What drives a woman to sleep with another woman's man?

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  Posted by Cavetroll Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:12pm PDT

  What drives a woman to sleep with another woman's man? The same thing that drives her to sleep with her own man, boredom, inattention, and inability to discuss anything "Oprah".

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  Posted by *_Princess_* Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:13pm PDT

  Hmm....I wonder myself. I was in the exact same position and I never figured it out. I thought to myself....Is it the challenge? Or did he truly have feelings for me? All these questons still get me. He was and still is married. But we just can't seem to let go of each other. He made me feel special, wanted and loved. I asked myself..do I have/give him something his wife doesn't? Isn't that usually how it works? If they do not get it at home they go elsewhere? I just don't know. Till this day we still talk but not so much the physical thing. I know we are still very much attracted to each other but I don't want to be the one hurting in the end......

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  Posted by Mysterious Gryphon Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:28pm PDT

  The only time I've ever been "the other woman" was without knowing. I dated a guy fifteen years my senior when I was on study-abroad back in college. We were both in a country not our own, and I suppose we both supposed the ordinary rules didn't apply. He didn't mention he had a wife and kids, and I never asked - until our last date, before he had to fly home. He showed me pics of the kids from his wallet, and then left my life forever.

  I can't imagine wanting to be with someone who was already attached. I felt guilty for ages after that brief affair. I suppose that most women crave that feeling of superiority over the "first wife" that you described, and that the threat of "getting caught" is alluring. In some cultures (I jsut read about it in China) snagging a married man is a status-symbol, both in that he can afford two families and that the second wife (referred to as a "concubine") was so wonderful he couldn't pass her up.

  Yet I think, too, that some people like the thrill of the chase more than the stability of a relationship. For some women, it's all about knowing that she can have the guy if she wants him, and that she owes him nothing when she's got him.

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  Posted by N2LawGirl Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:56pm PDT

  I think it takes 2 to tango -- I think the both of them are triflin' and have very low self-esteem issues.

  If a man is cheating, leave and get yourself tested!!!

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  Posted by Meangirl Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:14pm PDT

  I am the other woman and I am so because I fell in love with a man that was my best friend and he fell in love with me. I have never enjoyed the thrill of getting caught and never thought I must be better than her to get him...we just absolutely became emotionally involved to a point that it crossed to an emotional and physical affair. Two years later we are still in love and having an affair and his wife has been aware of this more than once and they have just recently began to separate. In my ideal world our timing would have been right and we would not have both of our families suffer the situation, or that we could have handled this in a way that an affair didn't happen but rather divorce first...but all is said and done and it's about love, not about the thrill and excitement.

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  Posted by Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:18pm PDT

  I also wonder my self what atracks us to men who are married, I have been seeing this man for two years now we go and have coffee sometimes we meet for drinks our go to a park or the beach to sit and talk I have fallen in love wit him he makes me feel so special like I am this perfect woman, when I met him he had his weeding band on did not hide that he was married but I still went out with him, we are now very good friends I was the one going to end up hurt....in the two years that I have known him we never had sex,,,,,he really loved his wife but loved me as well it is weird yes I know....

  So again I have met another married guy he is much younger then I we have so much in common...I think it is that I don'y have to be in a relationship or be committed to anyone he goes home to his wife and I come home with no drama....

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  Posted by Nicanoonan Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:38pm PDT

  I fell in love with married man because I found him attractive, fun, a great lover and wonderful. I was with a boyfriend but things were winding down on our relationship. The right person at the wrong time maybe? Oh, well. There were a couple guys who were hot on my tail, but they weren't for me. I even had one guy who introduced me to my current man who had the gall to tell everyone we both knew that we were a couple. I can thank him for introducing me to a real man even though he drew an attitude and became jealous though he had no right to do so. Seems like some guys talk to you and feel they have rights to you. But I got a great man and I enjoy my time with him now. He will have to make a choice if he wants to leave his marriage at some point, but that's then and I have a great man now and am happy for every moment I spend with him!

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  Posted by LauraH Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:45pm PDT

  It makes me wonder too. My last two boyfriends were extremely good looking and I've found that women are way worse than men in pursuing men whether they are taken or not. I've had women flat out hand her phone number to my boyfriend right in front of me--while we were standing there holding hands! I don't know if it's the allure of having something that someone else has or just sheer desperation to be in a relationship, so they figure they will go after the ones that "can" commit to a relationship. I'm not saying that men are totally blameless or don't "will" for it to happen but I actually trust my current boyfriend, I just don't trust the women around him.

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  Posted by mizz passionate Tue Jun 17, 2008 3:32pm PDT

  some do it 2 get what they want out of the lil fling they have. either its the sex, money, or mayb she's really falling for him ..tell u the truth the majority i meet who did and is still goin at it jus wana be spiteful,scummy,promiscuoius and jus plain slutty... nah das my 5cents..

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  Posted by QT4U Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:09pm PDT

  They stay with these men because they believe the crap he feeds them about how his wife ignores him or does not want to have sex with him, or that his marriage is on the rocks. Then he goes home and sleeps with his loving, caring, devoted wife, and has great sex because he is turned on by the fact that he can have his cake and eat it too. The only reason men get away with this BS is because weak, lonely, pathetic women allow them to use them and take advantage of having what they want, when they want it! It REALLY makes me SICK!!!

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