Love + Sex

Monday, December 14, 2009

What Makes Someone "Dating Material"?

Celine Dion Move

http://backtorockville.typepad.com/back_to_rockville/2009/01/review-celine-dion.html

Due to my lack of networking with women, I've painted myself as "non-dating" material. I didn't think anything made one guy more "dateable" than another. I figured there was someone out there for everyone, and I'd just keep acting like myself until I found someone I meshed with.

In my opinion, the best chance to meet someone is through a friend. In all of my friendship circles, I've been labeled as "undateable". So, now I'm trying to figure out just what dating material is.

I'm "undateable" because:

I Like To Be The Center of Attention

When we are out, I tend to dominate conversation and tell outlandish stories. I'm not rude about it, but it certainly alters the dynamic of groups and couples. That person at the center of attention can be intimidating or they put off those women who like to be the center of attention. By dominating the conversation I appear to be a bad listener.

I'm Too Spastic

Sense of humor is supposed to be attractive, but apparently some of my brands of humor don't cut it. I love to dance...but I can't dance. Uncorking the River Dance, or a late 80's rap move doesn't get me anywhere. Also, I employ semi-gay "summoning power from the Heavens" Celine-Dion-like hand gestures.
MLR

http://katrinawampler.wordpress.com/2008/12/

When I've had a little too much to drink, I take to "free styling" inanimate objects in the street by approaching those objects and ad-libbing a feminine gymnastic move off of them. I'm also very loud when telling jokes and stories.

You Know All About Me In The First Five Minutes

Within the first five minutes of meeting me, you most likely know one or all of the following: I once was afraid I had crabs (I swear I didn't have them), my GPA at University of Delaware was 2.3, I'm bad with finances, I'm lazy, I don't like responsibility, I have cats, etc. It's not only TMI, it's WKI (the Wrong Kind of Information). The information I share may be entertaining, but I should save it for later when I've already established that I'm semi-normal. TMI/WKI strips me of my mystery.

I've Been Single For A Long Time

You know how people brag about their work experience: "been in the business for twenty years"? You think, wow that person must be great at what they do. They were born to be in that business. Well, I've been single for a long, long time. Women in our friendship circle must think: "he was born to be single"...and "he must have been single ever since I've known him for a reason".

I'm lacking "maturity" and/or "mystery". These are two things women look for in a guy, and I don't have them-and I'm not even doing a good job faking it. This explains why I try for younger women, but even younger women think I'm immature at times.

My friends tell me that I should treat every girl as if she's a dating possibility. According to my "He Went to Jared" theory, women love to talk to one another about their boyfriends. I doubt many women would want to go to their friends and say:

"My boyfriend is so cute-he river-dances and tells bathroom humor jokes. Then, on our way home, he bounces off trashcans and mailboxes like Mary Lou Retton."

I suppose this is like professional networking: I shouldn't burn any bridges. I'd never get a job if I was perceived as a freak by an entire job industry based on my behavior at industry events and previous employers. But being a freak is fun, so I'm not quite sure what the solution is.

My friend Margaret told me to employ her mom's advice to make sure I apply the charm to every girl I meet, including "just friends", and women I'm not attracted to:

"Be nice to the short guys because they have tall friends."

What makes a guy more "dateable" or "undateable" to you? What do you think my biggest issues are and how should I adjust to become a "dateable" guy? Is it possible to change opinion once I've been marked as "undateable?"

Please follow my Twitter: twitter.com/richravens


Posted by Rich


Related from Marie Claire:

How to Spot Your Soul Mate
Diary of a Hook Up From heck
5 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Relationship
50 Cheap Date Ideas
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From the Community…

Comments 11-20 of 32
  • Blueface_20's Avatar
    Posted by Blueface_20 Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:13am PDT

    dating is for weak men. the alcohol in my shot glass is more important than any woman will ever be to me. :)

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  • Blood's Avatar
    Posted by Blood Tue Jun 9, 2009 9:45am PDT

    Why are you considered undateable? My advice is just to b yourself. If their right for you then they will learn to deal with your personality. You don't sound undateable. Most guys get advice to act mature, being mature sometimes helps(like at work or for a job interview) but besides that its good to just b yourself. I bet there's tons of women who act like you sometimes. They may not admit it but they probably do. Liking to be the center of attention is fine. Certain people may be turned off about it but there the type not right for you. If you act like something your not them if u get in a relationship with people, and act how you normally act, they may discover a trait in you they didn't know and might not like. So just b yourself and the right women for you will come along. And when they do you'll be glad you didn't change.

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  • the planner's Avatar
    Posted by the planner Tue Jun 9, 2009 12:09pm PDT

    You enjoy being the center of attention..so do little kids! First flaw.You want to do things that appear to show a wild side but you want to do them alone..who cares then? What woman wants a child BF to raise to manhood? You dominate the conversation with all your ME stuff and you wonder why your not dating material? So basically, your a braggert with no intentions of a relationship, you just want someone to think your cool and for what reasons, does the word EGO mean anything? Duh!!! If half of what you say about yourself is true, I pity the woman that thinks you are dateable by any stretch of the imagination. You first need to become a better follower before your ready to lead anyone anywhere.

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  • Carly's Avatar
    Posted by Carly Tue Jun 9, 2009 12:17pm PDT

    Well first you should jump on a plane and come to Kansas City!! Just be yourself, and avoid being fake. If you try to hard its a turn off. I personaly like a guy who is kind of a freak. What is normal anyway right? So let that freak flag fly, and come to Kansas City, you will find a lot of women that like you for who you are.

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  • Alexandra's Avatar
    Posted by Alexandra Tue Jun 9, 2009 1:37pm PDT

    Maybe you just haven't met the right freak...I mean girl...yet.

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  • Brittany's Avatar
    Posted by Brittany Tue Jun 9, 2009 2:57pm PDT

    It's better to be a freak than normal most of the time anyway....You have a personality which most men don't have and that's wonderful, as for being mature your doing a lot better than most men out then :) You'll find a girl who's for you just remember to keep your eyes open and when you stop looking she'll be right there :)

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  • Kelsey's Avatar
    Posted by Kelsey Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:07am PDT

    if you change yourself to find someone, then you will end up with a woman you resent and who doesn't like you for who you really are. but this is coming from a fellow WKI-er, and girl that had dated someone that discussed testicles (not their own, but still) on a first date.

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  • Perry's Avatar
    Posted by Perry Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:38am PDT

    Wow. You have no idea what attracts women. And unfortunately, even women have no idea what attracts them. But the good news is manhood101.com has a lot of free information in this regard for men who want to find out the answers to dating but don't want to join some stupid pickup site or pay $2000 for some ridiculous bootcamp. I would suggest reading their article which talks about "Is the Nice Guy really nice?" (I think it's labeled "FEM III").. You would really get a lot of insight into your problem. cheers!

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  • Devyn B's Avatar
    Posted by Devyn B Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:40am PDT

    I think your looking for wrong type of girl you sound just like my husband:-) And I love it!!! I may roll my eye's when he jumps over parking meters and cat calls men pretending to be gay ( i'm not slamming just saying) but I know him from the inside and he is all good in there. Some women look to much of what your doing outside to get to know you inside. I met mine at a bar and he was dancing with a bunch of his guy friends to an older 90's rap song run DMC or something and they were pretending to dance with eachother like they were a girl and a guy. I thought he was adorable and I was sunk. Keep doing what your doing you will find someone who appriciates you for who you are:-)

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  • Devyn B's Avatar
    Posted by Devyn B Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:42am PDT

    Manners are nice....but don't over do it:-) I like opening my own car door i'm not an invalid ;-) GOOD LUCK

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