My husband and I have been going through a lot of rough patches for
the past few years.
It started with him seeming to forget about me by not talking to me
and spending quality time like we normally do. I had finally
gotten to the point where I had enough and found someone to give me
the attention that I was missing. Thus leading to a year long
affair. We eventually worked our way through this and started
trying to make things work. Shortly there after we had a lot of
outside influences telling us that we weren't working out and
that things weren't getting better. Which lead me to file for
divorce. After being apart for six months I started to realize
things that I should have realized before. Things that could have
been worked out and fixed. I had told him that I didn't want to
hear about work because it bored me, but if I had taken the time to
listen to him talk about it I would have understood that he was
really tired and that is why he wanted to sleep instead of spend
time with me. That the outside influences were just jealous that we
had worked through a lot of our issues. I have since canceled my
petition for divorce and he has not refiled. I am at a loss of how
to fix things with out him being back in our home with me to show
him that I have changed and want our family whole again. I am
listening to him and talking to him just about everyday and we have
been dating. We still say I love you to one another and kiss but
that is as far as it has gone. I am so afraid of getting hurt I
don't know if I am wasting my time because he acts like he
could care less if things get better. What do I do? I am lost with
out him, I miss him more than I thought I ever could or would. I
believe that we can fix this if we both try 110%. Should I continue
on with this or just let it go? Everyday seems to be a bigger
challenge but I am determined any insight on if this is the right
thing to do would be great.
User post: My Marriage, is it over?
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Posted by Wed Nov 11, 2009 1:58pm PST
Report Abusei think that you need to abide by what you promised the daay you got maarried but if for some reason he doesn't apply that then i think is best for you two to find happyness whether it is with each other or not.
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Posted by Wed Nov 11, 2009 2:10pm PST
Report AbuseSweet. When you filed that petition for divorce, you essentially put the nail on the coffin that is your marriage. He's not into it anymore. Time for you to move on. Let him find a woman who will give him what he needs and you should do the same for yourself.
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Posted by Wed Nov 11, 2009 3:13pm PST
Report AbuseI'd say that he is dating you, telling you he love you, and is kissing you are all good signs. If he wasn't interested in reconciling, he could just sleep with you for convenience and not bother with being romantic.
Have you asked him if he wants to completely reconcile? Is he aware that you had an affair? Does he really believe that you want to reconcile?
It sounds like he may still feel angry and hurt; have you two been to counseling together to resolve those feelings?
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Posted by Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:01am PST
Report AbuseI suggest seeing a marriage counselor if you can afford it, or a pastor if you can't and you don't mind seeing someone of a religious persuasion... and don't listen to people that don't see what happens behind closed doors. You sound like a person that needs quality time to feel loved... make sure he knows that and found out how he feels loved (ie, spending quality time with you, being touched, getting gifts (even small ones, just something to let him know you are thinking about him), words of affirmation from you or you doing things for him)...
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Posted by Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:04am PST
Report Abuseit is only over if that is what at lest one of you truly want but it must be hard for you and him and I think in some ways you make it harder dor him to many question to answer here .. but would love to talk to you about it ;o)
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Posted by Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:05am PST
Report AbuseYour marriage is not over when a person wants nothing to do with you they will say it and show it. I think that you think to much of yourself and not we (you and your husband) he is still your husband which is great !!!! Stop making negative assumptions about things instead of looking at the reality of the situation. Just ask your husband how he feels its simple and tell him how you feel open the doors of communicationfind your equal medium. You seem to have a great husband that loves you. Lean not on your own understanding a marriage is a bind by God, you wanted the divorce not him. Think great things, surround yourself with positve people and when the negative thoughts come and you doubt you marriage remember you are still married and don't ask for more than you are willing to give marriage is give and take not just one person. Its we and no longer me.... you have learned apply what you learned .. your words may hold no merit but actions speak louder than words..
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Posted by Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:19am PST
Report Abusemarriage is hard work no matter how long you been togeather, if you cannot see yourself without him then that is good sign that it is worth fighting for, next find out if he still have passion for you and the maariage and from there you work to bring it to togeather, i have have been where you are with far more issues to over come so pray and work at your marriage good luck and God bless you.
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Posted by Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:36am PST
Report Abuse#1 - tell the "outside influences to mind their own business".It is your marriage, not there's. While they are well meaning, this sort of negative input is harmful.(I'm speaking from experience here).
#2 - anything worth having is worth working hard for. So work hard.
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Posted by Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:39am PST
Report AbuseI think that ever not men like because we females go thrugh so much and your husband come home ever day at 3:30AM ever morning talking about he love you smiling like sex that tell you some he cheating and i think that ever disrespectful.
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Posted by Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:05am PST
Report AbuseAsk him where he sees this going. Tell him where you see this going (total reconcilliation). And you are right that things would probably be better if you lived together again. Invite him to come home. Whether he does or not is up to him and if he chooses not to yet, don't give up. Just take that to mean that he isn't quite ready, but still might in the near future.
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