User post: Is is okay to date someone that you already know is not "The One"?

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  Posted by Nicole Milano Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:34am PDT

  I think that you should really sit down and think about what you want for your future, not your moms or anyone elses. Figure out if you want marriage and a kids. Kids dont make a family, love and commitment does. After you have really taken a good look at what you want then moved forward whether that is with your bf or not. If you come to the conclusion that you dont want marriage or kids then talke to him about the you two's future together, alot of couples dont have kids by choice, and thats just fine. but if you do want kids and to be married then you are wasting his and your time and i think that you would need to let the relationship go, so you both can find someone that wants the same thing that you do...

  I hope i helped

  NM

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  Posted by TJ S Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:39am PDT

  If everyone goes around thinking that just because other people are lactose intolerant, that means I'll be too, the dairy industry would've been dead and gone a long time ago. Why are you basing your life and what will happen to you on what other people have experienced? It doesn't make sense. Basically you're saying "Oh, I may as well not even try because other people have tried and failed!" Find out what you want, and don't put it on other people to figure it out for you. If you don't want to get serious right now and are enjoying your "relationship" with this guy, keep at it. If you are just hiding out until someone better comes along who magically makes you think about marriage then you're going about things wrong. It sounds like you're hiding out because you're afraid to have a meaningful, serious relationship.

  Sure it's ok to date someone for fun....if that's what you want. But if you are asking that then it means you are at least thinking about having a serious relationship or that you could be wasting your time. The first step is figuring out what you want. The second is acting on it. Hope that helps because a lot of people are in the same place that you are: Not sure of what they want as far as a relationship and thinking there's some magical sign that will give them the answer.

  I'm right with you, when I get married, I want it to be one time, for the right reasons and to the right person. Marriage isn't a monster ready to eat your life. It's a bond you enter into with a person that loves you for you and wants to be your partner in life.

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  Posted by *GoldenGirl*™ Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:07am PDT

  I think its fine also, besides if you were with the one you "thought" was the one who is to say you would be totally happy as no relationship is perfect, and after dating the one you thought was Mr. Right for a while he may totally turn into Mr. Wrong. So enjoy dating this other man until you come to the time in your life when you want what he cant offer. Good Luck.

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  Posted by *GoldenGirl*™ Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:09am PDT

  I say this from experience, cause my current BF I thought was the one, but I am having my doubts as of late, we are always coming across a new conflict and it leaves me thinking he is not the one. So you could say I am just dating him knowing he isnt it.

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  Posted by Curtis F Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:20am PDT

  Without reading everything: It's only fine if you let him know he's not the one. Even if he breaks up with you. If not, then you're leading him on and letting him believe something you shouldn't be.

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  Posted by None Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:26am PDT

  If you get to a point where you are looking for the One, I wouldn't really waste my time, BUT, somtimes forcing things is bad, so sometimes taken things lightly will eventually find you the soul mate, IDK, do what you feel is right

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  Posted by pwsgirl Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:40am PDT

  I agree with those who say you first need to figure out what you really want out of your life. It sounds to me as if you already DO know, deep down, that you want a husband and family someday, but you enjoy your current bf and are afraid of hurting him by breaking it off because you know he doesn't share your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps the big attraction is the fact that he DOESN'T feel the way you do--maybe you are afraid of the committment of marriage because others have failed at it and you figure he is a safe bet to keep you from walking that path. Keep in mind that many men and women as time and relationships continue will change their way of thinking about marriage--maybe they don't want it at first, but come to realize later that they do. Only you can decide for sure what will be right for you. Don't listen to anyone but yourself. Good luck!

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  Posted by SexyLady25 Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:27am PDT

  Girl, please... There is no such thing as "The One" ..... You're being ridiculous and immature. DO NOT listen to your mother nor your aunt, simply because they are not in the relationship with this man. You are. Just because people say things, doesn't mean it's written in stone. I don't care what that guy is saying to you now. Once he's satisfied with this art career and it gets stable, he'll want marriage and kids. If he wants to be in a committed relationship with you, that should tell you something. Ok, so you've been with him for 1 year. You guys should just STOP talking about marriage and kids and let things be. He's a wonderful and honest guy, like you said, so what's the problem? Just go with the flow. Don't pressure him and don't stress yourself. In the next year you may be barefoot and pregnant. Who knows? Just relax. You said that you're not ready either, so it seems like you guys want the same thing or is it that you have no idea what you want? lol You're both confused. Usually men who don't want to get married or have kids are self centered and can't really commit to anything in life. You guys have a relationship, so that's a start.

  Stop complaining and don't let your family push you into running this guy away with all of this marriage and baby carriage talk. Goodluck :)

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  Posted by Shelly Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:01pm PDT

  A good, worth while or shall I say sucessful, independent, confidnet man is never "looking" for a wife and children...That is just added responsibility he doesnt NEED. Family is something is desired once someone is in love, unless they are highly insecure and dependant (yuk). He can meet his own needs (maybe with the help of any beautiful, fun, "temporary" woman). Logically speaking, why commit when he has a varitey of available women around every corner wanting to do whatever they can in attempts to "tame the beast." When he has ACCIDENTALLY found "The One" his wants will change to his surprise. Until then, he will have perfect relationships with good sex, no complications, no one to answer to...when you want more, you will be replaced with the next woman willing to do whatever it takes to try and tame him. Unless, he realizes in your absence you are the one. There are no guarantees with or without marriage. Enjoy doing what makes you happy. When the time is right, which may not be your control, your "One" will find you...that doesn't exclude the guy your with now, he has you and things are perfect, for him. You need to decide if it is perfect for you- at least for today. You can reevaluate everyday. When the relationship doesnt make YOU happy anymore, leave. That will be the only time you know if you are "The One." But dont try to force it and leave when you are not ready or try to see if your the one too soon. That is manipulative and a game. Enjoy eachother one day at a time until you are not satisfied anymore. If he ends up loving you, he will want to fulfull your every desire and your wants will become his wants. If he doesnt come after you, then you have grown in some way. You will have learned characteristcs you want and dont want. Your ideal partner will evolve which will make for a more sucessful relationship. Dont force bad relationships to work. Its a waste of emotional energy and is irrational. You dont have to know what you want in the future....just know what you want today!

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  Posted by Cathy Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:04pm PDT

  It's been my experience with this same situation...that doors don't open readily until you close some. You are standing in a convenient gap, and I truly understand, but it is confusion at it's worst when hearts are involved. Please be careful. Consider the joy of meeting the right guy and telling him you are completely available - completeness can be a very good thing. He will appreciate it - and you will feel good because there will be no confusion. Good Luck!

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