Ask yourself: Do you want a man? Or do you need a man?
This is a vital question.
You see, I get a lot of letters from women who say they just
can't face another birthday "alone." I get these
letters from 25-year-old women, 32-year-old women, 48-year-old
women, and 60-year-old women.
They don't want a man. They need a man.
There's a big difference in needing a man and wanting one, let
me tell you. It makes all the difference in whether you attract a
man who'll love you and make your happiness a priority, or a
man who'll fulfill his own wants and needs first (and leave you
waiting around).
Men pick up on women who like men, who want one but don't
necessarily need one, and they act accordingly.
They also pick up (like radar!) women who need a man, who are
freaking out about being single, and they act accordingly.
So...what vibe are you giving off?
If you fall into the "needing" category, admit it.
There's no need to be ashamed. From this day on, cultivate the
happiness, self-reliance, and self-love that will attract the good
man you deserve.
Happy women who love and respect themselves attract men who love
and respect them and want to keep them happy.
How do you do become one of these women?
Start by treating yourself like a treasure yet to be discovered.
Speak to yourself as you would a beloved child. If you're in
the habit of saying things like, "It's just my
luck...," "I'm so stupid," or "I'm
destined to be alone," stop. Immediately.
Change your words: "I love and accept myself
unconditionally," "I am a treasure yet to be
discovered," "I am attracting good men, good friends, and
happy circumstances."
Every single day treat yourself as you would the person you love
most in the world. I'm not talking about conceit. If it helps,
think about how you would treat the most fabulous boyfriend in the
world, and treat yourself that way.
Above all, know that there will still be times when you are unsure
of yourself, when you don't have all the answers, when you walk
into a room of strangers and feel a little scared. This is okay.
This is human.
Love yourself anyway.
You will soon find yourself attracting better men, better friends,
and happy circumstances.
User post: How to Attract a Good Man (Without Killing Yourself)
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From the Community…
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 3:45pm PST
Report Abusewhy a girl dide for her boy.that is so true i was pregnant one day i was going to shot mysfe.
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 3:48pm PST
Report AbuseFinally, a beautifully useful and meaningful blog. Thankyou. I use to NEED a man, but I realized that that isn't true anymore. I don't need a man to fulfill or complete me. I want one whenever it happens. I'm not necessarily looking for one, but am open to being in a relationship when it may happen. I've learned to take care of myself and love and accept myself unconditionally. I've learned what I want and need in a relationship and what I don't want and need. I won't settle and I won't be taken for granted or taken advantage of or settle into a boring complacent state of being. I feel so much freer since I've finally realized this at 51!
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 5:57pm PST
Report AbuseI am happy I stumble across your blog I am one of those ladies who feels and think I needed a man. But I just realize I don't, I am going to take care of me and when the time is right the right guy will come along
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 7:07pm PST
Report AbuseLet's talk about love;
" Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the wrongs of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. "
It's paraphrase, but many may be familiar with this.
You may think that finding a "good man" is difficult. It is much harder for a guy to find a "good woman". One worthy of being exhaulted.
What is a good woman?
"A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!"
I think we all know where to turn to for good advice.
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 7:49pm PST
Report AbuseDoes this also apply with how you were raised...? 'Cause my parents have been giving off this indirect message not to get married or be with another individual. I hate to say this, but this message sticked. Like I'm incapable for being in a relationship because I have my problems to worry about...friends aren't considered a problem, but a top priority; and then the other necessities follow. Being in a relationship with anyone doesn't even exist on my list for me...
Somehow, this guy friend...gave me this twisted advice that I need to get laid. I don't consider him a good friend, or perceptive of anyone's motives for that matter. Just because I was just tired of life that day. Also I believe he wasn't kidding around, and he brags that he can get into anyone's mind...
Even though I know what an egotistical, and underlying insecure a---- that I appreciate occasionally is usually incorrect, sometimes I question myself...like maybe he's right. By the way, I don't find him worth talking to anymore...since there are few chances of seeing each other. Also it happened a year ago...and yeah I take every moment in my life into present thought. I consider myself semi-post-traumatic. :p
So yeah, I believe the User Post stated above is somewhat true...you just have to apply all factors of your personality...and reactions of life's moments to determine that you're desperate or not. I see myself most likely to be asexual, and I hate that I don't feel anything...like the majority here. And also I'm terrified of pregnancy...and I compulsively lie that I'm sterile. Someone please give me advice? :c
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 8:00pm PST
Report AbuseI am not in a relationship but I am dating, a couple of men. This last year has been transforming for me. Before I NEEDED a man all the time. Now I want a man. My trust in God has grown to the point that I know I can take care of myself, not always easy, but much easier when you believe in yourself and God. Men find me attractive because they mention they are attracted to my independence. Thank you God!
(I can't believe I am describing myself. YEAH!)
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 8:23pm PST
Report AbuseI used to attracted abusive men. I used to need a man, I was willing to do anything-put up with anything just so I wouldnt be alone-. Yet I found myself always alone. They used me, took what they wanted, and left me alone in the dust.
For a while I thought thats all I would ever be worth. Untill I found my strength. I realized that I needed to be alone. To find myself before I commited to another man.
At first it was sheer heck. I'd wake up in the middle of the night crying because I was alone. I'd look for someone to hold constantly. But those urges faded with time. Finaly, I was happy sleeping in my bed alone, I was happy being alone. I could do what I wanted, when and how I wanted. I could do the hobbies I always wanted to try.
Thats when I met Ian. I did something for myself and found the man who loves me the way I want to be loved.
I found him by being happy to be alone.
Now I know however much I love him, if it ends, I'll still be ok. And I'm the happyiest I've ever been with him.
(put us in your prayers-we may be pregant)
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 8:38pm PST
Report AbuseMartin 9446, where have you been all my life?-lol
Like Nose, I too learned some of those lesson when in my late 40's. I've also discovered I do not need a man; however, I do desire to have the companionship of the opposite sex. I've held myself and cried all night long, i've held myself with the longing to be in masculine arms, and a gentle embrace, with someone saying it is going to be alright. I miss light kisses and arms around me, a soft voice, someone to laugh with, someone to talk too, i like men, and i enjoy their company. I can and have and will continue to take care of myself, but i am still looking for someone with no attached strings, but a real heart.
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Posted by Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:34pm PST
Report AbuseI am still unattached, and still looking. I would very much like to meet an intelligent, fun and loving man. I would like to travel more.
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