Why We Need To Rethink Romance

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  Posted by Darla Fri Jul 3, 2009 8:58pm PDT

  Marriage doesn't produce discontent. People produce discontent. Our culture is so focused on "me, me, me" and this doesn't work in a marriage. I am responsible for my own happiness and content. I am responsible for my character. I am responsible for my conduct in a marriage, and I am the one who should be asking myself if I am the kind of partner in my marriage that I would want to be married to. Also, people have kids with people they wouldn't marry. And they marry people they know have poor character and big issues to begin with. Then they act surprised when they act in ways that are representative of that character. We teach the men in our lives how to treat us ladies! Be discriminating. Also, be of good character yourself. Don't be a selfish B.

  Just watch Bridezillas, or the show about sweet 16 birthdays, or almost any reality show, and you will see that we are churning out a generation of people who think everything is all about them! A bunch of selfish B's.

  I've been married for over 20 years, and there are 2 things that make it work and keep both of us from ever even thinking about unfaithfulness. 1) We have always focused on our responsibility to treat the other as we would want to be treated. 2) When disagreements happen, as inevitably they will, we stick the issue and NEVER, EVER attack the other's character. It's about a partnership - not about the other person making us happy.

  Provided you have made a good choice in a mate in terms of character, doing these two simple things should keep a marriage healthy and happy.

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  Posted by Gina D Sat Jul 4, 2009 5:31am PDT

  dating websites sex searches hot match.com etc. they should all be illegal! these websites cause relationships to end. men that have good woman who give them anything they want and need go on these sites looking for sex when they have no reason to. they have a beautiful woman but its not good enough for the selfish pigs!

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  Posted by Gina D Sat Jul 4, 2009 5:35am PDT

  people should only get married if they love each other and want to be commited to each other. if u wanna cheat and have flings then dont get in a relationship. that is the point of being in a relationship, to be with just that one person!

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  Posted by ohno Sun Jul 5, 2009 10:49am PDT

  or maybe it's just that "mid-life crisis" is not a crisis at all. perhaps a very natural biological occurrence. the mind wakes up and looks around and realizes that a great deal has gone missing..........and there is only a short time left to make some of that happen. people change so much over the course of a lifetime......wants and needs change..philosophy's change...hobbies, interests, etc. some people are lucky enough to keep pace with their spouse in this process............some are not.

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  Posted by Zachary H Sun Jul 5, 2009 2:56pm PDT

  Look women think that romance is dead........ Bull s--- its not there 2 things women need to understand..........

  1) They say its dead because they aren't use to it its there fault for settling and not going for the best.....

  2) They don't want it because if they would get it...... Also women want the man who is mean and use them not the one who will treat them like a princess and treat them with respect.....

  So all you women who think its dead...........Check your own life because its there i do it......Hahahahaha

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  Posted by Thorn From Tanaris Sun Jul 5, 2009 4:57pm PDT

  This article is not about romance, it's about marriage.

  I've been married 25 years and guess what - I still like my husband, which in my opinion is much, much more important than empty romantic gestures.

  Marriage is not romance or being 'in love' or any of the other fairytale dreams people have. Marriage is work.

  OK, it's a business partnership with someone you hope is your life companion, but it's still a business. You need a budget, you need a place to do business (your home), you need to schedule time for work and time off, you need to learn to deal with other people (the in-laws and non-mutual friends), you need to learn to present a united front...

  Marriage is not easy, but it is worth it.

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  Posted by Lexalue Sun Jul 5, 2009 10:29pm PDT

  Romance has changed, but there has always been complaints like "it was better in the old days..." I don't think that is necessarily true. People have always been imperfect and some unable to love one partner enough to stay with them and cherish them... however something has changed in this western society. The lines showing what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman have been blurred so much that men generally think they are men when they have sex, or drink, or can drive, or get their first job... those are all great things but should not truly define a role. Woman are driven to think that when they are mothers they are a woman... Although the blurred vision of what it means to be an adult in gender roles has clouded the path to a society confident in it's community, there has to be hope somewhere....Yes, this article focuses on the institution of marriage and cultural factors that have come into play with it, but it also points out a few things... Marriage has been viewed differently and treated differently... I agree with many of you on here- there is a lot of selfishness in this world and this is the core of this problem with "true romance." People are plain selfish and don't have unconditional love because they condition it to fit their comfort so many times as well as their whims.

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  Posted by Lexalue Sun Jul 5, 2009 10:33pm PDT

  I 'de like to add that having sex, drinking, driving and getting your first job are great when they are done at the right times and in the right ways- even that sounds off... sorry, didn't check my point too well in that spot.

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  Posted by Lexalue Sun Jul 5, 2009 10:36pm PDT

  I would like to add something... Having sex, drinking, driving and getting your first job are not all "great" if they are done at the wrong times and in the wrong way... Way to go for making it more awkward for me. I apologize.

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  Posted by Prometheus Mon Jul 6, 2009 5:45am PDT

  Time waits for no one. People get hurt from broken relationships because they go into them with false expectations and not enough information. Marriage can work if the two are moving toward the same goals and dreams, backing each other up when times get tough. You appreciate each other more knowing you are a team that can trust the other to watch your back.

  Also, the word love needs to be replaced by compatability and/or desire. Love is a much purer spiritual force than most people view it and let's face it, what we are feeling is a kind of physical reaction brought on by chemistry and the selfish image of what this union can do for each other and not necessarily the world at large which would be truly loving as love is ALL-encompassing.

  I would enjoy hearing a young couple talk about what they were going to do to better the world as a team and how much more energy they can put into that work united.

  This current divorce rate is happenning because of the selfishness of the average citizen. All about upgrades. The sense of self-entitlement is a plague on the world as a whole due to uncontrolled industrialism and free trade. We learned well from the masters. Go out and market yourself. Make of yourself a cheaply built shiny product that the masses must have and who cares about all those people who helped put the product together. You won't have to speak to them again hidden away in the toybox of the highest bidder.

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