Various ways that Posturing (“Posing”) can lead to an abusive dysfunctional relationship.

I was considering writing an article, or Book Review rather, on The Rules II. But I’ve been procrastinating because other than listing specific examples, all I’d really be doing is reiterating the same basic dysfunctional concepts that I discussed in my review of The Rules. But in the book I’m currently reading, The Verbally Abusive Man by Patricia Evans, I recognized an interesting similarity between this book, The Rules, The Rules II, and one of Barbara De Angeles’s books that really caught my attention; POSTURING. (or “Posing” as I’ve called it before)

I can’t remember which of Barbara De Angeles’s books it was, but she mentioned how many people in long distance relationships are typically on their very best behavior during the times they’re together in person. In other words, they’re posturing the very best image of themselves in efforts of not spoiling the moment and to further secure the relationship. They’re basically presenting each other with a lie of who they really are. Long distance relationships typically fail because people get to see their partner’s true nature once they’ve moved in with each other and incompatibilities begin surfacing right away.

In The Rules and The Rules II, the authors regularly instruct their readers that it’s the man’s responsibility to pursue the woman. But when I’m dreaming up mental images of what this might look like, I see a strong similarity to the typical posturing behavior demonstrated between couples in long distance relationships.

For example; in The Rules II, the authors clearly state that a good man would borrow money from friends and relatives so that he could posture as a wealthier man as he’s trying to seduce a woman into marrying him. How THIS is supposed to lead to a successful marriage based on love, honesty, trust, compatibility, etc, is beyond me.

This book, The Verbally Abusive Man by Patricia Evans, that I’m currently reading explains how abusive men posture themselves as good men while they’re seducing their victims into marriage. And then once an abusive man has anchored his victim in her relationship with him, his behavior rapidly morphs into his abusive true nature.

To offer an example of how a man anchors a woman, Patricia Evans shares the experience of a seemingly happily married couple. Not long after they’re married, the man purchased a million dollar life insurance policy on himself as his anchoring device. His thoughts were; how could any sane woman ever leave a man who had a million dollar life insurance policy on himself? Once he presented this as a surprise to his wife, his behavior then immediately changed into his true abusive nature.

So the next time you find yourself attracted to someone who’s posturing, or “Posing”, really think it through because it’s quite unlikely that you’ll experience a truly healthy, happy and loving long-term relationship with them. Remember, our divorce rates are as horrible as they are for damn good reasons!

Wishing everyone a beautiful day!

Peace, Love and Harmony,,, Shawn