Love + Sex

Well I finally had it with the way everything in my life have been going up till now. The never ending nagging complaining ,financial ruin, and not to mention the non-existent sex life. Yes I said it. Boo hoo! And Whaaa. Its not that I'm desperate, its just that I'm pathetic! And yes there is a difference.

I have finally rounding it all up along with the why " don't  you have a boyfriend" or "why aren't you married yet?"Or as my own children think, I'm a "dyke", now that is what is getting to me now adays, Should I be one? Is that the passing phase with people? I don't feel gay, I am so attractive to the opposite sex that might be the reason to why I'm not with anyone . That group that seems to find that time to mention this. Or end up looking at the very mortal existence of my own age in the reasoning of my own single aging mother, whom loves to mention how lonely I truely am and isn't it nice that so and so just got married, or how much better someone else would be instead of my sad and pathetic and I have nothing to offer a man and what would one want to have with me lifestyle? Odd why she thinks that way, no clue.She always loved to keep me in the green jealousy ,envy hateful and greedy mood. I guess gold and green are the color she choosen?Whatever, let it roll on off the shoulders I guess.

When I was 18 I thought differently, When I was 25 I was totally thinking differently, and now that I'm up in the 37's , I can honestly say . If it didn't happen then I seriously doubt it will happen ever. I hate the fact my life has turned out to be one lousy sack of dirty used up fried and left for dead existence.Eccept by myself hand hahahaha.But what others don't see is that is precisely what I think I was to turn out to be? An example, or the popular one that ended up with the house full of animals. Grr!

I gave up on finding the happiness at the end of the rainbow,being the journey this far has basically sucked and I can't wait until I'm dead and gone to find my place of bliss somewhere in the Alps of Sweden. While being whisked away in a ambulance only to be hit by someone whom could have been a part of my life.
Holy cow, I would hate to think that my persona is dwindling and a healthy woman with such robusk visions in life can be taken out by such a lame reason to things as simple as there is no one I actaully could tolerate or like around? Was my adam hit by a car and maimed? possibly lying in coma somewhere across the oceans of time sweltinbg his days away on drugs or alcohol , womanizing and such to the decay of sin. Oh the lonelypart of that alone.>>sigh>>

I must have answers NOW! I think I sprung a hole in my hour glass and my time is burning up faster than sand falling out. Well  you guys until next outburst!

Or until I get a real job. Take care