I am talking to ten women, the youngest is 26 and the oldest, 66.
We are talking about something researchers call the "sexual peak" - you know, that moment in your life when you
feel as if your love emanates from you. You're
vibrating with it.
The 44-year old woman says she's reached hers
just now. Sexually active throughout her 20s but not emotionally
secure till now, feels she's scaled a kind of
developmental Mt. Everest - brimming with
sexual energy, with a lover who loves her and can handle it; no
small children to interrupt. And yet, she says, nothing marks her
arrival at this sexual summit! Where, she wonders, are the
perfectly simultaneous orgasms? The mini-explosions in some
as-yet-unawakened region of her lower body? The gold star to
celebrate her triumphant appearance at the pinnacle of her
sexuality?
And there's the rub: The term "sexual peak" is anxiety-provoking
and always will be. Researchers find that males have their greatest
number of orgasms in adolescence and their early 20s, while females
have theirs between their mid-20s and mid-40s. And that young
men's orgasms are closer together than older
men's. But their findings are a numbers game, an
orgasm totaling, not anything loftier or deeper.
When collecting statistics about a young man, for example, every
orgasm he has is counted in - it
doesn't matter whether it occurs as a result of
masturbation, nocturnal emission or intercourse. Does the data
include whether he had a good time? No. Whether he liked or loved
his partner (if he had one)? Whether he learned anything about
love? Whether he was stoned? Nope.
So we're not talking profundity here, nor
prowess, nor passion - just plain physiology.
The word "joy" isn't in this picture. (heck, the
word "partner" isn't either.) The kind of peak I
want includes connection and closeness; it's
qualitative, not quantitative. It's got a
partner. It's an erotic peak, not just a sexual
one.
What's most relevant to an erotic peak?
"Confidence," say the older women. Comfort in your body and with
your partner (as opposed to the momentary great sex you had with an
army corporal who scared you; who didn't even
like you). A dropping of old defenses (from "I'm
fat" to "I don't believe in fantasizing, or in
sex toys" or whatever). A feeling of being in it together (whether
the "it" is sexual experimentation alone, or your whole life - that sense of following the same narrative,
being in the same story); understanding how powerful your bodies
are at any age in the service of your mutual pleasure. As the
oldest woman in the group, the 66-year-old said, "I have it in me
to reach the heights. My partner and I fine-tune slowly, patiently,
with the knowledge that we both have the goods."
The erotic peak is not about winning that gold star;
it's about knowing you don't
have to - that erotic love goes on and on and on ...
TLG
When is a woman's sexual peak?
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 1:20pm PDT
Report AbuseI just turned 37. I have hit my sexual peak. I'm in my so called, "prime of my life!" Sex is so much stronger, intense and I'm so much more lubricated now than ever. My Mom said she hit hers when she was 33. SEX IS BETTER NOW, than it was in my 20's.
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 1:33pm PDT
Report AbuseI am a 40 yr old male and believe having sex with someone in my age range is much better than younger women.
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 1:59pm PDT
Report AbuseI am 24 and by no means at my peak. I am at a point where sex is meaningless because I am not in a committed relationship and do not have that sexual connection to my most recent partner. I can see how as a woman matured IT gets better. I look forward to that time.
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 2:30pm PDT
Report Abuseim 35 and i hit my peak at 29 ,it's been very explosive and full of colors for me and my partner. im at the point were i can hit the big bang everytime and at the same time as my man ,it' only gets better as life continues .always in tune with the cosmic rays!!!
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 3:54pm PDT
Report AbuseI hit my peak at 29 - for the desire, that is. I spent the majority of my marriage uninterested in sex with my husband and often wondered if something was wrong with me. When I hit my sexual peak, I wanted sex intensely, however, still not with him. Eventually, I learned it wasn't me who had a lack of interest in sex per se, moreso, it was that I didn't have a connection with my husband, emotional or otherwise. My point is, the drive was there. Unfortunately, at the time of my peak, I had noone to share it with. I began to examine my situation and realize that my continued unhappiness had to come to a close; so I walked away a little over a year ago.
Six months later, I did meet someone, and as luck would have it, a perfect someone. Not only have we had a wonderful relationship together, but, I have had the amazing opportunity to experience and enjoy my sexual peak or "wild side" as I like to call it. I have discovered and learned so many things that have been missing in my life (not just in the bedroom, either). My boyfriend and I are so on the same page with each other and I'm loving every minute, every hour, every day of it!
I was 29 when I knowingly reached my sexual peak. I am 31 now and finally enjoying it. I just needed the right person.
And as the poster mentioned, dropping of defenses, "I'm fat", etc...Like I said, I happen to have gotten lucky with the person who came along in my direction, because he has taught me all that as well. He has made me feel completely comfortable with myself, inside and out.
I kind of feel that your sexual peak can happen at any time with or without someone because of your own body changes. But, I also feel that it can be heightened depending on the person you are with. I was fortunate enough to get the whole enchilada.
I feel so complete, so whole, so fulfilled. It's an exciting time for me right now.
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:24pm PDT
Report Abusei lost my virginity at 17 and the sex i had then seemed to be better then the sex im having now that i'm 21, i was starting to get worried and think i have past my sexual peak and its downhill from here, but after reading this blog and the comments, i realize maybe now its because i have not found that one person i have a great connection with and my sexual peak years are still ahead of me...that makes my day! :)
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 5:46pm PDT
Report Abuseive had sex with women ranging from 18 to 42 and i noticed that 30+ are much more no no wrong have much better no no wrong again, are more aware of themselves sexually. now if that translates to peak i dunno im a man, but thats my input
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:05pm PDT
Report Abuseim 19 i`ve had my sharre of partners, and my advice is to sit down and talk about it. example what turns ya on or off from both parties. also i recommend a little role playing, or try at least two sexual fantasies you`ll boht came up with. dicuss them, and share them
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Posted by Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:37pm PDT
Report AbuseI'm 20 years old and have been having sex for about 2 1/2 years with the same person I lost my virginity to-- AND IT'S STILL AMAZING. I don't know what it is, but I guess I'm just a lucky one. I've had mind blowing sex since day one and it keeps getting better. Maybe it's because I'm so comfortable with my sexuality. I'm at my sexual peak NOW without a doubt!
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