Love + Sex

Thursday, November 26, 2009

When Facebook turns fatal

On March 2, 26-year-old Hayley Jones changed her Facebook status from "married" to "single." Ten days later, the mother of four and longtime girlfriend of 31-year-old Brian Lewis, was dead.

Murdered in her UK home and found by her children, aged 3 to 10, Jones had been spending more time online as her relationship of 13 years unraveled.

"Hayley started to expand her social life and was spending a lot of time on internet sites, in particular Facebook," prosecutor Mark Evans told the court, according to the BBC.

Jones and her boyfriend referred to themselves as married, but the prosecutor argued that she had made it clear to the boyfriend that their relationship was over. Although she reportedly kept her Facebook activity private, Lewis told friends that he would not lose her to another man.

Court reports offer differing arguments about why the couple's relationship was ending. One rationale is that Lewis lost his job, placing financial strain on the family. The other is that Jones was spending too much time online.

"Lewis told police the only tension between him and Hayley was the use of the home computer," the prosecutor told the court.

Lewis allegedly stabbed Jones with a kitchen knife while she was sleeping. Lewis reportedly called police but fled before they arrived at the scene. In the interim, Lewis and Jones' children discovered their mother's body. Jones' was fatally wounded through three layers of clothing and two bags that covered her.

Lewis later turned himself into authorities but now denies that he killed his girlfriend.

While the trial continues and the life of a young mother is mourned, it is worth noting how violence within relationships seeps into all aspects of daily living. While abuse between partners often only occurs behind closed doors, it is common for work, friendships, family, church, and other parts of a victim's life to be brought in to play to attempt to justify the violence. In a 2.0 world, it was sadly only a matter of time before social network sites and status updates would be pulled in to rationalize horrific acts such as this one.

I wonder if and how we can protect people who are at risk for abuse -- or even murder -- by their partners while they are online. Although virtual friendships and support networks can greatly impact our health and well-being, I wonder if it is even possible to prevent abusers from infiltrating sites that make us feel like we are surrounded by friends.

This isn't the first time a Facebook status update has spurred a murder.
And as much as I hate to say it, I can't imagine it will be the last.

What do you think we can do to protect ourselves and our own social network tribe from being the victim of a crime like this?

Have you ever felt unsafe about publishing your relationship status online?




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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 192
  • Laurel's Avatar
    Posted by Laurel Tue Sep 1, 2009 2:05pm PDT

    This is so tragic!

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  • Sweet T's Avatar
    Posted by Sweet T Tue Sep 1, 2009 2:11pm PDT

    I don't have a relationship status on Facebook. It's no one's business what my relationship status is. I'm not on FB to find a man, and if I need to explain that I'm not available to anyone, I'll do it on an individual basis. And truthfully, all you have to do is look at my page, see the pics, and know that I'm taken. Plus, if anyone who I didn't really want to know my business tried to be may FB friend, I'd deny them. Not sure what can be done to prevent this kind of heinous crime, but I'm keeping my fate in my own hands by keeping my truly private life private.

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  • Sweet T's Avatar
    Posted by Sweet T Tue Sep 1, 2009 2:41pm PDT

    I am typo queen lately...

    ..."tried to be MY FB friend,..."

    Report Abuse
  • None's Avatar
    Posted by None Tue Sep 1, 2009 2:55pm PDT

    Theres real weirdos out there man, here is what I posted before:

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  • None's Avatar
    Posted by None Tue Sep 1, 2009 2:58pm PDT

    Honestly, the more I hear horror stories, people dating online are either desperate freaks or real creeps, man, this girl I work with she has spoken to this dude for ONE DAY, he is already flying out from Puerto Rico, he is rich, supposedly, lived in Miami, and has a family business, and is flying over to meet her after one day? WTF? She made it clear that she is not going 2 sleep wtih him, and he said he isn't looking for that, but what kind of RICH, HOT, SINGLE guy would fly across country to meet someone who is not remotely a babe and has a kid? Her other encounter the guy came from SC to have sex with her, she denied him, but guys really? Are you kidding me? You can't find a hooker in your home town or some easy trick, you would spend money and time for sex? Are you guys that obsessed with it? There is no other motive, it does not make sense. I am just beyond confused.

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  • Jennifer's Avatar
    Posted by Jennifer Tue Sep 1, 2009 3:27pm PDT

    I dont really think facebook is the issue. Its just another way for an already obessive spouse or an abuser to get mad about things. The guy would have done this eventually facebook or no facebook.

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  • JEM531's Avatar
    Posted by JEM531 Tue Sep 1, 2009 4:01pm PDT

    This is tragic....but Facebook is not to blame, it's just a bad relationship that ended in the very worst way. And in response to 'None'...it's ridiculous to say that "people dating online are either desperate freaks or real creeps". Yes, there are creeps out there....but a lot of my friends, and even I, have tried online dating. I know multiple couples who have met on sites like match.com. There's just as many creeps at the bar as there are on online dating sites.

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  • Ryan B's Avatar
    Posted by Ryan B Tue Sep 1, 2009 4:12pm PDT

    I'd just be like, "Hey! Why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman...and making me dance for you...while you smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed!"

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  • Danielle's Avatar
    Posted by Danielle Tue Sep 1, 2009 6:50pm PDT

    thats so sad.. thats why no one should go on eharmy or match.com they can hook u up with a raper.

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  • Parveneh's Avatar
    Posted by Parveneh Tue Sep 1, 2009 7:05pm PDT

    What is the point of this article? Are you trying to address violent relationships or trying to drum up some fear mongering about Facebook usage? As Jennifer stated above, Facebook is not the issue. If you're mentally wired to think that it is OKAY for you to stab your significant other to death for ANYTHING he/she does, there's probably not much anyone can do to stop it short of having the person arrested and jailed forever! As this couple's relationship unraveled, the man, Lewis, would have killed her for any other reason. "Oh, she's out with another man, I'm going to kill her." "Oh, she started working out to look better for another man, I'm going to kill her." See the pattern?

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