation from friend to girlfriend work, or is it
impossible? Have you been in a situation like this? If so, how
did it turn out?
User post: From friend to girlfriend: Is it possible?
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From the Community…
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Posted by Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:01pm PDT
Report Abuseit can work me and my boyfriend were friends before we got together
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Posted by Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:06pm PDT
Report AbuseIt works very well.I was afriend to a lady for two good years, then became a girl friend and believe it, she is now my beloved wife in the house.
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Posted by Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:39pm PDT
Report AbuseYes, it can work! My b/f and I were friends for about 3 years before we got together. It's been a little over a year now, and I couldn't be happier.
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Posted by Sun Aug 23, 2009 11:20pm PDT
Report AbuseIt worked for me and I've been dating my partner for almost 5 years. The only thing that concerns me about your story is the former friends with benefits thing. That might complicate issues just because there's a disjointed history there. But I'd say, if you want to try it and he does too, give a relationship a shot. If it works out, it's really worth it.
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Posted by Sun Aug 23, 2009 11:44pm PDT
Report AbuseMy husband and I started exactly the same way - friends, and then FWB for about 10 months. We kept saying we would stop, for the sake of the friendship, but somehow always ended up in each others' beds again...
One day, I turned to him and said "You know, even if we keep telling ourselves this is nothing more than sex, if we were to stop right now, or if one of us found someone else, it would feel like a break up... so we're either going to have a break up at some stage or we're just going to be together forever!"
He freaked out and had to think about it for a few weeks, but then came back and said that I was completely right and we should give it a go.
Four years later and we've just gotten married in March! Living proof that it can happen!
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:18am PDT
Report AbuseI think whatever you decide to do you just remember to follow your heart. Yeah it sounds cheesy but its nothing but the truth. You have been friends with him and you have gotten close. Me and my girlfriends have this rule. It goes if you get to close to the guy and become friends before you start dating, there is a chance that you may have crossed the friend line and its nothing but a friendship from there. However, if he is a shy guy, he might not know that you want to be more or might not want to tell you how he feels about you. It sounds like you are close but that there is just a tiny bit of room to wiggle. I say take the chance and see what he thinks. If you don't you might live to regret it. Plus opposites do attract. Good luck!
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:52am PDT
Report AbuseHe seems to be very interested in "hooking up" but not dating you. You wanted a relationship with him, he did not want one with you. He did not want a relationship "at the time" but you later said that this is "the first time in over a year that we're both single at the same time." He clearly did not have any qualms about dating other people who were not you.
If he is a very conservative person, it seems strange to me that he is interested in treating you like a booty call.
I know it may seem harsh, but what they say is true - he probably just isn't interested. When men say that they "don't want to be in a relationship right now" it means they don't really like you all that much. Maybe they like you enough to fool around on occasion after a few too many but that is about it. He's single now, he doesn't have anyone that he IS interested, so yes, he would love to hang out with you, and hook up with you NOW..... until he meets someone else that he does want to date.
Can friends eventually start dating? Yes. That is how my relationship started. Will that happen with your "friend"? Probably not. Good luck in finding a great guy that isn't going to play with your emotions and will treat you right (not like a booty call).
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 2:02am PDT
Report AbuseTigress, situations like urs haunts many of us as well. wat i would tell u is dat u should have faith n stay positive. it is very much possible to go through dis transformation from a friend to girlfriend. u gotta stay positive n put urself out there so u can get wat u want. remember, opportunity does not knock anymore...it honks and then leaves if you dont take da offer. u never kno wats possible or impossible until u test it out urself rite? good luck to u b(-_^)
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Posted by Mon Aug 24, 2009 2:23am PDT
Report AbuseYes! I think this would make the relationship a lot stronger if you started out as friends first.
Good luck!
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