My wife and I have only been married for about 5 months and have
just recently bought a house. With that said, we have not had the
time or the money to go on a honeymoon, but an opportunity has
arisen for her to go to Miami with a sibling. I feel like
she's not thinking of anyone but herself and has not even
considered or doesn't care about the fact that we haven't
had any type of vacation together in who knows how long (we've
been together for several years). If I were to express this to her
there would be a huge argument (trust me, this is not an
assumption), because she would feel as though I was being selfish,
controlling and inconsiderate.
So what do you suggest Ido or say, or should I just say f*** it and
start making my own plans for my own vacation. (Note: I hate and
avoid being spiteful as much as possible. Two wrongs don't make
a right.)
User post: Who's being selfish and inconsiderate?
user
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 11:58am PDT
Report AbuseI think you should let her go and not worry about it too much, tell her to have a good time and be safe and you love her. She will love you more for that and brag to her sibling about how amazing and wonderful you are for letting her go without a fuss instead of going anyways and complaining about you. You can tell her that when she gets back you would like to plan some special time for just the two of you. Understanding will make your relationship blossom...
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:00pm PDT
Report AbuseScott C. Your wife has to remember that you're now married. And while it's healthy - and great - to be independent, she needs to take your plans/feelings into consideration before running off on her own. I've made this mistake before and it cost me my first marriage. Good luck!
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:03pm PDT
Report AbuseIs her sibling paying for the trip and invited your wife along as a guest? If so, there isn't anything you can say or do - your wife didn't make the plans, she got invited and wants to spend time with her sibling. Doesn't really sound like a huge plot to cut you out of vacation plans.
Save up money and take your wife on vacation but don't try and make her feel bad about wanting to spend time with family. Sorry, but you're coming across as the one who's being selfish.
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:04pm PDT
Report AbuseWhy can't you go too? I am sorry a trip to Miami I will take right now too!
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:05pm PDT
Report Abuseno you better not plan your own vacation because it will probably just start a whole other fight. Just explain to her you feel excluded and you guys havent even went on your honeymoon yet. She should stay home with you and try and work on it. you guys are married now, its a partnership. If she's going, she shouldn't leave you behind.
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:19pm PDT
Report AbuseLet her go, but let her know...do it in a humorous/loving suggesting way.
"Awww honey, she gets to spend some alone time with you??? Boy would I give anything to spend some alone time with you too! (BIG smile) Hehe...yada yada yada"
Make it sound cute, sweet and sincere. It doesn't always have a to be a Serious-Debbie-Downer kind of thing.
That way she won't feel in defense. And when she thinks of you and remembers your little quirky comment in Miami she's going to smile at how cute you are and start thinking that YOU should be with her in Miami...hint hint next vacation...
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:19pm PDT
Report AbuseIts defiantly something that should be discussed. Have you tried nicely talking to her about it in a non-confrontational way? I know I personally would be devastated if my sister invited me on a vacation and I was no able to go - regardless of my marital status.
You did mention that money is tight. If taking this trip will be an incredible financial burden on you both, she or both of you rather, should consider your priorities and weather or not this trip would come in the way of you two going somewhere together in the near future.
But ultimately, you need to both sit down and talk about this. With it being a new marriage there is a transition between "me" and "us", and patience is required.
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:21pm PDT
Report AbuseI would feel a little left out and disapointed myself. Especially if you just got married with no honeymoon. If you have been together for several years you should let her go only because you had enough time to go out. My husband and I just had our 1 year anniverasry. It's not easy watching you partner do something you want to do to. But if I were you I would want to know when my wife wanted to actually have a honeymoon with me. My husband and I like to head up to the mountians and stay for a weekend and its cheap.
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:27pm PDT
Report AbuseCan you go to? That would be nice!! But if my husband's going to plan a trip with out me or get invited without me. Darn it I.m planing my own trip to. Go out with the guys and have fun. Even when you married you need some time apart. Your going to be together for the rest of you life, you have so musch time to be together. You can spend time apart and not be cheating.
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 12:32pm PDT
Report AbuseGet over it. So she has an opportunity to go. Don't say it is about the money because that is just an excuse. You are mad and jealous and you need to grow up and let it go. If you want to go on a vacation with her plan one. It's not the woman's responsibility to do everything. If she hasn't planned one with you and you haven't planned one with her and there was nothing in the workks why is it her fault if this opportunity came up. Grow up. Don't start your marriage off being a BIG BABY!
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