What do you think?

The first time that I fell in love in my life was sometime in March. I fell hard for a 28 year old man, I was 19, so despite our almost ten year age difference I knew that what we had was real. My mother didn't approve which is understandable since she is my mom and the last thing she wants is for me to be taken advantage of. But our relationship was so perfect, he treated me like a queen and he was my king. If I had a prolem I could go and talk to him about it no matter what time it was he was always there for me. So in April we took our relationship that was a secret to almost everyone, to the next level. He was my first love and my first sexual encounter. I knew that what we did was right I always pictured my first time would be with someone that I loved and it was. But here's where the story turns cold.

He never went a day without seeing me everyday and every night we saw each other he would send me sweet text messages every morning telling me," Good Morning Beautiful" and things of that nature. I always cherished every moment we had together. I always put a smile on his face. And then one fateful night he was taken away from me in the blink of an eye. He was killed in a car accident. I was the last person that he talked to before he was killed and he told me how much he wanted to be with me, how he wanted to hold me close to him so I could lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. And one of the sweetest things was taken from me, his heartbeat. I shut down and became numb after that. What do you do when the person that you loved the most gets taken away from you so suddenly?

It still bothers me that he's gone but there is another missing link to this story and that would be My first love's identical twin brother. Not only did I have to deal with my love being gone but now I had to see his twin everyday. But the crazy thing about this is that this twin also has a thing for me! He comforted me and I comforted him. We even went to his brother's grave site together. And then something happened something so familiar it felt like I had done it before. He held me close to him and I rested my head on his chest. Then he looked at me like I was the only person that mattered at that moment. Maybe seeking comfort in the twin of my first love wasn't the right idea especially considering when happened next between us. Needless to say one thing lead to another and I ended up feeling worse than I did before. I felt guilty, like I had betrayed my love. I know that he is dead and gone and he's never coming back but that doesn't justify what I...what we did. Should this be blamed on grief? Or is it because of all of the similarities that the twins share that caused this to happen?