Love + Sex

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

User Post: RULES THAT SHOULD BE BROKEN!

I’m normally the type of girl that sticks by the rules and always tries to be the good girl, but there are some rules that I personally do not agree with depending on the situation and my mother agrees with it as well.

So here is Situation A:

  Summarized background

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up not to long ago, when we were together I got along with the friends he introduce me to which so happened to be 2 couples. After he and I broke up I told them that if they did not want to be friends or socialize with me any further I would understand because they were friends with my ex a lot longer then they were with me (I also said the same thing to his mother as well because we got along well). They all replied stating that they still want to be friends and keep in touch because they see me as a good person and they care for me, etc. With all my other ex boyfriends I never did this because they were jerks and we just kept to ourselves, but with my last relationship it was/is different.  It was a mutual break up and my ex and I get along just fine (odd to say, because now I really understand the song Cool by Gwen Stefani). 

   The “Issue”:

One of my relatives thinks it is wrong for me to be friends with all of them.  Which I don’t understand why? I really don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. Friends are friends I told from the beginning their options so I don’t see a problem. As for what some of my relatives think, they believe I should stick by the rules and not speak to them unless I so happen to see them, etc. I personally disagree and see it as BS because if you get along and they still want be friends and you want to as well then the “rule” should be out the window.

Now here is Situation B:

  Summarized background

Another relative of mine broke up with her boyfriend without telling him they were broken up. She just pulled him along for the ride. (This relative is no longer living in the same state as I do.) Her boyfriend and I have been friends for as long as I have been single, and before she left she told him not to talk to me. He messaged me anyways just to say that she told him that he was told never to speak to me. But I told him that if he still wants to talk to me I don’t have a problem still being friends with him because I already know that kind of person he is. So we stayed friends.

  The “Issue”:

The same relatives that have the issue with me being friends with my ex and his/ our friends have an issue with me being friends with the other guy.   

My mother agrees with me and finds nothing wrong with me just being friends with them; I don’t see a problem with just being friends either.  As for my disagreeing relatives they just say I should stop talking to them and make my own friends. I do have still socialize with my friends from junior high school, high school and my last job, but I don’t see the problem. They say my problem is that I’m too nice, but I don’t see a problem with being friends with people that have been nothing but kind and respectful individuals. It’s not like I’m doing anything inappropriate with any of them.

(All in all I just ignore negative things that my disagreeing relatives tell me.)

{Thanks you for the comments so far. I seriously appreciate them :) }

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Comments 1-2 of 2
  • Deborah's Avatar
    Posted by Deborah Wed Oct 7, 2009 12:54pm PDT

    I think if you been with someone like I have for years,you should be able to trust that person in what he or she saids or does.I have been with same guys for years and,yes I still love him until this day i feel the same way for him and always will.But who am I to jugde other peoples problems with their family or someones love life. Deborah Mancha Laredo Texas 78046

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  • swt19dreams's Avatar
    Posted by swt19dreams Wed Oct 7, 2009 3:59pm PDT

    I have a very similar scenario play out several times. My boss introduced me to her brother who is my first boyfriend, and when we broke up there were no problems with my boss and her and I stayed great friends. His best friend still emails me from time to time and we're still good friends. My second boyfriend and I had been introduced by his cousin and one of my best friends. Once we broke up his cousin and I were still very close friends and have never faltered in that.

    When my next relationship ended (we'll call him Mitch), I was extremely close to a lot of his friends because I had moved to the area only a year before we met and so I didn't know anyone besides through him. Mitch and I lived together with a roommate who had been his friend first but it was my apartment so the roommate and I made it work and became very close. As for his other friends I did the same thing you did. I emailed/messaged them all and more or less said the same thing. Most of Mitch's friends were cool with us still talking, and those who weren't I never pressed the issue. Two of his friends in particular (Adam and Chris) were "concerned" about me and cared about me so we kept talking. Shortly afterwards when i started dating someone new Adam went AWOL on me and stopped talking all together. Chris still hung around but quickly made his intentions of hooking up with me known. I still talk to the old roommate and some of his friends but it worked out for me just fine aside from the two guys.

    Say heck with the relatives, stay friends with them because if they sincerely care about you then they are going to be good friends to keep around. As for your relatives, it's your life, not there's and be friends with whoever you want. I'm still close to the sister and one of my best friend's is the cousin.

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Comments 1-2 of 2

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