Why don't I feel ready for a relationship right now?

From the Community…

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  Posted by VanessaH Mon Jan 5, 2009 2:50pm PST

  I just turned 30 and I completely understand you. I do want to get married and have kids but I felt the same way, it hasn't been right. My personal advice from years of watching others and talking with my married friends (women AND men) is you will know when it is right.

  I have seen women so determined to be married and have kids by a certain age that they change or do what ever it takes to land a guy. You then have a marriage of two incompatible people and it never lasts because it was built on the desire for obtaining a certain life, not for being with the right person.

  When YOU are truly ready for your life to go down that path, you will know and it will all click into place. For now, enjoy your relationships, learn about yourself. Improve how you communicate your needs, learn how you can be good to your partner, and any other aspects of a relationship you can work on. If it isn't the right guy or the right time, just be honest and kind when you are doubting, don't do what you think they want, be true to yourself. It is the lying and cheating that hurts others.

  My mother told me when I left for college, we are born with instincts and they are 99% correct even if it logically doesn't make sense. I must say 12 years later, she was right. My instincts have beeen 99% correct and left me with little regrets. Follow your instincts, truly listen to yourself and the rest will come when it is supposed to.

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  Posted by JoeB Tue Jan 6, 2009 3:30pm PST

  Hi.The comments and advice I have just read is all good.However there is a few more things missing. At least this helps me on choosing women.

  Ask plenty of questions,no matter what they are as long as you think they are important to you and your future. This can include how many women has he slept with over the past two years. this will give you an input on what kind of gentleman he is or not. I have about forty questions including sex questions. If he turns you down on answering them, maybe he is hiding something or just isn't comfortable with the questions.On the other hand, if he agrees to answer them and you like his answers then that may be a good start for a solid relationship. I would like to add that most older men(like me) likes younger women and knows how to treat them. They don't play the games nor do they cheat. Mind you, I said MOST MEN. Good luck and God bless....

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