Love + Sex

Friday, December 11, 2009

Who Owns the Problem?

All problems have owners.

Most problems in our day-to-day lives belong to one person and one person only. When we try to assume responsibility for a loved one’s problem, for example, we are trying to own someone else’s problem. In adult relationships (whether romantic or platonic), this can lead to very dysfunctional dynamics. After all, it’s futile, frustrating, and anxiety-provoking trying to take on someone else’s burden. You find yourself assuming a parental role in what should be an adult relationship, and thus by default you end up putting the other person in the position of a child.

When we neglect to accept ownership of the problems that do belong to us, a whole different set of difficulties arise: By trying to foist our problem onto someone else, we are also giving away our sense of control and self-efficacy. We are giving away our power. We are putting on our victim hats (which are neither stylish nor attractive, as it turns out). Not long ago, I wrote about saving ourselves. When a problem belongs to you, such advice is quite relevant.

Here are weight-related examples of the two ownership issues described above . . . [CLICK HERE FOR REST OF POST]

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From the Community…

Comments 1-4 of 4
  • RyneishaB_05's Avatar
    Posted by RyneishaB_05 Fri Jan 9, 2009 9:59am PST

    I agree.

    Report Abuse
  • nitesh's Avatar
    Posted by nitesh Thu Jul 30, 2009 5:00am PDT

    This is a good question "who owns the problem." In couple and family relationships, it is responsibility of each and every member to respect each other and try to help others in any problem. The problem is tat why one person owns others problems: Because they both are emotionally attached and not are able to see his/her companion in trouble. Sometimes this emotional attachment become possessive and leads to emotional abuse. To learn about emotional abuse please visit us at:

    http://www.marriage-counselors.net/couples-problems/Emotional-Abuse-in-Marriage-Relationship.htm

    Report Abuse
  • nitesh's Avatar
    Posted by nitesh Thu Jul 30, 2009 5:01am PDT

    This is a good question "who owns the problem." In couple and family relationships, it is responsibility of each and every member to respect each other and try to help others in any problem. The problem is tat why one person owns others problems: Because they both are emotionally attached and not are able to see his/her companion in trouble. Sometimes this emotional attachment become possessive and leads to emotional abuse. To learn about emotional abuse please visit us at:

    http://www.marriage-counselors.net/couples-problems/Emotional-Abuse-in-Marriage-Relationship.htm

    Report Abuse
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