So what’s driving new brides and grooms to step out on their spouses? Experts say it could be the media's fixation on celebrities’ indiscretions; others say men figure it's better to cheat before they have children—and while their wives are least likely to be suspicious.
But don't worry, you can protect your young marriage. The key is to be proactive; don’t assume that saying "I do" ensures fidelity.
Here are three reasons experts say newlywed men stray, and how you can take action.
Reason No. 1
You've played house for years
Time was when being a newlywed meant finally getting to share a roof. Not so today. More couples than ever are shacking up—6.4 million in 2007, compared with fewer than 1 million 30 years ago, according to the Census Bureau. Add the time you've lived together to the average 17-month engagement, and it's a good bet the attraction is less electric by the time you walk down the aisle.
Research shows that infidelity rates are much higher among cohabiting couples than among married folks who didn’t live together first. "Often, a couple that decides to live together isn't as committed," says David Popenoe, Ph.D., founder and codirector of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. And if that's the attitude, he adds, it doesn't necessarily change just because you get married.
How to cheat-proof your
love
Don’t use living together as a trial for marriage. If your guy's got a history of serial monogamy, the risk escalates: "After a whole series of relationships like that, it's very difficult to jump into one where you've got to work everything out and can't run away," Popenoe says. And if a guy feels trapped, an affair can seem like an easy way out.
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Reason No. 2
The Web makes cheating easy
It's simpler than ever to find an affair online—and the people searching for one are not always those you'd suspect. Of the 3.3 million users of AshleyMadison.com, a dating site that caters to married people looking to stray, about 500,000 are newlyweds.
Even if a person doesn't go online specifically to troll for a dalliance, the very nature of the Internet can be the start of a slippery slope toward infidelity. First, there's the easy access to pornography: The University of Washington data found that men under 35 were two and a quarter times as likely to have cheated if they had seen an X-rated movie.
Then there are sites like Facebook, where anyone from exes to one-night stands can find you. What starts as innocent e-flirting can quickly get out of hand.
How to cheat-proof your
love
Not every guy with an e-mail account is going to stray, and checking your man's browser history will only show that you don't trust him. Remember: Most men who use the Internet to find an affair are looking for sex, not intimacy, says Mary Jo Rapini, a psychotherapist at Methodist Hospital in Houston who specializes in sex and intimacy issues. She advises circumventing the temptation by watching a steamy flick or even some light porn with your hubby. "You're taking away the sneaking-around element and instead enjoying it together," she says. "And that usually ends up turning you both on."
Looking for a special movie to watch with your guy?
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Reason No. 3
The sex has gotten stale
"While all the companionship and familiarity of marriage makes a couple closer, it can kill the fire in the bedroom," says Patti Britton, Ph.D., author of The Art of Sex Coaching. A few years ago a German study found that women's libidos steadily decreased while they were in a secure relationship, while men's drives stayed the same.
How to cheat-proof your
love
Talk it out, advises Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin. "Make sex a priority and resolve to have it at least a few times a week." Consider coming up with your own personal "sex vows": I promise not to have a headache for more than three consecutive nights. I promise I'll be open to trying new things in bed, and so on.
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