My boyfriend and I haven’t always been long-distance. There was a good long time before we were separated that we were attached at the hip, literally leaving parties to go home and talk to no one but each other. When he left to pursue his dream of being an optometrist, we agreed that I would follow when the time was right.
Well, despite my losing my job, the time has yet to feel right. I am anxious about making such a huge move without the security of a wedding date. Maybe it’s childish, maybe it’s psychological, but it just would feel better to me if I were moving to be with my husband-to-be instead of my boyfriend.
We were very much on the same page as far as wanting a winter wedding and not believing in a long engagement; we even talked about snowflake decorations and skipping a honeymoon in order to have Christmas with our parents. When he asked me to set aside the Saturday before Christmas this year for a “special date”, I started looking at wedding gowns and writing a first draft of my vows. I felt sure that my proposal was on its way.
So long story short, tonight he let the cat out of the bag – not that he’s getting down on one knee, but that he thinks he has a long, long time before he needs to actually buy a ring and ask me to marry him. Ladies, this is not the old red herring; he’s not throwing me off course so I don’t expect it on our big date in December. He totally has no intention of proposing until spring time.
Turns out that I not too long ago promised I would move this coming summer no matter what, and this simple gesture of love seems to have taken all the pressure off of him to propose. Suddenly, it’s no longer the only way he can get me to move and be with him, so engagement is no longer a priority. Now it’s just a matter of convincing me to move as soon as possible.
I know that I shot myself in the foot by making this promise. Now that I am out of a job, he sees no reason for my hesitancy to move right now. Yet the need for the security of a formal engagement really holds me back; what kind of a woman gives up her community, friends, apartment, and big-city dreams for some dude she’s dating? Isn’t it more understandable to move for a fiancé than a boyfriend?
Now, we’ve known almost since the very beginning that we would get married someday. Is it possible that a part of him considers us to be engaged already, and just lacking the public announcement of the fact? In that case, I could understand his lack of urgency. Yet I’m the one who has to make the big sacrifice to support his dreams; why should he hesitate to support my dream of a beautiful proposal story to tell through the generations?
