I just need advice on this. Anyone's opinion is so greatly welcomed here.
We were really young when my husband and I got married 8 years ago. We were still barely married when I discovered his porn library, (and honestly it's no longer a collection) I got upset and stupid about it. I took it in an really violated way like I wasnt good enough, yada yada. But over time, I realized that it was just that: guy with a porn fetish, whatever. I'd rather him do that than to step out on me, so I was cool with it. My husband as a cheater really never seemed like something he would do. I mean this guy wont even laugh at a joke if there was any mention of adultry in it. Back in high school, I guess he was cheated on a lot.
When I found the porn initially, he did have a great point. I was in this rut if you will. I just didnt want to have sex. He had told me if I wouldnt let him have it, then I would have completely killed any kind of sex life he could have. Time went by, and I dont know what happened, but I have gotten my libido back, and as far as I knew, our sex live has improved by 150%. There's communication there, I get mine, he gets his, and I always make sure he's satisfied. Well... fast forward to last week.
I was doing a simple balance inquiry at my bank and there was a significant amount of money missing. Most of it were in $20 charges. I called my husband to ask him if he'd know anything about it, and initially, he said no. When I told him I needed to get to the bank because this was fraudulent, he told me it was just porn. I get home, and after a heated debate, it turned out it was web cams with people on the other end and a chat. He says he just viewed it as just porn, but I feel like the next step will be cheating. I actually feel like I've been cheated on, he was interacting with someone else in a sexual manner. To add insult to injury, we had sex one morning before I left for work, and 20 minutes after I left, he was doing this. He did promise that he wouldnt do this again.
I want to believe him that this was just porn to him, but I feel so hurt by this. Am I over reacting? I feel so stupid.
* I want to thank everyone for their responses on this. I'm (obviously) still dealing with this. My heart believes him, it's just my brain that wont shut up. Basically if it happens again, I'm done. Famous last words, I know, but I really do mean it. This is the biggest issue with me, because outside of this, my husband is so amazing, and everything I ever wanted. I just cant get over how something dumb like this could make me feel this way, like less of a person.
I would love to hear from people that are into this type of porn, yet maintain a marriage or some other type of committed relationship. What is it that you get from it? Are you doing this because you arent getting something you want? (Just a note, I give my husband just about everything that he asks for, my only real line is drawn at other people)
When is internet porn TOO MUCH?!
- by , on Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:45pm PDT
- Read More from This Author »
- Let’s talk: Comment (21) | Blog
- Email to a Friend
- Print this Page
From the Community…
-
Posted by Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:56pm PDT
Report AbuseThat porn addiction is expensive.How much did he spend on you before you caught the imbezzelment. Fella ain't changing. He's escalating.
-
Posted by Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:34pm PDT
Report AbuseDo not take it persoanlly..However his obsesion with porn is nothing but selfishmess
-
-
Posted by Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:03pm PDT
Report Abuseit's a rude, wrong and selfish action, actions speak louder then words. Both of you should see someone or a group saa ~ www.pureonline.com
www.sexaa.org/addict.htm
he just has to acknowledge it, admit it then change it.
-
Posted by Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:10pm PDT
Report AbuseI found out that my husband was/is a porn addict and now we're getting divorced. He is a very self centered person that doesn't realize that his addictive personality has ruined our marriage.
-
Posted by Sat Jul 12, 2008 8:40pm PDT
Report AbuseHe is a liar - don't believe him. I would bet he is also seeing women for sex that you don't even know about. My ex-husband was seeing so many women when we were married and he was doing the internet web cam also. Does he work in the town you live in or out of town - does he work late alot? There are many things I could share with you but I would NOT believe him.
-
Posted by Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:56pm PDT
Report Abusebeing in a situation myself, porn in general is progressive. starts with movies and books,then internet,then dirty talk with someone online,then seeking out someone to have an affair with. it's a rush. the excitment comsumes you ! it's all about the next fix. a little further,a little more daring. you get to a point,regular sex will not do it anymore. he's past that point. it's not you. it's his drug. i hope you see the light, and leave for a better life. this will not change. he's already gone, in his mind.
-
Posted by Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:00pm PDT
Report AbuseDO NOT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND...give him a chance. This is a problem but not because he likes to look at porn but because like ampman said its progressing and honestly the next step could be adultry. But wait...I did say could be...remember anyone is capable of adultry, porn addict or priest. Your not happy about it and the $$ spent is not working out so, do seek some help...pastor, support group or marriage counseling.
-
Posted by Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:21pm PDT
Report AbuseI should feel sorry for you, or should I say myself. Ironically, The same thing is happening to me also. When I fisrt discovered these magazines (the excuse was its his ? friends. He forgot to throw it out.)
Then recently I stumbled across a dvd? I viewed out of curiosity and was disgusted. I have not approached or mentioned this to him, its like trying to win a losing battle. Yes it demeans us as their 1 love. Look on the bright side it'll pass? maybe? or minus well join the club. It takes 2 baby to try to make a relationship work. Good Luck.
-
Posted by Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:08pm PDT
Report AbuseWhat bothers me the most, and as you stated was that this was a web cam, there was someone else there, even if he couldn't touch them, he could talk to them and possibly tell them what he wanted. I would be very hurt, I don't think you are over reacting. I think you need to seek help for him, there is no reason why he should think that this is ok, especially when you don't. You need to explain to him that you feel as though he has cheated on you, and you cannot trust him. He spent money on something that hurt you, it ended up costing you more in the end, because of deliquency, don't let it cost you your marriage! Having a few movies is one thing, and I don't think that it always progresses, sometimes there is no addiction. Good luck!
leave your comment
You must sign in to post a comment