What is so strange about being in a committed relationship when you're young?

From the Community…

• 
  Posted by HEATHER Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:23pm PDT

  wow exactly!

  my boyfriend and i started dating when i was 17 and he was 18, now we are 19 and 20!

  we have never been told anything about our relationship in terms of we should be "living it up", but i know many have, and i've always wondered the same thing myself.

  sure, you may not learn as much as someone who doesn't get into a serious relationship until their 20's. sure, you may not date many people at a time, though some people don't want this!

  but two people who found each other at a younger age, should not be looked down upon and have people thinking they wont last. my boyfriend and i have grown up a lot together, and sure, we probably have much in store ahead of time, but we plan to go through it together. we've been in an apartment for almost a year and are getting a house towards the end of this year.

  i have always wondered the same thing as you.

  people who are in commited relationships at younger ages, like myself, are actually very lucky to have found their true love earlier in life, the more time you get to spend with them!

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Kari Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:33pm PDT

  Try not to interpret "living it up" as dating many people-- think of it rather as getting to know lots of different kinds of people and you don't have to date them. People who define "living it up" as meeting people at bars and going/taking them home have a different kind of agenda--no commitment. I have not heard of many relationships in which people have met at a bar found their life long partner and that they are happily together (not to say this isn't possible, but there are better ways of finding relationships that last and aren't based on getting wasted).

  People commit to relationships when they are ready and if you think that you are ready to commit to a person for the rest of your life then what others say will not matter to you. It is about timing when it comes to relationships and the reason many people say "live it up while you are young" is because you have the opportunity to be exposed to so many situations and you can meet so many interesting people that you may find that you just are comfortable enough being single and may find that you change over time as you stay with one person and your interests may change. Resentment hurts relationships and if you don't feel that you have done all that you have wanted to, it will eat you alive.

  It is important that you achieve what you want out of your life and that's okay if you don't know what that is yet--but it is important to know that no one person can identify who you are and that is the mistake that many people in their college years make. We all have to learn and figure things out, so don't get frustrated.

  It will happen naturally when you are ready. Don't force it!

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by mslexy Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:25pm PDT

  I heard this a lot when I was younger and I tell it to other ppl younger than me who I feel have been sheltered like I have been. Like hotsaas said, we don't mean get wild and have lots of one night stands, please don't do that. But do mingle and meet different kinds of ppl and see how different cultures live. Sometimes when your in a committed relationship you set all these boundaries and rules and when you keep those rules and only stick to yourself and your partner you don't really give yourself a chance to see if you are getting what you wnat and are worth. Some ppl have dated for so long that they forget to take care of themselves bc they are so use to the "us," and sometimes you can hinder your own personal growth this way.

  So the next time someone tells you this just take it as advice from someone who probably wish they took that same advice when they were younger. And ask yourself have you done, seen and lived enough? Do you know what you want out of life just besides being in that particular relationship? Are you being treated fairly and up to your standards? Is there anything that you want to do but feel your partner may not want you to or may hold you back from doing it? Do you have a voice in your relationship? If you are satisfied with these questions then you're doing something right. And I'm sure there are even more questions to add to this. But usually ppl say that bc they care and are only trying to look out for you.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Jimi Fri Apr 17, 2009 1:52pm PDT

  Being with one person your whole life is among the most beautiful and fulfilling things you can do in this life. Try to go through a trial period, though, with some relationship and premarital counseling, mainly so you can be sure you're making a mature decision and that your relationship is strong enough for you to wait. You can still meet and learn about other cultures and people.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by maria Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:49pm PDT

  I have definitely been told that I was too young, I was 18 at the time and I agree with them now. Now I don't think that 18 is too young to start being in a committed relationship, sometimes two people are just meant to be together. But it was not the end of the world when we broke up 3 years later. The main reason why people would tell me I was too young was because the relationship wasn't healthy. Not only that but thinking about forever when I had just begun to live my life would have been a mistake. The person I am today is drastically different form the person I was when I was 21. I learned to mature a lot between the ages 21-25. This of course is not how it is for everyone, but what I thought I wanted was not what I really wanted. Who knows I am still growing, and maybe a few years later I'll change again. The thing I did learn was that love is just not enough. It takes a great deal more than love for a relationship to work. It takes a lot of work too.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Kelvin J Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:28pm PDT

  They aren't tellin you to "live it up" by going out and sleeping with many people. They mean go out and meet people so that you can grow. At 18 you are not you no matter how much you think you are independent. Anyone 25 will tell you they are a much different person than they were at 18. Anyone 30 will tell you they are a much different person than they were at 25. Everyone at 40 will tell you how stupid they were at 18.

  The hardest part about relationships is growing together. Every other problem about finance, children, religion blah blah can be rectifeid if people are truly in love. However if people don't grow together they aren't going to work. And being together sure as hell doesn't guarantee that you guys will grow together. So the people asking you to not take this relationship so serious are simply telling you to take a step back and grow into the person you are going to be, before making the mistake of staying the person you are. You both may not be satisfied with each other when you have finally matured.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by another hockey fan Sat Apr 18, 2009 4:15pm PDT

  It all depends upon the couple. My husband's two sons have been with their girlfriends for five years and they are 23 and 21. I have no problem with a young mature couple (ie no drama beyond the normal things, physical/mental/substance abuse etc) being in a committed relationship. You can always learn and grow with another person. It's when young people want to get married I get concerned. Marriage is supposed to be for life. I think when you are 18-27 someone you commit to for life is a HUGE step. I think that step should be reserved for when you have experienced more of life (not necessarily other people) in general.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by CaterinaC Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:56pm PDT

  Age is only a number... A number of wisdom... The older you are, the more trials and tribulations You have experianced, even suffered. So, who's to say, Young people, havent been to hell and back? Perhaps, the younger you are the wiser you've become. I'm forty two and have found my dream man. He's twenty five. Younger men perfer older women...

  People come into your life for a reason,a season, or a lifetime.When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically,emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimesthey act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

  The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

  Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, or grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a SEASON.

  LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Mark Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:30am PDT

  Don't let anyone tell you were a relationship should go and how to act. I met my wife in High School and we dated through college. We got married after college and had 19 years of great until she lost her battle with cancer. No one knows when they will find the one but when its right it is right and you both will know.

  Report Abuse