Readers, you know I have love for you. But sometimes y’all get a little crazy. Take Erin’s recent post that asked “Why Do Men Write Such Short Emails?” This led a virtual grrrl riot focused on men's alleged email mistakes. The commenter 4208 put the question to me directly:
“Can Ryan please address the strange email behavior in a future post? Earlier this week my friend and I were talking about how weird it is that guys sign their names (why?), use stiff salutations (did he mean to write a letter to his landlord but accidentally type my name?), or worse yet--the impersonal closing ("talk to you soon," should always be translated as “talk to you one day in the distant....actually never”). Would also be curious what girl email habits stump or annoy him.”
Thanks for asking, 4208—I have plenty to say about men's “strange” behavior, and even more to say about your annoying email habits!
Related: What guy mannerisms drive you insane?
Allegation #1: Stiff Salutations
Dear Readers,
Men use proper salutations because hundreds of years of correspondence writing have proven this to be the best way to open a letter. I thought you wanted us to be classy—guess not. From now on, I'm opening every email with “Hey, toots.”
Allegation #2: Shortness
Men don’t write “short” emails, we write concise emails. Efficient
emails. Lean emails. Brevity is the soul of wit, people. Truth.
Allegation #3: Impersonal Closings
Do you say “goodbye” before hanging up? Do you thank your host
before leaving the party? Do you flush the toilet after taking a
wizz? (Cameron Diaz
doesn’t!) There’s a proper way to end everything, including
emails.
Sincerely,
Ryan
Now that I have successfully rebutted your case against dudekind, I have a few counter allegations to level against the women of the world.
Speaking of things we'd like you not to do:
Six beauty habits men wished you
skip.
Counter Allegation #1: Emoticons
I know when you’re making a joke--there's no need for
hieroglyphics.
Counter Allegation #2: Needless
Abbreviations
BTW, I totes h8 it when grls use lame abbreviations. OMFG, is it so
hard to type out the entire word? Srsly.
Counter Allegation: #3: Rambling
OK, so you’re really into this guy but you’re not sure if he likes
you because he was talking about his ex the whole time and she
sounds like a total skank and he kinda looks like Zac Effron
crossed with Mr. Bean which is neither here nor there and
pleasepleaseplease get to the point...
I rest my case.
Are you guilty of any of these email crimes? Do you think I need to chill out? (You know I'm just being a ham!) What’s the worst email you’ve ever received? What about the best?
Related:
The 5 types of women who aren't as attractive as they
think.
Get Glamour Wherever You Go! Follow us on Twitter. Friend us on Facebook. Add us to your Google homepage.
by Ryan DodgeMORE FROM SINGLE-ISH:
