Love + Sex

Thursday, December 10, 2009

User post: Why gay marriage shouldn't be banned

This is something I read today and was deeply moved by. Enjoy and discuss:

8 reasons I oppose Proposition 8 – by Rev. Molly Vetter, First United Methodist Church, San Diego

On our November ballot here in California, we will be asked whether we support a proposition that would remove the right of same-sex couples to enter into legal marriage. As a heterosexual, married, Christian woman, I oppose this proposition for many reasons. Whether you agree with me or not, I would be honored if you'd consider these 8 reasons why I'm voting against it. In my mind, any one of them is enough reason to vote against this proposal.


1. This is a matter of legal rights, not a referendum on how religious people should interpret marriage. As a part of a nation built on ideals like justice and equality, I see no reason to restrict the legal rights of people to enter into the marriage contract with one another. I would like to live in a California that affords rights, not one that adds clauses into its Constitution to deny them.


2. This proposition has nothing to do with the rights of homosexual people to have children. Regardless of marital status, gay and lesbian people are already raising children. I would contend that it does our society good to have children being raised by people who are married--that the commitments made in marriage tend to help create home environments that are more stable, especially because of the way the community beyond the couple understands what it means to be married. Allowing same-sex couples to continue to marry in California will give greater stability to families, not less.


3. Heterosexual marriage does not need protection from same-sex marriage. I do believe that heterosexual marriage needs work in our culture--too many marriages end in divorce. It is a challenge to succeed in marriage--I struggle with the difficulty of separation during deployment, with my own independence, and much more. My marriage is not, however, threatened by the marriages of same-gender couples.


I wonder what we believe we're protecting marriage from?


4. Our understanding of marriage, in the church and under the law, has been continuously evolving. I celebrate that, as a woman, I enjoy rights to choose my own spouse (as well as the right to choose not to have a spouse and still own property) that have not always been available to women--certainly not always in our biblical tradition. I also celebrate that marriage does not exist only for the purpose of having children. I give thanks for the love shared between couples that have chosen not to have children, and between couples that have been unable to have children. I delight in couples far beyond their child-bearing years who are able to marry. There is not an unchanged understanding of marriage stretching back through the Bible, nor through our nation's history. The Supreme Court's decision to extend the rights of marriage to same-sex couples is another change in this evolving history. There is no one "original" understanding of marriage that we can preserve.


5. I have been blessed and enriched by same-gendered couples. Both as domestic partners and as married couples, they have shown me what mutually-life-giving, committed relationships can look like. Often persevering through immense challenges, they have demonstrated how married couples can care for each other and strengthen one another. These couples have been a blessing to our communities, too. I welcome ways that we can do more to honor committed relationships and let them be an asset to our communities.


6. Opposing this proposition does not mean that clergy are required to perform same-sex marriages. As a pastor, I always have the right to refuse to marry a couple. Opposing the proposition does not compel churches to change their definitions of marriage. Already, many churches have requirements for marriage in that church--such as requiring both spouses to be members of the church. Churches can continue to define their own rules for marriage, even without this proposition.


7. This restriction of rights does not belong in our Constitution. In my mind, a Constitution exists to provide rights, not take them away.


8. I am bothered by the fear-inducing tactics used by supporters of Proposition 8. The Gospel of Jesus Christ demands that we move past our fears to dare to include more of the world in God's love. I refuse to be convinced to restrict legal rights to members of our community because I am afraid. I do believe that there is real evil in the world, and that this campaign is distracting us from work is necessary for God's kingdom. Over and over, Jesus commanded us to care for the poor. Never once did Jesus speak about same-sex marriage. Proponents of this initiative are asking us to be afraid of the wrong thing. We have a lot of work to do if we want to follow Christ's example of love for our neighbors. This Proposition will not help us in that work.

SEE ALSO:

Brangelina still won't marry until the gays can

Gay marriage OK in Connecticut

Hallmark supports gay marriage, right wing politicians do not

I need advice: How to deal with homophobes
Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 279
  • Cranberry Lips's Avatar
    Posted by Cranberry Lips Wed Oct 29, 2008 11:26am PDT

    Deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone and getting married is a right, not a privilege. Government should have no business deciding whom people marry. This includes all marriages, not just same-sex ones.

    I disagree with marriage licenses, too. Why does the government need to give me PERMISSION to marry my fiance??? Why do I have to sign a marriage contract between me, my spouse, and the government?

    It's total crap and that's why the government can take kids away from their parents so easily. The product of the marriage contract is children.... the government literally owns 1/3 of your kids and can decide what's best for them just as much as you, except they can deem you incompetent to care for them and take them away.

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  • Andygirl's Avatar
    Posted by Andygirl Wed Oct 29, 2008 11:47am PDT

    I totally agree, though I do think that many children are left in abusive homes while some parents lose their children over minor offenses. The system is highly flawed.

    Also, I hate that the goverment can so easily yank adoted children out of their adoptive parents' arms even three, four years later and give them back to their biological parents, even when "parental rights" were signed away. so, yes, I agree that the goverment is far too involved in our personal lives. But, that is a discussion for another day. :)

    You might be interested in the writings of political philosopher JS Mill: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/On-Liberty/John-Stuart-Mill/e/9780486421308/?itm=1

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  • mc2's Avatar
    Posted by mc2 Thu Oct 30, 2008 4:19pm PDT

    So well written! I LOVE point #3. I've often wondered how people construed that allowing same-sex marriages threatens my heterosexual marriage (of 13 years, thank you!). I also agree with point #2. There are many heterosexual people in relationships that are not loving, nurturing or caring, and should not bear children - but they get married and have kids anyway! And those children tend to repeat the cycle. I think a loving home is most important for children, whether it be a single parent, married couple, gay or straight!

    Vote NO on Prop 8 in CA, and NO on Prop 102 in AZ!

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  • MochaMama42's Avatar
    Posted by MochaMama42 Thu Oct 30, 2008 4:39pm PDT

    Very well written.

    If I lived in Cali, or AZ, I would definitely be voting NO with you!

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  • Monique's Avatar
    Posted by Monique Thu Oct 30, 2008 4:49pm PDT

    women dont cheat before men men make us do it

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  • __A_YAHOO_USER__'s Avatar
    Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Thu Oct 30, 2008 5:03pm PDT

    I'm a christian also. The bible is very clear about homosexuality, and nothing good is said about it by God. HE has made it clear that it's an abomination. It saddens me that some churches, (because they're afraid of backlash or being sued), that they cave in a "marry" these couples anyway. It gives Satan a huge jolt of pleasure to see how perverted our nation has become, and not just the level of homosexuality. It's infiltrated churches, schools, and many other institutions. It should never infiltrate the sacred bond that God has created by one man and one woman. I would not be able to call myself a christian if I allowed the lifestyle and celebrated it. However, I was taught to treat people as I would like to be treated. So I do. But that doesn't mean I have to accept their lifestyle. I say to each his own. But I will never vote FOR a same sex legal union.

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  • Casey Rose's Avatar
    Posted by Casey Rose Thu Oct 30, 2008 5:59pm PDT

    As an eight grader, in a small town in New Hampshire, I am begging to notice the opposite sex. But when it comes to other, I don't know how they feel. They may look at the same sex and wonder why they do. For some it must be hard if their parents do not agree with same sex unions. I know eight grades is an extremely young age to be wondering about marriage. I have a boyfriend, and it is nothing serious, but I have dreams about getting married with him and having a family (pathetic I know, but seriously). And for gays, not being able to have the union of marriage, something that represents love -(taking it to the next step in a relationship)- is hard because they do not have that same options as others. I am a non-practicing Christian; I lost my father at a young age (he was a very strict Christian). I know he would have not thought it was right to have same sex marriages, but he would have thought it was all right to speak freely. So however you vote about this matter, just know, your not letting someone marry someone they love.

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  • LydiaMarie's Avatar
    Posted by LydiaMarie Thu Oct 30, 2008 6:59pm PDT

    Our constitution states very clearly the SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. If your only argument against gay marriage is based upon the bible, you are imposing religious views onto our law books. But in terms of religion, does God not say "Judge not, lest you be judged?" And Jesus said, "Let he with out sin cast the first stone"? While you do not have to accept their lifestyle, Jesus tells us to accept and love our neighbors. People who are not religious get married all the time - so you can't call it a institution for only the religious, so how can you impose religious morals on it? And I think, above all else, marriage is about love. If your marriage means less because two men or two women in love got married, you marriage was worth very little to begin with. Wonderful article.

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  • Mr. Greenbacks's Avatar
    Posted by Mr. Greenbacks Thu Oct 30, 2008 7:00pm PDT

    OK, i am tierd of this C***! And, i may not be gay, but im proud to make this important point:

    What do you think god will frown on more:

    Them 4 lovin, or u 4 HATE'N!?!?!?!?!?

    think about it!

    and the fact that anti-gay laws are made on views of christanity, makes them illegal becuse of the first admendment!!!!

    that is all I wanted 2 stay 2 u all

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  • Bianca's Avatar
    Posted by Bianca Thu Oct 30, 2008 7:03pm PDT

    gay people r people also so why shuldnt they be able ta get married they r not infectin u at all as long as they r happy that is all that matters if u think diffrent then umust have sum self esteem issues

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