Why continue to stay Broken Up when he loves you

So it is now officially about 6 months that I broke up with a man I dated for 4 years on and off... On and off my love would turn, Since we were waiting to get married till we had that magical time together in the bedroom and since we were waiting to get married before we moved in together I wanted to get married sooner rather than later. But I met him when I moved to a different state trying to recover from an Eating Disorder. An eating disorder that was part of me since I was 14 years old & I moved here when I was 27. I had enough of living with my eating disorder or actually letting it control the way I was living...OMG I said it. I had enough of it. It does not control me I will not let it get in the way of my life anymore, I can go to work everyday, I can have a social life and not worry about how fat I feel after eating anything large or small. I can look in the mirror finally and say I look ok no matter how much I weigh. I will not be judged on my weight ever again, I am working on my self confidence still need to feel wanted by a man, but if my ex boyfriend only knew that I needed to feel loved by him all these years then I wouldn't have needed to break up after trying to please him for so so long. I turned away friends and family and just tried to make him see that I would be the wife he would want, but I couldn't show him it and the funny thing is I continously searched for attention from other people then,. Never feel loved by the one I was with till the day I decided to say Good bye and NOT look back. I miss him think about him and thought he was really the :one: I prayed to God all the time I mean all the time "asking is he the one"? and I never got the answer. after my 30th birthday I thougth that is it, i can't wiat another year, then another year had passed and I was getting healthier and more free of my ED and not so obsessed with exercising and able to spend my free time with family and free of crazy thoughts, and I cried and cried telling him another year passed and All I was asking for was an engagement ring, something to let me know I was his Future...b/c you know what he never discussed it/ Never said where "we" would be in five years or what "we" should be thinking about for "our" future it was always just about him, never "us"! Never about 'Us" so We fought one more time and I said I had enough and said Good bye. IT is not easy...I have changed not sure yet for the best, a different side of me has come out, the side that I remember in high school, the girl that likes to go out have fun, mingle with people, talk about anything and everything...I haven't seen this girl in a very long time. I wish I include my ex boyfriend I miss him when I am making sandwiches, going food shopping, (it was always more fun doing it for someone else)... I miss him when I am sick he was the best care taker took a special person to fill my mothers shoes. But I know that i feel whole alone. I can go to bed alone and be happy now. Not go to bed feeling lonely when I am dating someone and never feel like he wants to be with me,., I wish he well, and Pray that God brings him the right girl for him.... Thanks all for listening... Smiles