I see a lot of people having problems with
relationships and dating and then placing blame. So many people
don't have a clue as to who they are, let alone how to deal
with their own issues before they get involved with someone. And
then that person brings their issues to the table and WHAM! Instant
mess.
I
broke up with my ex for this very reason. The funny thing is
earlier on in the relationship, I told her that I needed to work
out some things before we got too serious and she tried her hardest
to rush things. Then in the middle of the relationship, she tells
me that I should see someone about my issues!!! I was like
"Duh, that's what I told you before but you wanted to rush
things!" So, needless to say, I told her I had to break up
with her and I picked a time to work on myself and my issues and it
did wonders that even she attested to.
Now, I've been single for over
5 years and know so much more about myself and feel great about
what I did. The downside is I was able to see clearly where we had
our problems and where they stemmed from. I worked on mine and
confessed to my side and where I messed up. I was also able to see
hers too and pointed them out but when it came to her working on
HER issues, she never did. I met up with her maybe a year
afterwards and she still had a lot of the same reactions to certain
things and still had the same issues, which disappointed me but I
understood.
I am not saying I'm perfect by any means at all. I still
have issues like my workaholic ways and my hesitancy to show my
personality when I first meet someone. But the time will soon come
for those to be tackled lol. But the thing is I'm not pointing
fingers and saying it's their fault or women are the reason why
I have certain problems. I know where I stand and where I can
improve. I loved her and still have a place for her in my heart.
She's a great woman regardless of that but it just goes to show
that if all you want to do is point fingers and not deal with your
own issues, you will not change and still be stuck in the same rut
that you THINK is due to everyone else but you. And by placing
blame and pointing fingers, do you really accomplish anything
anyway?
Who's fault is it anyway?
user
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Comments 1-4 of 4
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Posted by Mon Sep 28, 2009 10:07am PDT
Report AbuseDid it take the whole 5 years of being signle to work on your issues? Just curious. Thanks
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Posted by Mon Sep 28, 2009 10:08am PDT
Report AbuseYou're right. Blaming doesn't do ANYTHING except cause more destruction in the relationship. Being 44 I'm now very cautious about who I get involved with. But with women, when they are very young, many of them want things to work out so badly that they're willing to do or say just about anything to keep it. We're different in which we are more emotional when it comes to relationships. We have a tendency to want things to work out, and if we really care about the guy sometimes we push too hard. I learned that the hard way, and eventually the guy dumped me. I agree that some women/girls need to step back and not be pushy. If they're not comfortable with themselves, then they have no business trying to pull somebody else into the equation, especially a guy who is no nonsense, and has intentions to go slow to see if things will work out. Now I understand that, but when I was young I didn't. But, likewise, there are some guys who try to push too, and as a result they've pushed ME away on occasion. But it takes two, and more often than not both are equally to blame to some degree. You're like me, you are very cautious and not willing to let somebody into your heart until you know what that person is about. I admire you for that. Don't change that for anything. It's not worth the pain in the end. But now you have the chance to eventually find someone who is very stable and is willing to take things slow, and that will take time. You know the signs of what NOT to pursue. Now you'll be able to weed them out more effectively. Good luck! I hope everything works out for you!! (((hugs)))!!! Amy
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Posted by Mon Sep 28, 2009 2:34pm PDT
Report AbuseTrueBlue, I'm not sure how to answer that. Most of the issues I had I think maybe took a year or two to work out. Some are still there as the ones I mentioned before. They are minor but I see where they impact my life and my relationships so they still need work. A few were taken care of as soon as I realized they existed. Like I used to hate having to "check in" with my ex like I was checking in with my mother or father. It just plain angered me. Now I understand that she was my partner and she cared about me and just wanted to know. She was also kinda controlling because she was the oldest in the family and I was the youngest in mine. I just had to relax and see it for what it was and get her to understand my perspective. Once I did that, it was instantly gone. So it varies.
Tassellady, I appreciate your words and am so thankful you didn't say "there's someone out there for everyone or I'll find someone" LOL. My goodness that cliche pisses me off because it's so much bull. But my focus wasn't on her and what she did wrong but on me and what I needed to do to better myself. Part of that is her personality and the other part was her being stubborn and ambitious so I don't fault her for that. I just meant to point out the situation and how it made me see where I was and where I needed to be to better myself.
Good luck to you and best wishes.
Comments 1-4 of 4
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