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Monday, December 14, 2009

We're Having an Emotional Affair -- Why Won't He Leave His Girlfriend for Me?

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Dear Em & Lo,

I am torn. I don't want to be a male poacher, however, "Bob," who is my coworker, and I have undeniable chemistry. We have never physically done anything -- nothing! He does say to me quite often that he wishes he and I were together. He has cooked for me, he is a vegetarian and he ate meat for me, but he says that he would feel guilty if he left his girlfriend of almost two years for me. Subsequently, we continue to have what I believe is an emotional affair. I really do care about him. I have confronted him and told him that what is happening is not fair to his girlfriend or myself, and since then, things have cooled. But I know he feels very strongly for me -- so why won't he dump her if he cares about me like he says?

--Borderline Male Poacher

Dear B.M.P.,

Ah yes, the emotional affair. As the polls on our site recently showed, both men and women agreed that it would be way worse if their partner had an emotional affair than if they had a one-night stand with someone they didn't really care about: 40% of men said the emotional affair would suck more, 14% said the one-night stand would be worse, and 35% said they'd suck equally.Amongst the women, 52% said the emotional affair would be worse, 3% said the one-night stand would be worse, and 42% said they'd suck equally.

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So what do these results tell us? Well, for one, Bob was being a really bad boyfriend -- in fact, as most of our readers would probably agree, Bob already cheated on his girlfriend by having an emotional affair with you. Which means that you have alreadybeen The Other Woman. Sorry to be the bearers of bad news.

In better news, Bob has decided to be a better boyfriend, and you need to support him in that decision. Monogamy can be a frail edifice at times, and it is good citizenship -- not to mention good karma -- to buttress it in times of need. If things have cooled, then let them be cool. In fact, we'd aim for icy. Bob knows your feelings, there's no need to reiterate them. If he wants to be with you, he'll dump his girlfriend. Until then, back off, sista! And if he never dumps his girlfriend, either (a) he obviously doesn't wish he was with you that badly, or (b) he's too spineless to dump his girlfriend to be with who he really likes -- i.e. seriously Bad Boyfriend Material.

Speaking of Bad Boyfriend Material, do you really want to be with someone who is so bad at commitment that he simultaneously has an emotional affair and breaks his vegetarian vows in one fell swoop? We didn't think so.

Goooooo monogamy!

Em & Lo

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 53
  • springtime's Avatar
    Posted by springtime Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:21am PDT

    "...he is a vegetarian and he ate meat for me...". Well then, he's not a vegetarian, is he? Why did he need to eat meat... what did that prove? He has not left his girlfriend because she is in his long term plans. You are not. You are short term. Accept that and move along.

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  • Jayme's Avatar
    Posted by Jayme Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:03am PDT

    Okay so i had sex with my ex last Friday and i ended up really hurting my other ex after he found out about it. It all is very confusing but i dated one guy, then we broke up then a long time after that i dated his best friend. The ex i had sex with Friday was my ex from awhile ago but we've become really good friends, and my recent ex (the best friend) is who i hurt when he found out. But my recent ex(the best friend) is the one who ended our relationship in the first place, witch was about a month ago, and he hurt me. I'm very confused and need some advice!

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  • vixenvena's Avatar
    Posted by vixenvena Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:10am PDT

    Bob is a dick. You're a w----. Barf on you both. I hope his girlfriend dumps his sorry cheating ass and you end up with a boyfriend who cheats on you equally as much.

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  • KIm's Avatar
    Posted by KIm Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:11am PDT

    Do you truly want to be with someone who does not value his current relationship? How would you feel if you and “Bob” were together and he were having an affair (emotional or otherwise) with another human being? So the question you should be asking is how you can move on from this.. not why he won’t leave his girl friend for you. The answer as to why he won’t leave her is really irrelevant at this point. He’s not leaving her and you are only making it harder for him by continuing this so called relationship. As the answer already said, if he truly wanted to leave her and be with you, he would have gone about it the right way. So now that he’s backing off, probably means that he’s seen the error of his ways and moved on and away from you. You need to do the same.

    Good luck to you.

    -Married gal of 3 years and counting!

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  • SexyLady25's Avatar
    Posted by SexyLady25 Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:23am PDT

    Ok.... He's very slick and you're too stupid to realize that he's gaming you. He's having fun with you, you idiot. lol He's not a vegetarian...How old are you, anyway? He's not going to leave his girlfriend for you. Deal with it! You're acting like a desperate skank who can't seem to find a single man. I know females like you.... You have low self esteem and you're too lazy to go out and find your own man. So when an involved man hits on you, you can't seem to ignore his trifling a$$... I hope his girlfriend finds out about your ridiculous "emotional affair", dump him and kicks your skanky a$$..... The End.......

    Oh and SideBar... Jaymeeboo... You're a wh*re...lol.. I read your comment and became so disgusted... You need to close your legs to the world... Thank you.

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  • Sophia Marie's Avatar
    Posted by Sophia Marie Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:44am PDT

    He doesn't want to leave because he wants her.

    Report Abuse
  • Carrie's Avatar
    Posted by Carrie Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:52am PDT

    He ate meat for me, how romantic. Grow up and work on yourself a little because right now you suck a little at being a person.

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  • Kadensmommy's Avatar
    Posted by Kadensmommy Mon Sep 21, 2009 12:33pm PDT

    come on now, all these people are right. The fact that you are asking why won't he leave his girlfriend for me, is a huge red flag. You need to go work on your self esteem. Any girl that has an emotional or physical affair with a man in a relationship already, is laking self-esteem. I'd also like to add that you my need to work on your character. Cause, its insane that you would put yourself in the position to be "the other women." Stop putting yourself into situtations that will only cause you pain, start focusing on what how you are infact a good person, and that you deserve better.

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  • Elissa's Avatar
    Posted by Elissa Mon Sep 21, 2009 12:37pm PDT

    make him your sugar daddy!

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  • fashionkat22's Avatar
    Posted by fashionkat22 Mon Sep 21, 2009 12:38pm PDT

    mistress (even if its just an emotional one) becoming the girlfriend only leaves the mistress postion open again...IF he were to leave the girlfriend for you(which it really doesn't seem like he will), why would you even want to risk him cheating on you-because he will...its who he is.

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Comments 1-10 of 53

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