Love + Sex

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  Posted by Werribee Sat Jul 5, 2008 4:55pm PDT

  Hi, relationships are hard to maintain because you both are two individuals sharing one space and so on. Arguments are sometimes unavoidable, but it mainly depends on the personalities of the two parties. Who is willing to be the water when a fire breaks out and who can be the peacemaker in the relationship? So many issues to work on especially if your going to be married, however, people do get divorced like changing outfits these days. Honestly, there is no formula to you dilemma except God.

  I wish you both well.

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  Posted by delilahg7 Sat Jul 5, 2008 5:11pm PDT

  Hi Matrix,

  There could be a number of reasons as to why you and your fiancee argue a lot.

  One reason could be that each of you want your point of view to be heard and accepted but the problem is that neither one of you are willing to stop talking and listen to the other.

  The second reason is that you and your fiancee are both having a power struggle, in which case you both refuse to adhere to the other person's wishes because you both want to win instead of compromising.

  Here's my advice to you, have a heart to heart talk with your fiancee using a very low, almost whispering tone, forcing him to listen, and then talk about whatever it is that's on your mind.

  At the beginning of the conversation ask him to please listen to you without talking because you have something important to say to him. Once you're finished saying what you want to say, let him respond without interrupting him.

  Once he is finished talking, tell him that you would like it if the two of you could talk like that all of the time instead of arguing.

  In order for this to work, the two of you must take turns going first each time you want to make a point. You and your fiancee must also be humble when listening, and taking advice from one another. It is all about being humble and learning to compromise.

  In other words let him win or at least make him think he's won - because if you commit to doing that then he will naturally follow your lead - he's not going to want to seem like the trouble maker all of the time.

  In a relationship, you sometimes have to model the behavior that you want from your spouse or boyfriend. If you don't want him to argue don't argue - speak with a very low voice - it's hard to argue with someone who's speaking in a very low voice - it kind of makes the other person look crazy. You Know what I mean?

  If you want longevity in your marriage, then you will need to be the humble one alot of the times. He'll follow your lead eventually.

  Good Luck!

  Delilah

  P.S If you need more ADVICE hit me with your questions on SHINE or email me at delilahg7@yahoo.com

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  Posted by jac Sun Jul 6, 2008 12:50pm PDT

  So, who's going to be the top dog? Him or you? Arguments are about power. If you are not even married yet and are arguing like cats and dogs, then maybe you should consider your choice. It will not get easier unless you both compromise.

  Let me tell you, since I've already been there done that, I would rather be myself than in a stressful relationship where all we do is argue. It's not worth it.

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