User post: Keys to Success for "Friends with Benefits"?

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  Posted by Wits & Brains Tue May 19, 2009 12:53am PDT

  "Frennies with Bennies" as I like to call it never works"..Men and woman are made up chemically different..although there lies exceptions to every rule. Women, in general, and from experience, get emotionally attached whether they want to admit it or not...however, on the occasion the "F with B" occurs it usually ends up with you feeling empty and wishing it was with someone who you feel a connection emotionally too...its also not worth the risk of preggers and std's... Do it yourself...no guilt, no awkwardness, and you still have a friend.

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  Posted by SHEZZ-SHARKK Tue May 19, 2009 2:48am PDT

  YES,there is such a thing as "friends w/ benifits"-anytime either of you have or give a feeling of "goodness" or "happiness" or "just because", even if the feeling is a negative...anytime you have a feeling or it makes you think about things then..it was and is or has been a "friend w/ benifits".Doesn't necesarily mean monitary value..could you really put a pridce on friendship..REAL FRIENDSHIP IS PRICELESS AND KNOWS CAN BE BOTH MALE & FEMALE_IT KNOWS NO SEX ORRIENTATION>>>

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  Posted by Nose Tue May 19, 2009 4:31am PDT

  I agree with Wits & Brains re the emotional attachments that most often happen on the woman's side of things. Yes there are exceptions to that rule but in my experience it's so true. I had a one night stand some months ago and would've been fine if I never heard from him ever again. That night seemed to heal some stuff I've been going through. Well, he ended up calling me from the road (he travels the country for his job) every few days and we had these incredible conversations. He gave great phone! Then allovasudden, the calls stopped. I wrote him an email and got one back a week later, very formal mostly informative as to what's going on with him. No calls since. My heart got into him and I got attached. Now I've got to detach......not so easy to do.

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  Posted by pwsgirl Tue May 19, 2009 5:20am PDT

  I don't see how this kind of relationship could ever work out. When you become intimate with someone, nine times out of ten one of the parties involved is going to become emotionally attached in some way beyond just the platonic. Also, if you are just friends and having the "benefits" as well, what happens when one of you finds someone you truly want to have a relationship with? Do you mess around with both people? That can be dangerous! I say keep friendships as friendships only, and if you need the "bennies" get into a monogamous relationship.

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  Posted by jackie Tue May 19, 2009 5:26am PDT

  I think that a fwb is sometimes good as we all have needs but it is true that as women we get emotionally attached!As much as we try not to,it happens.Although I may not really want him,I find myself jealous at times.

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  Posted by None Tue May 19, 2009 6:22am PDT

  I would only do this if we do a contract in blood, i mean, writing, and say if we are just solely sleeping together, if you decide to fck someone else, you are obliged to tell me and the contract is terminated, something like that, I couldn't do something like this, unless this friend was very trustworthy or I had known for years, but then, emotion will enter I think, if he "betrays" you somehow, I don't know, who cares I take back my comment, I am dead tired, sorry folks.

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  Posted by *devotion72 Tue May 19, 2009 6:33am PDT

  Ok; I have to admit; I had a FWB. As far as it never works out..IS WRONG! I have now been with him for 1 hear now and get along great! He just got us a home and He is my best friend still! We talk about everything and we always work things out! He's great with my kids and he's there for them.

  We got to this point because I was always there for him and helping him out. Yes he did the same for me but this is something we both decided on. I trust him and he trusts me too. It depends on the kind of FWB you have with that person!

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  Posted by Kathy Tue May 19, 2009 7:07am PDT

  Well, I'm in a fwb relationship now. Yes, I'm attached but not like I would be if it were a real relationship. We keep our lives completely separate. One of us will move on eventually...I know this. In the meantime, the 'relationship' provides that something extra we both need.

  With the right mindset, these relationships can be fulfilling and enjoyable! Besides, the best things in life come along when nobody is looking for them!

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  Posted by Aj Tue May 19, 2009 8:02am PDT

  I try not to have one of those relationships cause you feel used and abused when the guy leaves OR if he finds another girl to be in a real relationship! Hmmmm its basically a waste of time......

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  Posted by Phoenix Tue May 19, 2009 8:04am PDT

  I was in a FWB relationship early on in my sexual life. Yes, it can work out. We stopped when I got into a more serious relationship and stayed great friends. We lost touch when he moved to Colorado, but it's my feeling that until one of us moved the friendship would have remained strong regardless of our sexual history. The benefits I found in a FWB relationship was being able to get sex regularly, but still being able to have personal freedom and be single. Sometimes FWBs can turn into a long-term meaningful relationship. Is it risky? Heck Yes. Can your friendship be in jeopardy? Heck Yes. It works out well for some people, but not for others. Some people cannot handle that kind of relationship, especially (as stated by others) women. Men can fall victim to this as well, but it's not as common. BUT if you know your partner well enough the risks can be minimized. Sleeping over is not a bad idea. Yes, I told my fiance about that aspect of my sexual history. If you really love the person you will no matter what they have in their sexual past. A good candidate for a FWB relationship is a friend (a GOOD friend, someone you can trust) whom you would like to have sex with but have no interest in a monogamous relationship. Likewise, those feelings have to be reciprocated by your partner. I think this, like every relationship, needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis. I don't care if it's a one night stand or a 10 year relationship, you still should know who you're sleeping with.

  ~Peace

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