Is it destructive to a couple’s relationship if they both
have different sleep schedules?
In thinking about the overall quality and growth of a couple’s
RELATIONSHIP, how important is it that couples actually
sleep together? In asking this, I’m not referencing a couple’s
sexual chemistry or sexual compatibility. I’m specifically
referencing a couple literally falling asleep and sleeping together
in the same bed during the same time frames.
This thought, or “wonder” actually, came to mind one night while I
was out walking and thinking about various things attributed to
positive growth and direction in intimate relationships. That in
mind, I feel that physical and emotional connection greatly help in
nurturing relational growth, and it seemed that a couple sleeping,
or ‘snoozing’, together qualifies as a means of connection.
When I think back to the later stages of my marriage, my ex and I
worked different shift schedules. During this stage of our failing
marriage, a great degree of disconnection was occurring, and I
couldn’t help thinking that our differing sleep schedules played a
part in it. So this makes me wonder, generally speaking and with
the quality and continuity of a couple’s relationship in mind, is
it actually destructive to a couple’s relationship if their sleep
schedules differ?
But what about singles seeking long-term intimacy? If you met a
potential partner who worked a job that resulted in their living
with a different sleep schedule than yours, would that one fact
cause you to question your overall compatibility with them? Or,
actually, are different sleep schedules beneficial to some
couples?
What are your thoughts?
Wishing everyone a beautiful day!
Peace, Love and Harmony,,, Shawn
User post: Is it destructive to a couple’s relationship if they both have different sleep schedules?
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 8:40am PDT
Report AbuseMy husband and I have been together nearly 14 years, and have worked different shifts most of our time together. Our relationship has always worked, and I think the time apart makes us appreciate our time together even more. Not to mention, it definitely seems to make the sex hotter when we haven't been able to spend much time together.
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 8:40am PDT
Report AbuseWell, I think you have to work harder to stay connected when you use the bed at different time. My husband works the night shift and I'm a straight 9-5. We both teach fitness classes 2 nights a week. Sex has been harder and finding time to date is almost impossible. But, we are comitted to making it work. Life is about choices and our choice is to do the very best we can.
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 8:52am PDT
Report AbuseI think it does. Me and my man try to go to bed at the same time. Only once or twice have we failed to go to bed at the same time. I have a hard time sleeping unless my man is right next to me and he feels the same way.
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 8:55am PDT
Report AbuseI can imagine having different sleep schedules can make intimacy harder on a couple. I personally love going to bed with my husband every night. I tend to not sleep so well when he is out of town a weekend here and there.
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:11am PDT
Report AbuseEither it is a major disconnect or you grow fonder
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:39am PDT
Report AbuseI think it is definitely a challenge to a relationship. In addition to being in bed together facilitating regular sex, it is also when I get some of my best just holding and being close time. It is usually our most relaxing time together, and waking up with the other person there is great too. I think relationships could be made to work with different sleep schedules, but not by everyone. It just depends on how important that aspect of your relationship is to you.
In my former relationship things started to really go south when we had opposite work schedules and rarely saw each other. There were other issues, but it was a big contributor.
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:55am PDT
Report AbuseMe and my Husband have completly opposite sleep times. The only time we are in the bed at the same time is on the weekends.It is rough during the week, but I believe it makes us appreaciate the time we have together. We live for the weekends, for the time we can spend together. We make every attempt to make the most of whatever we are doing. In the end its not easy, but it works and I dont feel disconnected.
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:57am PDT
Report AbuseMy husband gets up every morning at 5am and I get up around 7:30. He goes to bed around 9:30 every night and I am up until 12am some nights.
We have been together for 10 years and this has never had any negative impact on our relationship. Sometimes things just are what they are and don't need to be analyzed. What works for one couple may not work for another.
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:32am PDT
Report AbuseI don't see how different sleep schedules could be counted as the reason for the demise of a relationship. My husband and I have been happily married for 21 years, and generally always have a different schedule. He is in bed by 10 pm most nights, including weekends. I am the night owl and rarely hit the hay anytime before 2-3am. My parents have been together 48 years and also have similar sleeping patterns--and don't even sleep in the same room due to medical conditions that keep the other awake. So, for us, all is well in spite of the sleeping arrangements.
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Posted by Fri Sep 18, 2009 4:54pm PDT
Report AbuseMy ex used to work overnight shifts while I was working a 9-5 job and going to school 3 night/week. I thought it put a strain on our relationship at the time, but in retrospect it was probably the best 2 years of our relationship because it made me work harder to make sure we had "our time". I would plan nice homecooked meals for us on the nights we were both home and we had a routine on our one full day together. Breakfast at our favorite coffee shop, dog beach, just being together. It got much harder when we got on the same schedule, and eventually the strain was too much...
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