Love + Sex

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Your Call: Why Didn't He Invite Her to Thanksgiving?


The following Thanksgiving dating-etiquette question was written to Em & Lo, but they've decided to put the butterball in your court:

My boyfriend and I have been seriously dating for a few months now, although over the course of the past eight months we've gone from buddies, to friends with benefits, to best friends with benefits, to head-over-heels in love. Since we're fairly serious about each other, and since I've already met his father, I was really hoping that he'd invite me to go with him to visit his family for Thanksgiving. My own family is 800 miles away so I won't be able to see them this year, and his is only a few hours' drive.

I don't want to flat-out ask him to take me along, but I'm not sure what to do, and the closer the holiday gets, the more disappointed I feel.  I've dropped a few hints -- I'm very sad I'll be without my family for Thanksgiving, I have extra vacation, I wish I were having turkey this year - but he's either oblivious and hasn't thought about inviting me, or he really doesn't want me to go. He even went as far as complaining about driving there by himself, when a willing travel partner was sitting right beside him. He also offered to "do Thanksgiving" with me the weekend before.

My question is -- should I be upset? Should I tell him I'm upset? I wouldn't be afraid to ask to meet his family if they lived here, but I'm hesitant to demand an invitation to visit them in another state. I don't think it's anything he's embarrassed about or wants to keep from me, and we've taken trips together, so I know it's not that either.  Maybe he just doesn't like to do the family thing this early in the relationship?  But he talks about the things we'll be doing a year from now, so it's not like he's not committed to me.

Maybe Thanksgiving just isn't a big deal to him, but I'd really like to spend the holiday with someone I love. THE someone I love, as a matter of fact. I would love your advice.

-- Cold Turkey

What should Cold Turkey do? Let the advising begin in the comments section below. Or join the debate already in progress on EMandLO.com.

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Comments 1-3 of 3
  • sun2go's Avatar
    Posted by sun2go Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:13pm PST

    You're not both head over heels in love. You think you're in love with the guy who, for quite a while, was the friend you had sex with. Is this really the relationship you think it is? Probably not, especially because he didn't take the step of asking you to spend the holiday with his family. Which is a solid gesture that he considers you his serious girlfriend. I don't think he does. I think you're still sleeping with your buddy, and he's looking around for the woman who's not going to have to drop hints for an invitation. Because if you were in, you wouldn't have to. And by the way, the offer to spend the weekend before the holiday with you is a clear message that you are not invited to the family event. Period.

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  • Gigi's Avatar
    Posted by Gigi Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:48am PST

    I'm in this same situation. He kinda hinted that he would invite me since I'm not American and don't really celebrate thanksgiving. I want him to ask me but then again, I don't really like his family so I'm just confused about what I want out of him lol. Maybe he's not that serious about you yet. Have you met his family already or would it be the first time?

    Good luck =)

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  • Sevvies hot Mistress's Avatar
    Posted by Sevvies hot Mistress Sat Dec 5, 2009 7:37pm PST

    Grow up and tell him what you think. Men are not mind readers just say what you want, the worst that can happen is he will say no.

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Comments 1-3 of 3

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