Why Do Men Pay For Sex?

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  Posted by DeAnn Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:11am PST

  I wish more men shared your moral compass, but they just don't. Yes, it has to deal with domination, mostly. Many psychological studies have gone into what drives such behaviors, especially since prostitution is considered "the oldest profession" in the world.

  How a guy is with a woman of the night depends much on his personality. What he wants is to step out of himself, or who he feels he must be around society, and do/be out of character. For some, this takes the form of completely emotionless sex - whether it's hardcore domination or the trucker-style pickup of a girl with no teeth. Some guys are just into the lowlife lifestyle and couldn't get a girl to date them, much less sleep with them. Others higher gorgeous call girls just to have a conversation with a woman he hardly knows to bear his soul...and THEN have sex with her.

  The women are often in a position of powerlessness. It's odd you should bring up strippers, because they are the female equivalent of mysogenists, psychologically. They are women who quite literally hate men and their bodies are there to tease and taunt and make money. Sure, a few here & there do the extra deed for the extra cash, but it's a LOT of cash and psychologists find that usually the girl only does this if she objectifies the guy (thinks he's hot or rich). Strippers have the control, while prostitutes do not.

  So it really does boil down to making the payment, going to wherever, asking what he wants/how he wants it, getting it over with, and moving on to the next thing. The guy doesn't want to have to convince a girl to sleep with him - take the time to court her and risk rejection. He separates himself from a date rapist by basically rationalizing the payment transaction as her willingness to be there. That's all the willingness he needs or wants. He really could care less whether she enjoys it or wants to be there.

  Then there's the guy that's into really freaky stuff that scares girlfriends off and he has to pay a woman of the night to do it. I saw one HBO documentary in which two prostitutes were talking and one was discussing this frequent customer that liked her to push acupuncture needles through his...um...yeah. No actual sex there, just some freaky stimulation no girlfriend/wife could or would give him.

  These people need to see therapists, but prefer the black market sex trade because it's easier and faster than actually confronting your issues.

  Maybe your friend could use the number of a good shrink.

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  Posted by Sepid Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:14pm PST

  OoooooooooOoOooooooom????

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  Posted by Lana Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:28pm PST

  You are awesome! Wish more men thought like you!

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  Posted by TDawg Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:28pm PST

  I think to ask why men pay for sex is a moot point. I guess by the term "paying for sex" you mean exchanging dollars for sex. However, if the exchange for sex is dinners, jewelry, or fixing flat tires it's called "dating". If the exchange also involves a legal contract defining the shared ownership of property, then the exchange is called "marriage". Any way you say it, it's paying for sex. All men do it. Sex is kinda like lunch...there's no such thing as "free". The benefit of paying up front, though, is that both the man and the woman know what the exchange is. X act for Y dollars. The problem for men with the other forms of exchange is that at a certain point women will require more from the man than originally bargained for and he will receive less sex from her in exchange. I'm specifically referring to marriage but dating can have a similar dynamic. My point is...sex always involves an exchange, why stigmatize someone based on what they're willing to exchange? One seems as honest to me as another.

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  Posted by DeAnn Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:46pm PST

  TDawg, you're missing the point. The difference between dating and actually paying for sex goes deeper than dollars.

  When you date, emotions are involved, and the two people are often attracted to each other.

  In the illegal version of the transaction, neither party needs to be attracted to the other. The true essence of the act is in fulfilling more than a sexual need, but a deep-seeded psychological need for deviant "naughty" behavior on the part of the man to control another person. The woman has usually been sexually abused and neglected in her childhood and/or sold into sexual slavery (MOST prostitutes in the world are neither willing participants, nor privvy to the money they earn). She views herself as powerless.

  In the dating world, the woman has a choice. She chooses to date a guy based on her attraction to him. She chooses to have sex with him not out of obligation, but out of a desire to please and be pleased. Men date because they long for the emotional connection only a romantic relationship can bring.

  It's totally different. If you honestly can't see the difference, you yourself may be suffering from mysogeny and may objectify your partners. It's not healthy.

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  Posted by Gipsy Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:51pm PST

  Tdawg you seriously sound just idk thats incredible that you can even compare having sex in a relationship and paying for it from a prostitute. its just renting a woman for the night like you would do a car or something. if i was a guy that would make me feel stupid. you gotta pay someone money to pretend they give a flying F**k about you you cant find a woman ? (not saying you do that though)im sure the men that do this cant really think about it after right?

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  Posted by Gipsy Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:51pm PST

  Tdawg you seriously sound just idk thats incredible that you can even compare having sex in a relationship and paying for it from a prostitute. its just renting a woman for the night like you would do a car or something. if i was a guy that would make me feel stupid. you gotta pay someone money to pretend they give a flying F**k about you you cant find a woman ? (not saying you do that though)im sure the men that do this cant really think about it after right?

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  Posted by Gipsy Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:51pm PST

  Tdawg you seriously sound just idk thats incredible that you can even compare having sex in a relationship and paying for it from a prostitute. its just renting a woman for the night like you would do a car or something. if i was a guy that would make me feel stupid. you gotta pay someone money to pretend they give a flying F**k about you you cant find a woman ? (not saying you do that though)im sure the men that do this cant really think about it after right?

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  Posted by Jessica Wed Dec 31, 2008 1:16pm PST

  Seriously?!? Do you really belive that all sex is for either love or power? That is ridiculus. People have sex for all different reasons. Prostitution may not be your cup of tea, but for some women thats how they choose to make a living. Some of them are very profitable. I know strippers that have masters degrees but can make more money in a single weekend of stripping than in 2 weeks at a 9 to 5. Most of these women dont hate men nor do they hate their bodies. They know that have something that some one will pay to see or use. What is wrong with using what you have to get what you want? If they were using an assest like an ability to dance or sing, no one would have an issue with it. For some reason our society is so ashamed of sex that we view women that enjoy or use sex for a means to an end as either depraved or desprate. Some men just want to get their rocks off with out the hassle of a relationship or the strings attached to one. Some men and women dont have the time or inclination to have a serious long term relationship. Some people do have fetishes that they want to explore with someone who wont judge poorly them in other arenas of their lives for what they like to do behind closed doors. What is so very wrong about paying for services rendered? Is it wrong for me to pay some one to clean my house or do my taxes if I dont have the time? Does that make me unstable or mentally disturbed?

  Bascially it comes down to live and let live. If you dont approve of it, dont do it. Keep your nose out of other peoples business. You dont know what is going on in their lives, who are you to cast judgement? What makes you the person to decide what is wrong and who is mentally disturbed? Many great people in history were thought to be off their rockers. They were wrong and you might need to consider that you dont know it all.

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  Posted by TDawg Wed Dec 31, 2008 1:18pm PST

  I appreciate and understand your point of view DeAnn. I just don't think that you can expect, because you feel that sex for you should involve emotions and satisfy deep-seeded psychological needs, that all people feel that way. In fact, many psychologically healthy people, men and women included, enjoy sex simply for the pleasure of the act itself and not as a way of satisfying psychological or emotional needs. You may not feel that way but it doesn't make others wrong if they don't share your view of sex. I could make the argument that people who use sex to satisfy those other needs have an unhealthy view of sex! Sex is only one aspect of intimacy and shouldn't be expected to fill needs that other types of intimacy such as communication and affection should fill. Also, for any woman to be sexually abused is a horrible thing. It simply doesn't matter whether she is a prostitute or not. I don't think that it's accurate to assume that most prostitutes have been sexually abused just as it's not accurate to say that because a woman isn't a prostitute she probably hasn't been sexually abused. I think the interesting thing about your comment is your need to rationalize sex by stating that it should fill emotional and psychological needs as though it isn't pleasurable or healthy as an end to itself. That could indicate that you may be dealing with guilt issues associated with having sex. That isn't healthy.

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