Those wedding bells are not ringing any longer and the bliss that was once the honeymoon is no longer present in your every day life. The arguments are getting more and more fierce and the majority of your time each day is spent trying to convince yourself that this marriage is worth saving. No matter what happens in the future, the only way to really know if divorce is the right answer is to ask yourself that specific question. I've been there and asked the question more than once. It's not an easy question to ask and an even harder question to answer.
When is a Marriage Really Over?
There will be hints that take place both physically and mentally when a marriage is clearly over. In the deepest parts of your mind, you'll know that something does not feel right. There's a mental idea of marriage that we all create. When we marry someone that's not that right person, we often bury that idea of the perfect love and accept the love we have as being right. Over time, we begin to lose the ability to bury our true feelings any longer and the questioning begins.
Other common problems in a marriage that's headed for divorce are a bit less mental and more physical. If one spouse is verbally or physically abusing the other spouse, there's no doubt that the marriage should be ended immediately. Cheating and lying are two other top complaints used in court cases of dissolution of marriage. No matter the reason for thinking about divorce there will be one inevitable question that you'll have to ask yourself before taking that final step.
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Can you stay in this relationship for the rest of your life? If there was one second of hesitation, then the relationship you're living with may need some work. But, even if there's hesitation and you still answered yes, the marriage may not be over, just struggling. All marriages will struggle, it's how the marriage works through the struggle that determines if the marriage was strong enough to last the test of time.
Every marriage struggles with the most common time of struggle being near the 7th year. The 7-year-itch, as it's called, has some magical power it seems that leave the a married couple facing the court rather than the counselor. For many, it's the right decision. For a select few that decide to work it out, they may just find that the marriage was not over but simply molting into something newer and better.
Divorce is a big step in any relationship. Not only are there financial obligations but there are children, if they're present in the relationship, that the court will place with one parent for this long and the other parent for this long. As a parent first, working out the marriage may be the best choice, especially if the struggles of the marriage are new and the couple has done nothing to work out the problems happening each day.
The only people that can truly answer the question of whether a marriage is over and divorce is the only option is the married couple. Therapy, talking out the problems, patience and time are the four top ways to prevent a marriage from dissolving into divorce. But, all four take a level of understanding and a need to make the marriage work for the long haul, which just so happens to be 'til death do you part. At the beginning of a marriage, there are promises made that may be unrealistic. There are feelings that may fade. No matter how the relationship changes, divorce is forever just as marriage was promised to be and both the husband and the wife promised to keep those vows sacred.
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